Posted by Deneb on April 16, 2006, at 21:40:28
In reply to Re: Being a hermit's underrated, posted by special_k on April 16, 2006, at 20:45:15
> Hey.
> How old are you?
> A lot of people are leaving off getting married until later in life (Til mid thirties even - and I'm talking about their first marriage too). Depends on what you are looking for I guess...Right now, I don't want to get married. I don't think I even want to be in a relationship. I actually never gave marriage a thought until the other day when my Mom said I should get married and have kids. For a moment I saw her logic and I decided I wanted to get married...golly I'm insane. LOL So naturally the first thing I do is post personal ads of myself to find me a husband. ROFL What was I thinking??
> But you don't even know what you want to do with your life and my guess would be that you want / need your freedom to figure that out and meet someone along the way...
I really don't know what the heck I'm doing in life right now. I do know I didn't like it when I had a boyfriend.
> If you like your independence I don't think you will be looking at having kids anytime soon...
You're right about that. I don't even know if I *like* kids.
> But dating... Yeah nice to have a look around and figure out what you want I guess.
Now that I got reality knocked back into me, I realize that I don't think I'm even ready for dating.
> And friends... Yeah I think that is fairly important too. Sometimes it is in spending time with others that we find ourself. But online friends are friends too.
I think friends are more important for other people than for me. I seem to do alright without friends. I've been a little more social recently...don't know why that is, but my pdoc thinks it's a good sign. :-)
> My guess would be that it would be pretty hard to meet someone and try with the social banter when you aren't used to it and when you really don't know what (if anything) you have in common.
Yep...extremely awkward as well.
> I think a study group would be a good idea...
It's too late for a study group this semester, but I will give that some thought.
> But in my humble opinion you would do well in some kind of club.
> I think... Kickboxing. But whatever really.I get really self conscious. I don't know if I'm brave enough to join a class.
> You would get some exercise (and sounds like you worry about putting on weight etc and the best way to go about that it to eat sensibly and exercise). Because it is about muscle tone rather than being thin as a rake anyways (in my humble opinion).
I plan on walking/jogging after my exams are over. I have to get in shape. I know I won't be able to jog for long, but maybe, just maybe I can train myself to jog longer.
> And if it is a fairly social club you have an activity that you can DO together (not much talking in that) and you also get to feel comfortable with people and maybe go to coffee with them or something like that.
Joining a club...it's scary for me. These things are scary for me. I have not idea why meeting strangers from online is less scary! I tend to put off things like socializing until I get a sudden urge to socialize. What I should really do is get back into my astronomy group. I liked that. It was really fun.
> Mixed blessing... I spend a bit of time with people IRL... But then I find myself coming back here to talk about things I would never talk about IRL...
Yeah, talking here is much easier.
> I dunno.
>
> I get all quiet sometimes too... That's okay. I'm not particularly bubbly unless I'm around people who I'm really very comfortable with.I'm not very bubbly either. I don't think there is anyone outside of family I'm really comfortable with...yea, there's no one.
> For next time... Everybody likes to talk about themself. What they do what they like etc and that way you might find something in common.
We didn't have much in common...it was one question after another...all leading nowhere...until we ran out of questions to ask...then came the awkwardness...
> I'm not sure around the meeting internet people IRL thing... I think it is mostly okay. I just say to meet them in a public place and be sure to suss them out properly (maybe a few meetings) before being alone with them somewhere private / letting them drive you someplace or something like that.
I'm not being really safe with my online outings. About two years ago I let someone I meet online drive me somewhere... I'm taking a lot of risks without thinking...it's not so good.
> A girl around your age should be okay... But older guys... Yeah does pay to be a bit careful (guys your own age too).
Right now I'm really freaked out about what I did and what could have happened. I'm going to lay off the internet dating thing for a while. What was I thinking? I took a lot of risks. I didn't even stop to think about the risk or danger. What's wrong with me?
> Re your mother... My parents were fairly horrified when I said I met a couple people off the internet (Damos was one). I don't see any harm in telling your Mum you are going to meet some friends. I think you know the babblers well enough (how many years now?) to meet them IRL.
Thanks for understanding. I think it should be okay. I've been here over a year now, not years. LOL
> (That being said I'd be a bit careful about posting details of your plans incl accomodation on public boards because anyone can view those)
I haven't said anything too specific. I hope it's okay.
> Being in a relationship is a mixed blessing IMO. You have a lot less freedom and a lot more responsibility (typically).
Did you read what I wrote about my ideal boyfriend? I wouldn't have to talk to him everyday or see him every week. I think I like my independence. I'm not very good with relationships. I used to never call my boyfriend when I had one. He used to call me. I never used to want to hug him either. He always wanted to hug me. I'm amazed that he loved me so much and didn't mind my eccentricities.
> And as for getting old alone... Friends. Friends can be terrific there. Mixed blessing.
My Mom says that friends won't be there for me when I'm old and sick. That's what I'm a little worried about...me being sick and no one there to help me.
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:633671
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060413/msgs/633993.html