Posted by Quintal on July 31, 2008, at 11:27:36
I don't feel so well after this one. I think it's because we're getting down the core of what I want out of therapy - 'Treatment Goals' as she wrote on the board. I couldn't think of anything particularly satisfying for her, and she was left wondering about that. "For someone who has a lot of anxiety you seem to be mangaing pretty well. There's nothing definite I can nail down here" [Narrowed her eyes suspiciously]. I think that's the problem. I don't want to be nailed down or forced or manipulated in any way. I've had enough of that in my life. This is what I dislike about CBT. I don't think it's very nice.
Then there's the ten session limit, so I feel very much under pressure to perform. What I liked about the humanist approach was the openness, and frankly the humanity. I think the core problem here is that I didn't ask for therapy, and CBT wouldn't have been my preference anyway. It was more or less foisted upon me and I suppose I don't really want it. It feels intrusive. I've managed to develop a healthy sense of independence, and I think this is what's helped me to cope with the trauma of last year. Even she acknowledges that I'm doing pretty well for myself. The idea of someone coming in and reprogamming me really undermines that. It feels a bit like enforced medication to me.
I suppose I have a lot of deeply rooted skepticism that people can change anything more than superficially in ten weeks. I'd prefer to be allowed to grow at a more natural pace anyway. This type of therapy is centered around making plans and setting goals for the future, and I'm not very interested in that. I've already said that what I really want most out of life at this point is some sort of spiritual guidance or teaching, more than concentrating on satisfying material desires and aspirations. That's the main conflict I'm having with this therapy - it's the underlying motive. I have no doubt it's good for doing what it sets out to do, but I don't think it's for me.
I don't want to terminate though because I think it would dissapoint my social worker who arranged it. There'd always be a sense of failure, so I think I will just see it through.
Q
poster:Quintal
thread:843241
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843241.html