![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 29 to 53 of 57. Go back in thread:
Posted by maxx44 on December 8, 2003, at 17:09:58
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by Dog on December 8, 2003, at 15:05:17
true, one cup is my limit. but it is a powerfull AD---green tea would be wiser, perhaps you could pack some tea-bags to work? regards
Posted by DeeJay on December 9, 2003, at 8:30:36
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by maxx44 on December 8, 2003, at 17:09:58
I'm drinking my coffee right now as we speak but I could not sleep last night, and once I got to sleep, it was time to get up. I had a glass and a half of wine that knocked me out...a glass and a half!! That never happens. I'm too tired to be wired today..;p I used to drink tea alll the time. But I get bored and need a new taste.
Cheers,
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 9, 2003, at 8:34:42
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by DeeJay on December 8, 2003, at 15:08:56
i wish i wanted to quit coffee, but it is such a part of my life.... i look at it as a necessary evil... good thing i only drink one or two cups in the morning, and that with plenty of skim milk...i call it my "cafe con leche"... i cannot drink any caffeinated product or even eat chocolate after 10 or 11 am or else i have a lot of trouble sleeping... coffee/caffeine can be really bad, particularly if its drank in excess... i met this lawyer one time who was drinking 4 or 5 pots of coffee a day at one time... he tried drinking "de-caf", which is a misnomer because there is caffeine in so-called decaffeinated coffee also, albeit in reduced amounts...he said he was saved from drinking coffee by drinking some sort of a roasted grain product, can't remember the name, but it has no caffeine in it....drinking water is great... i know i need to drink more water during the day... its easy for me to get dehydrated and then my BP goes way down and i get dizzy, weak, and ill. the wellbutrin can help with some sexual functioning, but don't be afraid to seek help if it doesn't...
> Yeah, see, my doc didn't tell me that either. And I'm learning on my own that I need to stop drinking so much coffee but bluh! It's hard..especially when I'm at work. I do drink alot of water throughout the day though. I think my doc just wants me to have good sex again, since I havn't in a long time. Hopefully the WB does it's job in that department.
>
> Cheers,
>
> Deej
Posted by Dog on December 9, 2003, at 8:44:28
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by DeeJay on December 9, 2003, at 8:30:36
it takes like 10 or more hours for the caffeine to get our of you system, at least enough so it doesn't keep you up...you might try what i do: drink all the coffee you want in the early morning, but don't drink any past 9 or 10 am, the earlier you stop drinking the better...i don't drink alcohol, but isn't alcohol not recommended with wellbutrin?
i read one time somewhere, but i do not at all recommend it, and that is that less sleep makes you less depressed for some reason... i need at least 8 hours and try to get 9 each night...
> I'm drinking my coffee right now as we speak but I could not sleep last night, and once I got to sleep, it was time to get up. I had a glass and a half of wine that knocked me out...a glass and a half!! That never happens. I'm too tired to be wired today..;p I used to drink tea alll the time. But I get bored and need a new taste.
>
> Cheers,
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 9, 2003, at 8:50:41
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by Dog on December 9, 2003, at 8:44:28
See, I had concerns about the WB with the alcohol, but I don't have a history of seizure. I enjoy wine too much. I noticed I don't like to smoke much anymore on the WB, so it works there. I also don't eat like I used to, my portions are smaller. I'm a health nut anyway (minus the coffee and wine) so it's not a major change. I have to have my vice, and that's what I don't deprive myself of. I have another question, probably obvious, but I have often wondered if adolescent drug use could have contributed to any of my adult anxiety now.....hmmmm....maybe too obvious...
Cheers,
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 9, 2003, at 9:21:30
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by DeeJay on December 9, 2003, at 8:50:41
i did drugs as a youth also. my Dad also is an alcoholic, so i grew up with it seeing it abused and then abusing it myself when i was a teenager. i quit all illegal drugs and alcohol at about 20...in my miss-spent youth, i've experimented with almost every drug you could name...i never used a needle though... i wonder also if the drugs i did as a youth affected what i am today... i think they'd had to have done something... i didn't do them everyday, only on weekends mostly, but i've done LSD, PCP, Coke, Heroin (snorted), Ecstasy (MDA) and alot of marijuana... and that probably wasn't very organic marijuana... i heard the DEA used to spray illegal marijuana fields with a strong weed-killer called "Paraquat", but that the marijuana would be harvested anyway... smoking dope sprayed with that stuff probably didn't do me any good either... probably never know for sure of the damage i've done... an argument for my doing drugs could be that i was trying to medicate myself because i didn't feel right due to my chemical imbalance...don't know for sure..
