Posted by BarbaraCat on September 13, 2003, at 15:41:14
In reply to Re: ok so who is knowledgeable about meth? » BarbaraCat, posted by judy1 on September 13, 2003, at 11:00:51
A very good question and one that I've wondered many times. I don't know about long term use of meth/coke and doubt if anyone knows for sure. None of my pdocs have been particularly knowledgeable about this subject which I think is more in the realm of neuropsychiatry and neurophysiology. Yes, I definitely used it to self medicate. A friend in high school ripped off some black beauties from her pharmacy sales clerk job and I thought 'Oh my God, this is what normal feels like!' But I had had a very abusive situation because of my father's BP and I was already very depressed, and understandably so. If I had been able to use it therapeutically and not need more more more, who knows where I'd be? It could have been enough to offset the severe depression that was just getting a foothold, and happily retrained my neural circuitry because it did make me feel so very very much better, at first. Perhaps I was really ADD which is why I felt so focussed, calm and normal on an amphetamine, but perhaps I developed a much more severe BP-1 condition because of neuro-damage from meth? Would I be less prone to a neurochemical imbalance if I hadn't fried my brain 30 years ago? I think that's probably a given, but to what extent?
My genes and abusive childhood make my illness highly probable, but how would I be had I not indulged to the point of neuro-toxicity? My brain is not going to be pink, grey and healthy no matter what because of the childhood abuse. Do others who had a wonderful childhood with no hint of genetic taint go on to develop a mood disorder by abusing stimulants?
The lines get so blurred because we both, and probably 90% of other abusers, have had childhood trauma which appears to definitely affect the brain structure. The hippocampal structure contains the amygdala, which is the 'fear' center of the brain, so any change to that structure is going to do something as regards to fear, anxiety, stress, etc. PTSD is going to do harm to that structure, but how much harm was postponed or reinterpreted due to the effects of 'self-medicating' due to an intolerable childhood?
There was a poll a while back on this board asking who had good childhoods and were still depressed/bipolar. It was very surprising how many had great childhoods, in fact, most did. But the question about drugs' contribution did not come up. Maybe it's time to do another poll.
Alot of publicity has been paid to celebrities' abuse of coke and their subsequent Parkinson's Disease. We personally know a few people like that. But even with something which seems a no-brainer in it's obvious connection, neurologists can't say for sure if there is a correlation. Some even say that the coke delayed the inevitable, that the coke was self-medicating a condition that was already in progress and actually acted as a protective agent. Hmmm, maybe in therapeutic quantities, but it seems very likely that persistent overuse is going to do SOMETHING unhealthy. I guess the question comes down to, is is permanent? This would be a very good subject for someone's dissertation.
Here's a question for you. What is it about meth vs. coke users that were different/darker? In what way and why do you think that's so? - Barbara
> I'm very curious about what your pdoc has to say about your past drug use and your bipolar diagnosis. I also have a bp1 dx, and used cocaine extensively in my 20's- a decade ago- but really had bp symptoms since my teens (my father was also dxed with manic depression and was an alcoholic). I guess I always looked at it as a way to self-medicate, are those your feelings too? Have you had any brain studies done- PET scan, etc.? I did and have a small hippocampus which my pdoc claims is a result of childhood abuse or PTSD, he never mentioned any changes in brain structure as a result of drug abuse. Although if you think about it, the same pathways are affected so I would think it has to contribute. How are your symptoms now? Are you on meds currently? Thanks and sorry to get away from the meth subject- the people I knew on meth were a whole lot scarier then the people I knew on coke.
> take care, judy
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:257077
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20030903/msgs/259700.html