Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 20:59:42
In reply to Anxiety going to see my T (long), posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 19:13:22
> Can I just be honest hear and say how I feel about her? I'm hurt by the things she said to me. I'm angry by the boundary changes she made. I don't think she cares anymore and doesn't care if she works with me or not. What she said put a wall up for me. I don't think I can tell her anything that's going on in my life ever again. So why go? I don't trust her anymore. She will be frustrated with me for having such a hard time in my life.
Absolutely you should be honest. Apart from all else, what do you have to lose?
The only thing I might add is that my therapist and I had a fight a couple of weeks ago that seems to have deepened our relationship. It was an extraordinary experience. The first thing I said to him was how much I cared for him, how much I respected him, etc. And throughout everything I said to him, I made sure to touch on that fact frequently and fiercely.
"I care about you, and I am angry with you. You've hurt me, and you mean so much to me. There are things I need from you, and I do not want to lose this relationship."
That sort of thing.
To express it in similar terms that I used for something else this week in therapy...
It is so easy for me to say good things then follow it with a "but...". The good stuff and the bad stuff gets hopelessly confused until I just can't experience the good stuff. But it is probably better for me to be grateful for the good things "and..." feel the bad things. The two things can coincide. The good things don't ease the pain. The bad things don't destroy what is good in a relationship.
My therapist followed my lead when I started off the session by saying "I care about you, not only as my therapist but as a person. You mean so much to me. You've been so important in my life. It means a lot to me to keep you in my life. I do have needs that I feel must be met, and I respect that you have needs and values that you don't feel you can compromise. But given all that, it is my goal to work things out, and I hope you are committed to that as well."
That's a slight paraphrase, but not much. It was such an extraordinary experience of fighting to relationship that I wish it for everyone.
But I recognize that not all therapists are willing to fight to relationship. I hope your therapist is.
If that's really what you want and need at this point in your relationship.
poster:Dinah
thread:831265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/831297.html