Posted by Doo on May 10, 2001, at 12:11:04
In reply to Re: thanks Nikki » mila, posted by NikkiT2 on May 10, 2001, at 11:12:58
> As strange as it may seem, alot fo the criteria from schizotypal do match me.. I have just beocme so adept at hiding it all, it second nature not to reveal whats really going on inside etc... One day I would love to just open my mouth and all this crap in my brain to come flooding out.. maybe then I can start from scratch and not be struggling for every breath as I seem to be now a days.
Few! This is strange enough reading this, it's as if I was reading my own words. I have never had any 'strict' diagnostic. I never really wanted one anyway. But reading all kinds of stuff leads me to think I would fit in 'schizotyical', 'schizoaffective disorder' or 'borderline personnality disorder'.
> >(socially isolated, suspicioussness, odd beliefs, ideas of reference, magical thinking, illusions, paranoid thoughts, little emotional expression, passive and unengaged, hypersensitive to critisicm, etc.)
Well, it is always difficult to qualify my own beliefs as 'odd'. Sure they can seem 'odd' to poeple who don't have the same theoretical background as me (lots of readings in psychology, psychoanalysis, bio-psychology). The other things seem to reflect well the suffering part of me, at a certain level. Paranoid thoughts, illusions *not hallucinations*, and magical thinking happen to me sometimes, not all day long. Suspiciousness is definitively part of me. It's a hard thing to overcome. I must often tell myself 'okay, this person is not going to hurt me, I'm not in a danger of any kind'. Relating to others in general is hard. Sometimes it's like I don't know how, and too often blame myself about it. But I know a little more now why I'm like this. I didn't have much space in my family to explore relating to others. Now I gotta deal with that, and I feel like I hide so many things to others... I too would like to open the mouth and let it all out. I don't really know what would come out, and that's why sometimes I think about psychoanalysis, just to let it all out, to verbalize, to express the unexpressed.
About diagnostics: we must not identify with the 'illness', and we have to remind ourselves who we really are, not all white, not all black, but in shades of grey.
On these thoughts, I wish you a good day (or night)
A feeling-a-little-better Doo
poster:Doo
thread:5880
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010417/msgs/5939.html