Posted by James K on January 31, 2006, at 0:17:25
In reply to Re: Fell off the wagon, posted by deirdrehbrt on January 30, 2006, at 23:41:31
That was an eloquent and effective defense and argument in favor of attending a 12 step meeting. In 1985, I was named a national merit semifinalist. At that age of 16, I had already been sniffing glue and engine degreaser, smoking pot and drinking for 7 years. I went to a University on a 3 quarter full scholarship. I was 17 and had already determined my future. I was going to be a drunk. I worked at it. I've already made myself physically dependant on alcohol several times in my life. I am drunk right this second. This is incrediblely risky, because i never know what will happen. I've had the most fun in my life, and I've been places that humans shouldn't have to go to. I don't care about the cost to my brain, because my brain was the f*cking problem in the first place. I do care about the people I love and love me. They don't know about the real story. I'd rather be here than anywhere else. Nothing matters. My physical being, my psychic health, nothing matters except Smokey Robinson on the stereo. I don't even know what day this is, but about one week ago, I was on the street out of control. Drink is everything. I am nothing. I can't imagine life without, I can't imagine caring about anything but rock 'n'roll and alcohol. I never had anything else. I'm not going to die on purpose. I hope I get tired before things get out of control. My laptop is overheating. I have to wait seconds between words. I'm not asking for sympathy or help, I'm documenting tonight. I love and care about the humans on the other side of this screen. I'm not sure about this side.
I have to sign off and listen for a while.
James K
poster:James K
thread:604176
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20051211/msgs/604711.html