Posted by Tony P on April 5, 2004, at 1:44:40
In reply to Re: Feel so Guilty, posted by PeggyY on April 2, 2004, at 13:10:07
> The first thing I do when I have relapsed in the past is to go diectly to an AA meeting and to the women that love and support me there. I am clear about the fact that I can't fix myself or do it alone.
>
> PeggyI couldn't agree more - asap AA or NA as appropriate (or wherever your most supportive friends are).
I have come to understand that guilt ("I goofed, so what should I do next [time]") is quite separate from shame ("I goofed, so I am a terrible person whom nobody could love"). Shame needs the antidote of finding people who accept me unconditionally. So many times I have walked into a meeting in fear and self-loathing after a relapse, and never have I had any greeting other than "Tony - how good to see you again! How have you been?").
The natural condition of a chronic addict/alcoholic is stoned - anything else is a daily miracle. So no-one need be ashamed of a relapse.
That said, don't fall into the trap (as I sometimes have) that says "I picked up, so now I can't stop". We're powerless by ourselves in the long term over our addiction, but if we absolutely could never stop after starting there'd be no recovered people around! I had someone remind me of this recently as I have been having trouble staying clean: Just because I picked up, doesn't mean I can't put down. It's the oppposite that's true - if I never take that first drink or use the first time, I won't ever take the second, third or hundredth. I'm going on about this because I really need to tell myself!
The only important question after a relapse, as always, is, "so, what do I do next?
Tony P
poster:Tony P
thread:328198
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040130/msgs/332764.html