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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Doo on March 10, 2001, at 18:29:43
Hello everyone. Let me introduce myself...
I'm 26. I have a hard time living. 5 years ago, a mushroom badtrip "toxic psychosis" made all my life (which wasn't quite fun) fall into pieces. I was seeing a psychologist who was totally against medication, and I believed in him. But it was too tough and after a suicidal attempt, I went to see the doc, who prescribed me some Paxil. It helped a bit but I had a hypomanic episode on it so I stopped taking it. Then I tried Serzone, and Effexor. They didn't do anything. Now I'm taking Manerix 300mg plus Neurontin 1200mg. But I'm still having a hard time living, especially when it comes to taking a decision. I try to choose a way, and I start feeling bad about my choice and about myself, autodestructive impulses come from inside and I think about suicide. I remember how my parents were ignoring me, treating me like I was less than nothing. I'm always angry but poeple can't see that, cause I hide it so well. But inside, I feel broken, afraid, and I feel like even if I ask for help nobody could help me.
I think I have BPD. I think about trying Zyprexa (I have the pills, but I'm scared of the dyskinesia). I read about Lamictal for BPD, did anyone try it?
I'm scared cause the ideas I had when I did my psychosis come back to me, and all they say is that suicide is the only way to go. But I don't want to die! I'm scared of the part of me who wants to die. How can I protect myself from myself? I would like to find a medication that will bring me back my feeling of BEING SOMEONE. I'm so tired of fighting to stay alive. I'm okay some days, but the mornings are always hard. I have a hard time finding the motivation, the energy to get up.
Is there any medication that would keep me from hurting myself inside, that would help me feeling I have rights and a dignity?
All coments welcome!
Doo.
Posted by smylin on March 10, 2001, at 20:36:53
In reply to Maybe u can help me?, posted by Doo on March 10, 2001, at 18:29:43
Sorry I can't offer advice. My heart goes out to you. I was misdiagnosed for about 12-14 years. I am now on the path of what I hope to be recovery. Adivice? Change doctors if necessary, don't be afraid to assert yourself - your life is worth saving even at the expense of a doctors ego!
Smylin
Posted by willow on March 10, 2001, at 22:26:10
In reply to Maybe u can help me?, posted by Doo on March 10, 2001, at 18:29:43
"I think about trying Zyprexa (I have the pills, but I'm scared of the dyskinesia.)"
My father has been prescrided Zyprexa and I believe that it is suppose to help with his dyskinesia. Try doing a search with the "Zyprexa and dyskinesia" on this site to see if it is a common side-effect. There's some people on this who post regularly who'll be able to answer your specific questions regarding medications.
"I'm scared cause the ideas I had when I did my psychosis come back to me, and all they say is that suicide is the only way to go. But I don't want to die! I'm scared of the part of me who wants to die."Doo, I don't think part of you wants to die but just to relieve the distress. This happens to me when I'm stressed or shortly after a stressful event. It is scary when you're young. The first time it happened to me (in my teens) I acted on it, but now as I'm older I just count to ten.
I have found that seeing a psychologist has helped. After being on effexor for about five weeks I had considered stopping it and was talking about it to the psychologists. It was one of the rare times I had seen him react emotionally, "No!" So not all psychologists are anti-medication. Perhaps finding another one can help to releve some of your distress.
Check out the Social-Babble board, there's a recent post on there about PBD I think.
Best Wishes
Willow
Posted by ChrisK on March 11, 2001, at 5:45:18
In reply to Maybe u can help me?, posted by Doo on March 10, 2001, at 18:29:43
Try the Zyprexa. It worked great for me in reducing any suicidal thoughts that were ruminating in my head. It has been the one thing that cleared my mind and helped me think more clearly.
The dyskenisia side effect is very rare and is currently assocoated with long term use. If you try it start with 2.5 or 5 mg/day. You will probably notice a lot of sedation during the first week or two so take it after dinner. It will also help you sleep better. I noticed a response within the first week. It doesn't take long to figure out if it is helping you.
It's definitely worth a try.
Posted by phillybob on March 11, 2001, at 8:52:45
In reply to Re: Maybe u can help me?, posted by ChrisK on March 11, 2001, at 5:45:18
Here's Psychobabble discussion thread link (with links within) to what info I'd offer in this situation: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010310/msgs/56133.html
There also seems to be some people who've had prolonged success with mood stabilizers (I hope to be one too); some of these "successes" post (Judy, I think) and others ... well, what do they need us for? :) Best wishes.
As far as Zyprexa, I have not followed threads closely on this. Has anyone had prolonged success with this drug? It helped when I took it, but I started gaining a lot of weight and that was a side effect which made me more unhappy.
Posted by Doo on March 11, 2001, at 18:41:21
In reply to Maybe u can help me?, posted by Doo on March 10, 2001, at 18:29:43
Thank you all for your feedback and infos! I did not find anything about zyprexa and dyskinesia on the babble. Only a brain shrinkage thing! I'll see my doc in 2 weeks I'll discuus with her about the options I have, since my actual meds don't seem to keep me from having self-destructive thoughts.
Willow, about the dying thing to releave the distress, it's partially true, but there is a more terrifying thing about all this. I usually never talk about it cause I don't think it's the kind of things poeple need to hear (or read) about. When I did my psychosis, I was not anxious or in pain. I was only with the kind of consciousness of all the unconscious impulses that lead my to act or think in any way. And all became so absurd. It's the kind of experience that I don't wish to anyone because it's very hard to get out of it. It's been a couple of years now and the fear of living that thing again is still very strong in me. Just talking about it makes me feel so bad. I'm carrying a big big bag of fear and suffering, and I hope to find a way to get my life back.
Oh btw, I read some stuff about "SAFE" therapy, seemed interesting, if ne1 has more info about it, it would be appreciated.
Take care,
Doo.
Posted by Patsy on March 13, 2001, at 22:08:09
In reply to Re: Maybe u can help me?, posted by Doo on March 11, 2001, at 18:41:21
I took Wellbutrin to quit smoking and as an antidepressant, it seemed to work well except for the irritation, so I think Buspar would work for that. But now my Doc changed me to Nortrip since I also have cronic pain (intercostal neuritis). After 8 days I am out of it. I am calling my Doc to see if this is normal. Good Luck to you-
Posted by Doo on March 16, 2001, at 11:42:43
In reply to Re: Maybe u can help me?, posted by Patsy on March 13, 2001, at 22:08:09
Thank's everyone for your messages.
I will probably try Lamictal, but before I see my doc, I might try on those zyprexa pills she prescribed a couple of weeks ago. I read about Risperdal being quite effective when used punctually. But I didn't find anything on Zyprexa regarding this...
Anyone have any info about that?Doo
This is the end of the thread.
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