Drinking wine is good "health-nut" behavior...there are many studies that prove wine is good for you, at least in moderate amounts... i can't drink it though...my problem is that i would like it too much, i think, and couldn't control my drinking: i don't want to go my Dad's route... he and i are already too much alike!
have enjoyed writing to you... got to go now though and do my work...i have to travel in my public health job as a field worker.. write back when you can..
would appreciate hearing from you again,
Dog> See, I had concerns about the WB with the alcohol, but I don't have a history of seizure. I enjoy wine too much. I noticed I don't like to smoke much anymore on the WB, so it works there. I also don't eat like I used to, my portions are smaller. I'm a health nut anyway (minus the coffee and wine) so it's not a major change. I have to have my vice, and that's what I don't deprive myself of. I have another question, probably obvious, but I have often wondered if adolescent drug use could have contributed to any of my adult anxiety now.....hmmmm....maybe too obvious...
>
> Cheers,
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 9, 2003, at 9:40:51
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha??? » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 9, 2003, at 9:21:30
Now I know I'm not alone. My cousin and I have oftened wondered if recreational use had screwed us up...he's on Lexapro and is the most cynical kid I know, but super smart. As a teenager, I did way too much lsd, even did my 10th grade research paper on it..;p..no, not obvious at all...I didn't toke much...couldn't stay awake...but that's all I have done. And too many years of it, I'm afraid. My mom was sick at the time, died when I was 17....and I'm sure that's where that all came from. I have to get back to work as well, thanks for chatting with me. Take care, be back soon.
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 9, 2003, at 17:47:24
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by DeeJay on December 9, 2003, at 9:40:51
alot of things can damage the brain... i am a lead inspector and i know that lead damages kids brains at young ages... been doing it for 10 yrs. and i've seen kids that have problems now because of lead poisoning ...being a man, i've even heard testosterone flooding my brain during puberty as an adolescent did a kind of brain damage...so brain damage happens to many at one time or another...
i've never really explored the possibilities the drug use did damage to me... it probably did, though i could never tell for sure... it was when i quit drinking (which also kills brain cells), quit smoking cigarettes and dope and quit other recreational drugs that i was able to go to college and study... because i partied so much, i barely made it thru high school...i quit drugs and then i went to a 2 year community college w/ an open door policy ... i couldn't have gotten into a 4 year college at that point...then i got an associates degree, i did OK there and then got a bachelors and then did some graduate study... i am a graduate school drop-out, as the depression really hit hard in grad school..... i was about 25 when it hit hard... because i had once, i believe, had a problem with alcohol and drugs, it was very difficult to begin taking a chemical again, even though it was for depression and from a Dr.
i almost finished grad school though and still might someday.
i know this guy in my small hometown, who people say drugs really affected him. i knew him before and after and definitely can see somethings affected him for the worse.
some other things i've heard: even if the brain is damaged some, while there are never new brain cells made, there can be new neurological pathways made... we only use a small portion of our brains and i have heard Dr.s say the brain can restore itself by creating new pathways...we must keep learning, i have heard also so our brains don't deteriorate...keep trying new things and keep ourselves exposed to good things like good art and good movies and good books and good exercise...challenging ourselves continually... i don't enough because of the depression, but want to... i think in Jan. i am going to take a class to see if i can still do it...i have a secondary teaching certificate that has lapsed and i have to take a class to get it back up to date...so sorry about your Mother.. it must have been very difficult, esp. at that age... 17 is a crucial time in a person's life...my mother died last May... she was almost 75... she died at my house... i was there when she died, holding her hand... it was difficult then at 40, i can't imagine 17... some say if you don't grieve right when someone close to you dies, that can cause problems like depression and things...only thing is, at young ages, we usually don't know anything about grieving...
