Posted by antigua3 on September 18, 2008, at 12:44:32
I'm not sure why I'm even writing--maybe I'm just complelled to.
I lost my dream job out of the blue last week. Shut off in the space of two days, and I didn't see it coming. I loved my job, but this may sound silly, but I really loved my office the best. Getting out of the house to work for a year on something I was passionate about was so good for me and especially, for my marriage (my husband works at home too).
Basically, what happened is my partner, who was providing the funding, made the decision to cut our losses and just close down. I was responsible for the creative side of the business. My partner pulled out prematurely, long before we expected to be making money.
I was so shocked it took me a week to even absorb it.
I think I've decided to proceed on my own with the same idea. At least that's what my T and my pdoc have decided for me. And I mean that. My pdoc just assumed I would keep going. He said, "Don't let XX's failure be your own." Actually, I didn't think of this as a failure of my own because it wasn't my fault. This is huge because in the past I would have assumed responsibility, but I'm not this time. I can see this clearly.
But this has brought up so many scary feelings, and nightmares about my father that I can't remember, but feel the anxiety and terror when I first wake up.
My pdoc says to just keep moving; don't get "paralyzed by analysis," which is also commonplace for me. But it's so hard. It makes me want my pdoc so badly. For what? I don't even know; it's just a longing I haven't ever had for him before.
I'm so confused, and feel like i'm slipping, slipping into that terrible place.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:852662
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852662.html