Posted by raisinb on January 15, 2009, at 10:44:26
In reply to Re: I think I might give it back » raisinb, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2009, at 1:54:58
Thank you for the encouragement :) I have a good deal of stress going on in work and relationships at the moment, so I think my focus is taken away from therapy. I also feel like, well, what can I do about it? So I'm focusing on other things.
Last session, we got into a bit of an argument. We have an ongoing disagreement. I say she's wildly inconsistent in her level of warmth and caring. Sometimes she's amazing; sometimes, she seems pretty dead, like she doesn't want to be there. She says some days she's tired or feeling sick, but that she always wants to be there and that I'm wildly exaggerating (not her words) the level of the inconsistency.
Monday I went in and could tell immediately that she was in one of those moods. This inhibited me from talking. When I feel like she doesn't want to be there, I don't want to be there either. I hate feeling unwanted.
So, I wasn't talking that much, and she started (what felt like) blaming the lack of connection on me. She said I acted like she was "so insignificant" to me, that I acted like I didn't want to be there, that I was annoyed by her, and some other stuff. I got pissed because I felt like it was her issue. And I was also pissed because I needed to talk about my boyfriend and here we were hashing and rehashing things we've never solved in the past, despite working on them for four years, and rehashing her leave, which I can't do anything about anyway, so why rake it up?
So I started talking about my boyfriend and she seemed annoyed or frustrated about this. And then she said she'd miss me when she was gone, even though I found that hard to believe (she's said this before, and I believed her then, but her entire manner was different).
And then it was time to go. I've been pretty pissed for three days because I felt like she was pushing her issues onto me. There is *nothing* that makes me madder than that.
poster:raisinb
thread:872683
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090109/msgs/874135.html