> Now I know I'm not alone. My cousin and I have oftened wondered if recreational use had screwed us up...he's on Lexapro and is the most cynical kid I know, but super smart. As a teenager, I did way too much lsd, even did my 10th grade research paper on it..;p..no, not obvious at all...I didn't toke much...couldn't stay awake...but that's all I have done. And too many years of it, I'm afraid. My mom was sick at the time, died when I was 17....and I'm sure that's where that all came from. I have to get back to work as well, thanks for chatting with me. Take care, be back soon.
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 10, 2003, at 11:06:49
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by Dog on December 9, 2003, at 17:47:24
Thanks for sharing...you know, your story about the guy who was affected by drugs reminded me of my best friend in high school, (whom I have forgotten for some GOD AWFUL reason, shame on me)who did the lsd and other stuff with me. He was way worse and ended up getting in a bad semi-auto accident. By semi, I mean he was in the back of a truck, drunk, and the driver of the truck had stopped at a red light when my friend decided he was going to get out and move to the inside. Well, he didn't tell anyone this, so the light turned green and he was semi run over and his head got bounced around to the point of a week long coma. (all of this while my mom was on the brink) After that, he never functioned the same and ended up becoming Pentecost, the total opposite of the "punk" kid he used to be. Now he's fine, but the docs beleive both heavy usage and trauma have left him half the person he was. He had severe anxiety, loss of memory, social phobia, learning problems and severe depression. I know he was on meds, but not sure what kind.
About your mom, I was there when mine died too. The most surreal thing ever in my life. She had cancer, died at age 52. Did you experience a strange cold feeling surround you in her midst of leaving?....I swear it was her soul or some magical unexplainable step in death.
After typing my story about my friend, it makes me realize that things aren't all that bad. I'm actually a psychiatrist's assistant at a major hospital, so I have a pretty good insight to what I'm feeling, what dope I need/don't need, and the Wellbutrin just didn't make sense. Funny how this thread had turned into memory lane. It's more like a "thread combo" because all the info. coincides with both grief and medication, why we are the way we are, and what to do to make each day better. I'm still working on that. I applaud you for thinking about finishing school. You've journeyed farther than me, I stopped at my B.A. but I wouldn't change what I'm doing for anything.
I must get back to work, and appreciate all the responses I've gotten..
Cheers, >clanking of the glasses<
and I'll have another!Deej
Posted by Dog on December 10, 2003, at 15:26:03
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha???, posted by DeeJay on December 10, 2003, at 11:06:49
Boy, "surreal" is such a a good word to describe it.. thank you for that... we had hospice and they were pretty helpful mostly... the Dr. thru them had given us morphine to give Mom and toward the last it seemed to help her pain, she went to sleep, but then she just kind of lapsed into this breathing thing where she was making a sound like a moan with each exhale...she did that for hours... we all knew the end was very near... there was just me and my wife with her and my sister and bro in law in the other room when she breathed her last... my sister didn't think she could handle it and was crying in the other room...so, Mom was making this moaning sound with each breath, then, all of sudden, it was about 2 am her breathing rhythm abruptly changed in sound and time... i can't now remember if it was slower... i think it was slower... i was over her holding her hand and touching her cheek and all of a sudden it seemed like she just leaned up out of the bed, but it was surreal, that is such an excellent word to describe it... and it was like spiritual too... i can't describe it very well but i'll never forget it! like slow motion..then she went back down and that was it... i couldn't tell if she was still breathing for a few moments... i put my ear down to her mouth/nose and felt nothing... then i felt for a pulse and couldn't find one... then i noticed the color of her face was changing to this sort of grayish color..i told my sister i thought she'd died and then my sister screamed...
i sort of remember being cold like you said you did, but i was tired and i don't remember the coldness as much... we'd been up for several days on and off and i know i was sleep deprived...but the thing i'll never forget is her raising up out of her bed and in retrospect it was like her spirit was leaving her body then... i still don't know for sure if she actually physically raised up any, but it sure looked like it...but "surreal"... that is such a good word to describe it...what is your B.A. in? my B.A. is in Biology at Knox College in Galesburg IL...
thats neat you're a Psychiatrist's Asst....to be a Psychiatrist's Asst., what sort of training/degree do you have to have?you're right too about being fortunate... 5 of my best friends are dead now due to accidents involving drugs and drinking... all young men that i was close to...i miss them...
