Posted by workinprogress on June 22, 2009, at 1:57:52
In reply to T Created Major Shift In Approach - Was Not Ready!, posted by FindingMyDesire on June 21, 2009, at 22:04:13
FMD-
Was thinking about you. Was about to ask if you were there/ok? So, what did she say? What did she do to create this shift? What's the big change? I'm interested to hear how she offered to help you in this vulnerable phase. Seems like it's something relatively concrete, but I didn't get a sense of it from your post. If you're able, I'd be interested to hear.
Regardless, I know it is hard to feel "small" and to let yourself be open to those really vulnerable childlike feelings. But, what I found helpful is to know that they are always there, regardless... and the only way to not have them be there is to open them up and take a look at them. Make no mistake, doing so is scary and takes a tremendous amount of courage. Give yourself some credit for being so courageous. Not many people are able to do so, to be small and vulnerable.
Take care of you...
xo
WiP
> Sorry, blipped off the board (again) for several days there...
>
> So, my T is trying to help. She is responding to my desperate, overwhelmed cry for help. She cares about me. I know that. However...
>
> AAAACCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! I was not ready for that. I think she offered some structure so that I could "survive" in between our sessions. I need that. I appreciate that. The small intellectual part of my brain totally gets it.
>
> So, why did I react like she was totally rejecting me! OMG!!! It was (is) so BAD. I don't know if I can recover, really. She says she's not rushing me, but I feel like something happened too fast. I just entered this incredibly child-like space with her where I got way too attached I think. Everything HURTS. I suspect everything. I feel so alone. She is not available enough for me while I'm in this state.
>
> So, she is trying to teach me to care for myself when we are apart and to feel like I have resources. But, but, but, WAIT!!! I only want her. I only need her. I'm not ready to be there for myself. She says it's not about separation, but it sure FEELS that way. I can't tell if I'm pissed off or totally devastated.
>
> I feel so infantile. I feel like only she can care for my primal needs right now. Only she can't (limits and limitations, of course).
>
> And she told me we need to just take a deep breath and slow waaaaayyyyy down. Well, that felt like she said You Need To Calm Down, Back Down, Need Less, Be Less, Demand Less. You Are Just Too Much For Me.
>
> Ugh. This is so, so, so hard. Why can't I just *really* hear what she is really saying? What *is* she really saying? Can I trust her? Can I even face her again?
>
> FMD
>
>
poster:workinprogress
thread:902530
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/902561.html