Posted by sar on May 19, 2001, at 1:07:07
In reply to decisions to take, posted by Doo on May 18, 2001, at 23:55:17
Hey Doo,
I hear you. I've been thinking lately that figuring out *my* needs will help me figure out the needs of others--if you know something about yourself, it is easier to recognize in others. What are your needs? Are you expressing yourself clearly to others?
You wrote that yr scared you'll deceive some people...in what way? I think I understand, depression can be so self-absorbing that it's difficult to understand the impact yr actions have on other people...that's the way I feel about myself, anyway, but only in the aftermath of a long depressive episode! I had no idea what I was doing at the time...I think, Doo, that if yr aware are the possibility of deceiving people and frightened by it, yr less likely to do it. I truly did not believe that I had the capacity to hurt others, even w/ the evidence served to me on silver platter. (I still don't really believe it.)Violent & suicidal urges are natural. I don't know that it's healthy to dwell on them but hey, at least yr not represst. :) I once had a dream that I was punching a good friend in the face and stomach really hard 'cos I was so angry at her...interpreting that dream helped me to be *reasonably* angry with her in real life, no violence involved...I never fight physically, but I relished the image in my head of how hard I hit her. (I'm a pacifist at heart, I aint got no muscles, I'm telling you this 'cos I don't want you to think that I'm actively violent, people call me "gentle" etc--what I'm telling you is visualization of violent feelings can be healthy.)
I dont know where I'm gonna live next year either! or even this summer!
yr fellow gypsy chile,
sar
poster:sar
thread:6067
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010511/msgs/6071.html