> Thanks for sharing...you know, your story about the guy who was affected by drugs reminded me of my best friend in high school, (whom I have forgotten for some GOD AWFUL reason, shame on me)who did the lsd and other stuff with me. He was way worse and ended up getting in a bad semi-auto accident. By semi, I mean he was in the back of a truck, drunk, and the driver of the truck had stopped at a red light when my friend decided he was going to get out and move to the inside. Well, he didn't tell anyone this, so the light turned green and he was semi run over and his head got bounced around to the point of a week long coma. (all of this while my mom was on the brink) After that, he never functioned the same and ended up becoming Pentecost, the total opposite of the "punk" kid he used to be. Now he's fine, but the docs beleive both heavy usage and trauma have left him half the person he was. He had severe anxiety, loss of memory, social phobia, learning problems and severe depression. I know he was on meds, but not sure what kind.
>
> About your mom, I was there when mine died too. The most surreal thing ever in my life. She had cancer, died at age 52. Did you experience a strange cold feeling surround you in her midst of leaving?....I swear it was her soul or some magical unexplainable step in death.
>
> After typing my story about my friend, it makes me realize that things aren't all that bad. I'm actually a psychiatrist's assistant at a major hospital, so I have a pretty good insight to what I'm feeling, what dope I need/don't need, and the Wellbutrin just didn't make sense. Funny how this thread had turned into memory lane. It's more like a "thread combo" because all the info. coincides with both grief and medication, why we are the way we are, and what to do to make each day better. I'm still working on that. I applaud you for thinking about finishing school. You've journeyed farther than me, I stopped at my B.A. but I wouldn't change what I'm doing for anything.
>
> I must get back to work, and appreciate all the responses I've gotten..
>
> Cheers, >clanking of the glasses<
> and I'll have another!
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 10, 2003, at 16:23:49
In reply to Re: Wellbutrin for anxiety wha??? » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 10, 2003, at 15:26:03
Surreal is an EXCELLENT word for this whole discovery about our moms. I experienced the SAME THING, at the very last moment, I was in my brother's room, listening to a CD, when my sister-in-law came in and told me "it's time" and my poor dad was so angry and tired of the whole thing that he aggressively told my mom to "go, I can't take this anymore" and she did. Took that last breath, kinda seemed to sit up a bit, and her face immediately turned grayish purple. Man, what an experience I don't wish on anyone.
I have my B.A. in Communications....and how I got my job was an accident. My dad's girlfriend is a research nurse where I work and an opening for a "secretary" became mine.....only after I met with my doc/boss, and we discussed I would do "more research and write stuff" other than "medial secretary stuff." Hey, as long as my foot is in the door. I have a pretty good background in writing and research and that's what she needed. I was also a psych major for a year until I just didn't have enough brain power to finish, so I switched to what I know. It also helps that my doc/boss and I have alot in common. Her mom has cancer and is being treated at our hospital.
So, I truly believe that I am here for a reason...maybe because it was my initial dream to be a psych and the fact that I had a difficult time with my moms death....so I'm making up for it by "assisting" and "being around cancer patients" and learning a whole lot. As far as training goes, I'm still in the process.
My own psych (not boss) heard my story and believes that I don't need extensive therapy, that I have delayed grieving and a helluva lot of insight due to my job, however, I need a little help. That's where the Wellbutrin comes in. I still don't know though....I was a Paxil kid for a few years, but man. I didn't feel anything! No emotions....and I would cry for no reason and had no peripheral vision in my life...(not physically). It was horrible.
I'm rambling on, but it's so great to know that my experience has been "experienced" by another human being, and all too exact.
Right now I'm researching magnesium and antidepressants and have become super interested in the need our bodies have for the magnesium, and how little we tend to "fix" our mental mis-haps with obvious lacking nutrients. Who would have thunk that???....;)
Take care..
