Posted by wendy b. on May 21, 2003, at 5:52:54
In reply to Thanks Wendy..., posted by mair on May 20, 2003, at 7:01:16
> ...for that wonderful explanation.
Hi Mair, I realized when I woke up that I hadn't responded to your note, I'm sorry... I miss "talking" to you...
>I've never been able to yell at my kids without feeling terribly guilty afterwards, if for no other reason than it signifies a loss of control on my part.
Yes, and loss of control happens fairly frequently, because of our illness. We have so many frustrations, like children, because we are behind, or always late, or not getting enough done, or being misunderstood, or having problems at work.
> It's worse with 2 kids because invariably the other child will side with me and start yelling also, (or at least pitch in with not very helpful comments) and what is already a stressful situation deteriorates into something far worse.
Yes, I wouldn't know about that - as kids, we were always "to be seen and not heard," so siding with one of the parents verbally was a no-no. And we tended more often to have an "us-against-them" reaction vis-a-vis siblings getting yelled at, like it was the kids VS. the parents. We always perceived we were the wronged ones. And also I have only one child, so I don't have anybody siding with me, and usually, I am in the wrong, if I lose my temper with my daughter! But I see your point about having a third party participate in the madness.
I think when I got the mood-stabilzer (neurontin) in place, I blew up at my daughter a lot less. (Not that it was a lot, but at one point, I threw a Copko spoon across the kitchen - she wasn't in the same room, but she could see me and hear my f__-up ranting. The utensil that was made of material that supposedly never broke shattered into many pieces. I was shocked at this in myself...) Also, when the AD works, in this case wellbutrin, some of my frustrations and sadness cleared up. These along with some behavior mod. And also realizing in therapy the source of my "issues," coming from my own childhood.
Thanks for saying "thanks," it make me feel good about myself, and that's always helpful. I hope you're well, write to me if you can, I'd like that...large-ish hug,
Wendy
poster:wendy b.
thread:226550
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/228042.html