Posted by lucie lu on July 25, 2008, at 8:57:23
In reply to crap crap crap *kind of long*, posted by raisinb on July 24, 2008, at 22:05:25
Raisin,
I can really understand how news of her pregnancy could feel very threatening and raise a whole lot of painful feelings related to sibling rivalry and abandonment. I have felt similarly at various junctures and with lesser provocation. Whenever we see undeniable signs of their lives beyond our mutual "as if" relationships it is like a splash in the face with icy water (cubes and all)! And of course it reawakens lots of issues with us.
Since she just announced her pregnancy, I'm guessing you still have several months before she leaves. Maybe this will be a good opportunity for you two to work through some of those issues you mentioned - and it may help to see that she is also working hard to help you get through this development in your therapy. It sounds like she is ready and able to "go there with you" wthout being defensive or avoidant herself. Despite our several years together, my T and I still set aside several weeks before his vacation or some other lengthy separation to talk, talk, talk about the issues it brings out for me. Sometimes there is something tangible that comes out of these sessions that does help me deal with it. But most of all it makes me feel cared for, that he takes my feelings and issues so seriously, that he always tells me his plans good and early, and that he puts them on the agenda well ahead of time so we can work on it together. That sense of togetherness and mutual involvement does help, and each year I learn a little more about myself and my relationships. Plus in looking at the differences between the current year and previous ones, I can recognize personal growth and progress that I've made. Sounds like you have been doing this too. It's always such a sense of accomplishment when we see ourselves facing and handling things in ways we could never do before.
I realize that her pregnancy leave is a greater hurdle than my T's vacations, so please don't think I'm comparing them directly. I really empathize with you and how you must feel facing such this latest challenge. I also have a lot of respect for you and your progress in creating such a sense of commitment to your therapy, and that you plan to ride this period out with her and sharing your experience. In the meantime, hugs to you...
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:841886
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/841954.html