Cheers >clank<
and yes, I will have another.Deej
Posted by Dog on December 10, 2003, at 17:32:32
In reply to Surreal, that about sums that up!!, posted by DeeJay on December 10, 2003, at 16:23:49
i really like the way you word things and it is a real pleasure to "talk" with someone who has had similar experiences... you are truly a gifted communicator... i love words, but i don't often express my feelings very well... the way you described a kind of peripheral vision: i'd like to further explore that in myself in that i think i'm that way also... would wellbutring do that to me like Paxil did to you? at one time i was in grad. school and had ambitions, but once i began medication, it seems i lost a lot of direction ... i am glad you have a good career and that you are happy in it...its very refreshing to hear someone has such fortune... i am very frustrated in mine and i feel like i am stuck..i sometimes seem to be just existing... there seems to be a "numbness" to my life... its almost like the medication has taken away some of who i am or who i was meant to be... not like i'm totally a zombie, but maybe sort of like one at times because i don't have the aspirations i once had...like some of my energy was taken away with it...its hard to describe (i wish i had your ability to express myself) i seem to cry alot and cry easily too.
on the other hand, i think one of my big problems is i am too in-grown... i am too self-obsessed, if that makes any sense...i need to get out of myself and stop obsessing about my problems... i need to help others...volunteer work might be a big help to me...
Posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 8:12:55
In reply to Surreal, that about sums that up!!, posted by DeeJay on December 10, 2003, at 16:23:49
Deej,
Wasn't that kind of a "kick in the pants" for you for your Dad to say that to your Mom as she was dying?... to me, anyway, that seemed a little harsh and/or selfish on his part... too bad its the last thing he said to her... its funny how different people react to things and it sounds like your Dad was at the end of his rope...
too bad... i have some resentment toward some of my family members over the whole thing of Mom's death, and also some guilt on my part in it, but i think with time it will pass or at least get less sore...
Re essential nutrients: when i was in college, i took a bio-chem class that was team-taught by two of my prof.s called "Nutrition and Metabolism"... one of the main projects was to record everything we ate for two weeks and estimate portions and then do a study over what the foods contained in regards to not only calories, but every vitamin and nutrient involved... there was a couple of things that were difficient in my diet: Vit. C was one, and the other i can't remember for sure, but it might have been magnesium... i am sure it was a metal though...how does magnesium or lack of it affect or cause depression?its no big news to me, just from the small correspondence with you i have seen, that your doc believes you don't need big therapy... just in the little amount of our communication, i have found you giving me psycho-therapy, and that is, i think, the sign of a very healthy mind...so whatever you're doing for yourself, it appears you're doing right...
keep up the good work!
Dog> Surreal is an EXCELLENT word for this whole discovery about our moms. I experienced the SAME THING, at the very last moment, I was in my brother's room, listening to a CD, when my sister-in-law came in and told me "it's time" and my poor dad was so angry and tired of the whole thing that he aggressively told my mom to "go, I can't take this anymore" and she did. Took that last breath, kinda seemed to sit up a bit, and her face immediately turned grayish purple. Man, what an experience I don't wish on anyone.
>
> I have my B.A. in Communications....and how I got my job was an accident. My dad's girlfriend is a research nurse where I work and an opening for a "secretary" became mine.....only after I met with my doc/boss, and we discussed I would do "more research and write stuff" other than "medial secretary stuff." Hey, as long as my foot is in the door. I have a pretty good background in writing and research and that's what she needed. I was also a psych major for a year until I just didn't have enough brain power to finish, so I switched to what I know. It also helps that my doc/boss and I have alot in common. Her mom has cancer and is being treated at our hospital.
>
> So, I truly believe that I am here for a reason...maybe because it was my initial dream to be a psych and the fact that I had a difficult time with my moms death....so I'm making up for it by "assisting" and "being around cancer patients" and learning a whole lot. As far as training goes, I'm still in the process.
>
> My own psych (not boss) heard my story and believes that I don't need extensive therapy, that I have delayed grieving and a helluva lot of insight due to my job, however, I need a little help. That's where the Wellbutrin comes in. I still don't know though....I was a Paxil kid for a few years, but man. I didn't feel anything! No emotions....and I would cry for no reason and had no peripheral vision in my life...(not physically). It was horrible.
>
> I'm rambling on, but it's so great to know that my experience has been "experienced" by another human being, and all too exact.
>
> Right now I'm researching magnesium and antidepressants and have become super interested in the need our bodies have for the magnesium, and how little we tend to "fix" our mental mis-haps with obvious lacking nutrients. Who would have thunk that???....;)
>
> Take care..
