Posted by Daisym on May 14, 2009, at 23:21:55
In reply to Re: How It Went » Daisym, posted by antigua3 on May 14, 2009, at 19:51:03
OMG - I can't believe I didn't put this together. I've always felt responsible for the abuse especially since I wanted and needed the closeness with my dad. But I think, in-my-heart-of-hearts, that part of the fear of being found-out was this idea that I manipulated my dad into doing these things due to my need to hold him close. I was/am terrified someone (my mother) would say, "well, you were always a needy child and smart enough to get what you wanted." Ouch. And it it feels good to have my therapist's caring, doesn't that mean I shouldn't have it, because then I'm using something terrible to feel something good. My head hurts.
We talked today about being perfect again. All of this is hard to stay with. I want to shut it down and stop talking about it.
poster:Daisym
thread:895460
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/895874.html