Posted by katia on November 15, 2003, at 14:31:34
In reply to Re: Glad you are here - » katia, posted by BarbaraCat on November 10, 2003, at 19:30:04
(tail between the legs katia reporting...)
It was inevitable! With my mood as of yesterday, I went to work on fire ready to fight with anyone. It was super busy and I got two tables - one French with 7 of their own wine and another one with three of their own. Each INSISTED that I try some of it. After the second (OH! I would love to, but I quit drinking), I said OK, I'll TASTE it. And those tastes that were kept given to me totalled about 2 glasses +. God. I suddenly felt silly for being so down before and WHAT WAS THE FUSS ABOUT? Life is so easy with a bit of wine. An instant medication. I was tolerable and tolerant and funny/chatty. Went out after work and had my first martini and a comso after that. oh, and a merlot.
came home with the bartender (no sex.....thank god) and had a beer on the porch talking about the difference between intelligent people, and geniuses. Smoked a lot of cigs. Gave away a much cherished autographed book by Ken Wilber (speaking of geniuses....). And woke up this morning with my clothes still on and a waste basket near the bed (speaking of idiots....).
I'm having trouble accessing the ole' brain.
boy oh boy. They say in "recovery" that part of it is relaspe. Oh goodie - that gives me an excuse.
But it is interesting monitoring this sober thing and seeing exactly WHY i drink. it's so about self-medicating for me. I don't crave it any other time - apart from eating really good food and wanting wine to complement it.
I really hit a wall yesterday. It really felt inevitable. i'd lost all inner resources and strength.
One quick thought - Barbara - two days ago my breasts started hurting - PMS signs. That's also the day I "lost" it and continued to lose it.If one gets their hormones checked, what is the best time to do it?
AND do the levels change thru' out the month?
If I pay all this money, I want to know once and for all.
Do you know any of this?
how are you doing?
it seems you're taking a psychobabble break.
love,
katia
poster:katia
thread:268981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031014/msgs/280026.html