Posted by katia on December 21, 2003, at 15:03:03
In reply to Re: got drunk, period » katia, posted by BarbaraCat on December 21, 2003, at 14:14:28
HI MISS BARBARA CAT!!!
Missed you.
I was writing this morning that I feel like I'm a prisoner to alcohol. It's so tricky. The brief moments that I tried to remain sober (five weeks), I got a glimpse of how huge this addiction thing is. While I'm in it, it doesn't feel big. There are lots of layers to come off. I finally just gave in for the holidays I'm not even going to try now.Your hangover description sounds like me. And I have to say since being on Lamictal at 200mg (and even lower dosages), I get WICKED hangovers. like someone steals my brain and hides it from me, then b/c of that I get disassociated feeling and then I get panicky and anxious and all day I feel like puking. BUT YET, I continue to do it.
I can totally relate to the reasoning of the beast. My latest thing is, "wow, i just discovered Italian (bigger ones) reds.". How could I possibly quit now? I have to experience them in all sorts of settings, with pasta and sausages, with blah blah blah. It's the tricks of the trickster. After the holidays I'm going to find a sponsor and find an AA group I like. Even as I sit here and write, my brain is thinking "ok, ok, we get your threat. We'll be good and never exceed two glasses at a time - just don't give us sobriety! we'll be good I promise!!!". It takes getting sober for me to understand all the layers of my relationship with alcohol. And I just started Lithium (Eskalith CR) 450mg a day for 12 days and then up to 900mg is that doesn't work. And I am hoping this works. So therefore, the meds will replace what the wine does for me. Isn't your dose 750mg? And Lam 175?
As far as about only chardonnays working for you, I personally think is just that everyone has their favorite - mine happens to be a delicious med-full bodied red in all forms. love those buttery chards too mind you...
it does the trick for me too - when I'm tired, it lifts me, when I'm mixed it soothes me, when I 'm depressed it brightens my day. I read somewhere where 60-70% of bipolars have substance abuse problems too. and the author said, it should be stated that bipolars "misuse" (not abuse) (in intent anyway - there's certainly abuse that happens) because it's a form of self medication. Now that I have the meds and if they work, I don't need booze anymore in this way.
It's sooooo tricky Barbara, as you know. God, we are trying though - bless us.
Sooooo very good to hear from you sweetie.
Sending you a cyber hug ((()))).
Love,
Katia
poster:katia
thread:268981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031208/msgs/292155.html