Posted by fleeting flutterby on June 16, 2009, at 9:34:43
In reply to Dreams of being bullied, posted by SLS on June 15, 2009, at 15:25:09
> Hi.
>
> I frequently have dreams of being bullied by my very real nemeses from high school days. Seeing as these things occurred over 30 years ago an as an adolescent, I am not sure quite what to make of them. They become more frequent when my depression gets worse. When my depression begins to remit, I am more assertive in my dreams and do not come upon such incidents.<<---flutterby: Past traumas can haunt us for our whole lives. and it does make sense that the more depressed you are the more you allow your "power" to be stifled.
>
> As an adult, I thought I had processed most, if not, all of the issues surrounding my experiences of being bullied from ages 10-18. Well, I guess now that I see it in writing, it is easy to see how such a wound might not have healed properly.
>
> I must be missing something. I want to work through this, but I am not sure where to begin looking. My therapist feels that there is probably something that remains unresolved. My instincts tell me that she is right. Maybe I still need to meet the approval of these bullies?<<---flutterby: maybe seeing them as developing children also, as you were, and not knowing what abuse can do to someone-- that may help in not giving the bullies so much power. they were children also..... (which doesn't excuse their behavior, just that, I think it's helped me as I repeat to myself that my siblings, who hurt me daily, were also children)
>>Maybe I can never meet the approval of anyone from high school while I remain depressed? I don't know. I have not gone to any of our class reunions.<<
----flutterby: do you wonder why it's important to you, even to this day, to meet those people's approval?? do you have to mingle with any of them now? Maybe it's your own approval that evades you?...... maybe you still hear, on occasion, those past tauntings and struggle in not agreeing with them..... (that's what I still do anyway) My sister next to me in age(older) said daily -what a loser I was, how I can't do anything right, that I am NOT friend quality-- she was the favored one-- she did acutally have golden hair too! I believed every word she said, especially since no adult would ever negate her words. :o(
I have grown to realize that it's the adults fault in allowing this to carry on for 20+ years and NOT the abusive child's/siblings fault. It doesn't matter what the bully child thought-- she was also just a child--- children are quite ignorant to such things. The adults should have put a stop to it-- as I also think in your case. It's the teachers, counselors, bus drivers ect.. etc... the adults fault.not sure if this was helpful to you at all..... it's just some things that have helped me, so I thought I'd share.
best to you,
flutterby-mandy
> Any ideas?
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> Thanks.
>
>
> - Scott
poster:fleeting flutterby
thread:901141
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/901275.html