>
> Cheers >clank<
> and yes, I will have another.
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 8:27:53
In reply to Surreal, that/Magnesium? » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 8:12:55
Dog,
It truly put a smile on my face that I have somewhat helped you in some way...however that may be. I had a horrible night last night. I felt like I was stuck in the mud, like my back tires wouldn't budge...I cried for like 2 hours....(it didn't help that I had a few beers at dinner, which I don't drink beer that much...just wine) and it sucked! I didn't want anyone to be around me, not even my dog. I went to sleep on the couch and my insides felt like they were bleeding I hurt so bad. And honestly, I can't tell you why. I think it might be the switch from the Paxil to the Wellby...I truly do. They do different things and I'm trying to see if the Wellby is going to work, but I have such little patience. Have always, with everything. Which is funny, because how did I ever think that I could be a psych? Help other people when I have these temporary moments of feeling like someone tied up my brain and I can't get it untied?....Ugh...I feel extra tired today....but I'm glad I have done something good, at least.
As for my dad, he had told me that my mom asked him to never marry again a few weeks before she died, and he's had the hardest time with that because he loves his present girlfriend...(who, by the way, was our costume mom of one of my friends in high school theater who we decided needed to "meet a nice man")...enter, Dad. They talked for a bit, my dad hadn't dated since he was 19,...then loses the love of his life and has no idea how to begin again. His girlfriend is 10 years younger than he is....(he's 59, looks 42) and can't seem to take the next step into marriage again. I truly think he's scared of losing another wife before him.
I know alot of my crying is missing my mom. She was sick most of my life. I'm not even 25 yet and all I remember is her in and out of the hospital, migraines, cancer, depression, you name it. And I hid from it by living at school, doing plays, going out,...(doing drugs..;p) and here I am, knowing that I'm emotionally paying for it.
I have some work to do, but I shall return.
Have a great day, and no. I WON'T have another,... not yet.Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 8:39:54
In reply to Surreal, that/Magnesium? » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 8:12:55
Oh, I almost forgot...the magnesium stuff?....I simply asked my boss about it, and she decided that her and I might do a retrospective study on the link between physiology and low magnesium level depression in cancer patients....I'll let you know what I find out.
One day, I will know everything...;)
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 10:48:56
In reply to Re: Surreal, that/Magnesium?, posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 8:39:54
Deej,
remember that alcohol is a depressant, not an anti-depressant... combining the two is like "pissing into the wind"...no matter how, at times, a few drinks might make you feel better for a little while, just remember you don't have to drink to relax and/or have a good time... please talk to your Dr. about drinking w/ the Wellbutrin: i don't think you're supposed to... that pain in your insides last night could well have been a physiological rxn to the mixing of the two and not just psychological...plus, the way you feel today might be a result of the mixing.... the next time you do it could be disastrous...
your Dad at 59: though he looks 42, i don't think w/ a 10 yr. younger wife, he has much to worry about losing her before he himself goes...unless she has some sort of chronic fatal disease...tell him i think he better grab onto her and make it legal before some other younger "studmeister" comes along... it can happen to the best of us...i have been a pastor and i've officiated at a lot of weddings and i know the vows say: "as long as we both shall live" or "till death do we part"... his right to re-marriage is Biblical...his "promise" to your dying mom was not, and was probably made not with a lot of thought but was made to comfort his dying loved one and doesn't hold water...your late Mom and your Dad are now no longer legally tied Biblically or otherwise..if you want tell him about me, your minister-friend, who has studied the Bible in its original languages and knows pretty well what it says about a lot of things, whatever he says he thinks of the Bible...if he loves her, desires her, wants to share his life with her, etc. , the real crime against your Mom's memory, and even God would be that he doesn't marry her...
your dying mom: must have went on for awhile, huh? Re dealing with it and escapism thru school: give yourself a break, no one deals with death in a "correct" way... that is we all deal with it differently and there is no "correct" way...i can think of far worse ways to deal with it than school plays... i bet your Mom was very proud of you being in drama, i know i would be...
you're 24? i can't believe the maturity i sense in you... are all 24 yr. olds nowadays as mature and sophisticated as you are? i don't think so...
