Posted by James K on January 30, 2006, at 16:29:43
For so many years, I did everything but work with drink by my side. Then 18 months with no work. By a quirk of timing, using this computer is the only activity I don't associate with drinking. I'm blasting music trying to reconnect to it sober. Movies are very hard, even in the theater because I used a flask. Reading, sex, TV, everything.
I got triggered by a post earlier today, and I've been struggling. The most important thing is that if I drink at this point in my life, I may continue hurting myself. I want to be back in the Outpatient program so bad. I'm f*cked. I was using the support there and trying to find a way to accept therapy and AA by the time I graduated. I had a hellish longterm halfway house aa experience 13 years ago. Plus I hated God for a long time, now I ignore him.
Nothing else, except maybe writing out loud and aknowledging how I'm feeling will do me or someone else some good.
How can we stand it. Time then more time just waiting for something that will just be more time.
Thank you for your attention to this matter,
James K. II
poster:James K
thread:604549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20051211/msgs/604549.html