Posted by 10derHeart on August 6, 2008, at 1:56:05
In reply to Definitely time to open Camp Comfort, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:16:03
It's so weird, and I really don't know if should post this. I may regret it. But probably not - I'll just disappear and run away like I do. But my former T. I still email many times a week is also on vacation starting tomorrow. We only communicate when he's working, as it also was when I was a *real* client. I'm happy for him as I know he needs a break and it's for a happy family event, but of course, I hate it, too. It seems worse now....and if I allow myself to think of it, oh how I resent his clients, because for them, no matter how lonely, difficult, sad, seemingly unbearable the absence is, they'll ALL have that great day where - he -- comes -- back.
But not me :-( {tears}
(Okay, yes, he *comes back* through email, and I'm so grateful, but....it's so, so not the same.)
I want to participate here, but it seems, having an ex-T., that I can't, won't think of as ex...well, it's all so triggering - the whole board. I even envy the awful problems and pain some have with their T's because they *have* their Ts. I know that's terrible, and I hope anyone who just read that and is suffering can forgive me. But I'd rather be fighting or not trusting or hurt by him than never see him again. I miss him so much.
Anyway, now I've brought this thread way down to the dumps....
He did leave me this great voice mail early this morning (I asked for it) which I ought to go listen to again. I've only listened to it 4 times today :-) He's not great at those, because it's awkward, but this one is pretty good. Maybe my favorite thing was that he acted like an ex-client of 3 months is perfectly justified in asking for a comforting voice mail - he never missed a beat, and I kept apologizing for being a big, clingy baby...
He's so sweet and patient and unchanging, but I think he just doesn't realize at this rate, he'll never be rid of me. He says that's fine, but that's, well, that's crazy, I think. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" applies totally in this situation and I wonder if he really realizes that.
Thanks for making a safe place for my occasional blurting. Maybe one of these times I can stay around somehow. Bah humbug on vacations.
poster:10derHeart
thread:844380
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/844505.html