i don't want to be your conscience... like "jiminy cricket", but... this drinking stuff: i don't know. the way i was, i used to get silly, slapping, laughing drunk, porcelain (sp?) throne-hugging drunk, do foolish, even destructive things, spend all my money, wreck my car, say stupid things that i'd regret, get beat-up (Ouch!, but usually it took more than one guy), have sex with some nasty bar slut(s), pass out, then in the morning-afters I'd swear off drinking "forever", then a few nights later, i'd be right back at it...sound like a bad country-western song? whatever it was i was living it, except it wasn't pretty, it was ugly, sickening, and disgusting... it was a seemingly endless cycle...that is not you! not that you're anywhere near what i was or ever will be, but its just i want you to know my story...you're a person that can and will do better than i did and will go farther faster than i ever did or ever will ...i just want to warn you that drinking won't get you anywhere...that whole bar scene is a sham... i loved to drink... thats why i don't do it now: i'd like it too much and couldn't stop...i don't want to go back there...
yours, Dog (and please don't call me "Jiminy")ps: the magnesium thing sounds interesting...maybe i'll even read your work on it in a good journal someday... you're a good writer, maybe its time the world knew...
> Oh, I almost forgot...the magnesium stuff?....I simply asked my boss about it, and she decided that her and I might do a retrospective study on the link between physiology and low magnesium level depression in cancer patients....I'll let you know what I find out.
>
> One day, I will know everything...;)
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 11:23:33
In reply to Surreal » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 10:48:56
Okay Dog, no Jiminy jokes..promise. And I'm not really sure about the rash of intelligent 24 year olds either. I think I just played with a deck of rough cards while others were playing Hungry Hungry Hippo. And it's interesting to know that you were a Pastor. Perhaps I should go to church more...( I don't ever) which is probably some of my problem. I believe in God, heaven and hell, and all I remember from when I was young was Sunday school and bad lemon cookies with Hi-C fruit punch. Shame.
I have told my dad the exact thing you said about "til death do us part" and he knows that. I sort of have a fear (that came out to my psyc) that he will die soon...and for no reason. But that's a fleeting thought...comes and goes....horrible way to think. I can truly say that despite all my, what I call irresponsible times, I have emerged unscathed. Except for loving wine a little too much. And it's a catch 22 for me, because I know what I'm doing, know that I shouldn't, yet it doesn't interfere with the important stuff....but confuses the crap out of my boyfriend. He didn't drink until he was 26, never touched a drug...and never could even empathize with what I go through in my head. I am the female version of my dad, cynical and waiting for "something" to change, or happen or whatever...and it's driving me nuts. That's when I drink. But I am a concious drinker. Never black out, never hug the toilet, never make retarded decisions...but I kill myself emotionally. The worst thing.
Thanks for the input...and the writing comment. I was going to write a series of little books when I was in high school....but no one wants to hear the same crap over and over.
I just haven't found my edge yet..;)
I have learned to love this psycho-babble and it truly is a huge part of my day.
Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 11:42:40
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 11:23:33
I always think of stuff later....bluh!
Maybe you can help me with some stuff. Reading about your past times makes me think of mine, and they are relationship related....I have a fear of marriage...and I like to keep people at arms length. I finally found someone normal for me (who isn't in prison, which is a loooong story) and who brings all the normalcy I have (thought) I've always wanted to the table. But sometimes, I just don't know. I know I want him there, but it's the neutral thing again. He's super patient, I'm not. And I don't know what about. We are both stubborn and agree to disagree alot, which is good. I have to run, but I'll be back when I remember stuff.
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 14:24:09
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 11:42:40
this guy in prison... sounds like you cared for him...maybe you ought to explore why, but maybe not...maybe the past is not useful at least in this case...
i think that the guy you have now, you might feel he is too boring? i don't know w/out meeting you, but i think you crave excitement... i definitely
believe you both should explore your own and each other's personalities...there's this book i highly recommend.. Personality Self Portrait or something like that... written by one of the guys that edited the DSM III-R...in it is a questionaire that you and you boyfriend can take...talk to your Psych. Dr. about it and i'll see if i can find the name of it... it is excellent for pre-marital stuff...also, what birth-orders are you and your boyfriend?
