Posted by Nadezda on September 19, 2008, at 18:33:20
In reply to Here is my T response to why he did this.., posted by Amanda29 on September 19, 2008, at 15:38:44
Those aren't such great explanations, to say the least.
First of all, "challenging" you by being rude (ie reading the magazine) is a pretty odd-- and not very therapeutic-- way of trying to work with someone (to put it kindly) on being more assertive, or taking more risks in therapy. I don't like the idea of that sort of "experiment"-- it seems a bit on the game=playing side to me.
His comments about his ex=wife and daughter and your mother-- both in the appointment and in the email seem quite offensive and really rather insensitive. Even if you have bad feelings about your mother, it doesn't mean that you like hearing her criticized-- unless the context is the right one, when you're talking about problems you're had about her-- and he's trying to help. Somehow that doesn't seem to be what was going on here.
Plus, bringing up this issue with his daughter just seems, well, (I kind of hate this word, but I think it sort of fits) inappropriate. It's irrelevant to your issues-- and frankly a private concern of his own. It just seems like putting something on you that you don't need to hear-- and somehow enlisting you either to do something about it, or sympathize with him and his daughter against your mother-- or something really separate from any therapy for you.
It seems there might have been more going on-- although I dont' know what.
About expressing anger-- I've done it. The expressing can be counter-productive if one gets too angry-- I think. -- Better to handle the anger in a more temperate and civil way-- telling him that these things bother you and you would prefer he not do them, or mentioning that you feel angry, but not in an angry way. This can be hard--but in the short run (and probably the long run) is more effective. (I speak from the personal experience of losing my temper with my T-- which, as I say, really isn't terribly productive--although I suspect it happens more often than we realize.)
These do seems like things you need to discuss with him, though, and I hope you can get a better response-- possibly a realization that he wasn't acting very carefully (even if he doesn't admit it) and an apology.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:852530
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852985.html