Posted by Justherself54 on December 21, 2007, at 9:27:25
In reply to CoDependency strikes again!, posted by Kath on December 16, 2007, at 17:47:21
> Hey you two,
>
> I can relate!
>
> However, 4 years in CoDependents Anonymous helped me greatly.
>
> I'm thinking of looking for an online meeting!
>
> If we get hurt by being 'too nice' - that's not a good thing!!
>
> Currently, I'm working with a counsellor on being less in the "I'M HERE FOR YOU" part of myself & being more in the "I'M HERE FOR MYSELF - what do I like; what makes me feel happy; what makes me feel strong" part of myself.
>
> The other day in a gift shop, the owner came in & was talking to the clerk. The owner apologized to me because her eyes were all red & she was really upset. She said she'd just had to put her cat of 21 years to 'sleep' & was very upset. I instantly went into "Oh jeez - I've got to HELP this poor lady" mode. I went over to her, asked her if she'd like a hug, said I was so sorry, etc etc. Then as she left I asked her if she'd like some Rescue Remedy - I had some in my purse. Before she'd come in I had been telling the clerk (who had a cast on her broken wrist) about homeopathic medicine that helped me when i had a broken toe.
>
> Nice behaviour? Weird behaviour? Blabbering on to total strangers! ANYway - I think the thing that was NOT okay about it was that I was right out of control....as if a switch had been turned on. And when I looked at it with the counsellor, I realized that it's DRAINING to be like that!
>
> Anyway, here I am going on & on.
>
> You're not alone.
>
> luv, Kath
Kath, I think your behaviour in the store was wonderful..I'm far from a people pleaser now and it took a lot of work, but what you did is exactly what I would have done..to me you simply showed wonderful compassion to someone, even though they were a stranger, who was going through a rough time..I recently went up north for a month to be with my friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer. Some of my friends thought being away for a month was extreme and asked why couldn't her family be with her..for some reason she wanted me to support her..people pleasing or compassion?
I think where we sometimes get into trouble when we please people is when we feel it should be reciprocated, and when it's not..that's when the devastation hits..when you do something for someone, do it without expecting in return..I accept the compassionate part of me as well as the part that has learned to say "no, not my problem".
Hope this makes sense..just having my morning java and not fully awake yet!
poster:Justherself54
thread:801083
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20071130/msgs/801913.html