> I always think of stuff later....bluh!
>
> Maybe you can help me with some stuff. Reading about your past times makes me think of mine, and they are relationship related....I have a fear of marriage...and I like to keep people at arms length. I finally found someone normal for me (who isn't in prison, which is a loooong story) and who brings all the normalcy I have (thought) I've always wanted to the table. But sometimes, I just don't know. I know I want him there, but it's the neutral thing again. He's super patient, I'm not. And I don't know what about. We are both stubborn and agree to disagree alot, which is good. I have to run, but I'll be back when I remember stuff.
>
> Deej
Posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 14:45:57
In reply to Re: Surreal » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 14:24:09
By birth order, do you mean who is older, born first...blah blah?...I was born late April of '79 and he was born early May of '76..both Taureans. It is true, I do crave uncertainty, excitement and so on, which also may lead to my anxiety...hmmm. I have talked to my doc about it a bit, but when I see her, he's not fresh on my mind.
The prison one was someone I had met 2 weeks before my mom died. I leaned on him emotionally when my dad was a zombie....he did some horrible
mind control junk to me that, in retrospect, I can see now. When I wouldn't talk to him anymore for my own good, he thought the only way to get my attention was to tell me he had cancer. CANCER....why?? I've read about people like him in the book called PsychoOncology and they truly believe themselves....ugh.I know I'm extremely independent, which may cause my relationship anxiety, but I'm just not sure. I'll look up the book...thanks..;)
May I suggest for humor, "Naked" by David Sedaris....he's a hoot.
Cheers,
Deej
Posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 14:48:46
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 11:42:40
Deej,
your correspondence has been a huge part of my day also, but i am not going to be near my computer until monday... so until then i wish you best of the best ...
Dog> I always think of stuff later....bluh!
>
> Maybe you can help me with some stuff. Reading about your past times makes me think of mine, and they are relationship related....I have a fear of marriage...and I like to keep people at arms length. I finally found someone normal for me (who isn't in prison, which is a loooong story) and who brings all the normalcy I have (thought) I've always wanted to the table. But sometimes, I just don't know. I know I want him there, but it's the neutral thing again. He's super patient, I'm not. And I don't know what about. We are both stubborn and agree to disagree alot, which is good. I have to run, but I'll be back when I remember stuff.
>
> Deej
Posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 15:00:56
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 14:45:57
what i mean is this: in your nuclear family sibling order... your brothers and sisters: are you older or younger than them or somewhere in the middle...also your beau, where is he in the order of his family...
gotta go.. will be on-line monday...
Dog> By birth order, do you mean who is older, born first...blah blah?...I was born late April of '79 and he was born early May of '76..both Taureans. It is true, I do crave uncertainty, excitement and so on, which also may lead to my anxiety...hmmm. I have talked to my doc about it a bit, but when I see her, he's not fresh on my mind.
>
> The prison one was someone I had met 2 weeks before my mom died. I leaned on him emotionally when my dad was a zombie....he did some horrible
> mind control junk to me that, in retrospect, I can see now. When I wouldn't talk to him anymore for my own good, he thought the only way to get my attention was to tell me he had cancer. CANCER....why?? I've read about people like him in the book called PsychoOncology and they truly believe themselves....ugh.
>
> I know I'm extremely independent, which may cause my relationship anxiety, but I'm just not sure. I'll look up the book...thanks..;)
>
> May I suggest for humor, "Naked" by David Sedaris....he's a hoot.
>
> Cheers,
>
> Deej
>
>
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 11, 2003, at 18:46:00
In reply to Re: Surreal » DeeJay, posted by Dog on December 11, 2003, at 15:00:56
> what i mean is this: in your nuclear family sibling order... your brothers and sisters: are you older or younger than them or somewhere in the middle...
I'd like to redirect follow-ups that aren't about medication to Psycho-Social-Babble. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/288897.html
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 8:18:51
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by DeeJay on December 11, 2003, at 11:42:40
Deej,
how was your weekend?
am back on-line now...
dog
Posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 13:39:06
In reply to Re: Surreal, posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 8:18:51
Um, excuse me Deej, but i think you owe me a post/reply...
Dawg
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