![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by starrc68 on March 4, 2005, at 12:19:11
oh were to begin, well i guess it started when he started smoking, just cigs at first now i know he is smokin pot all his friends do, we are really lose with him as long as i know where he is and he calls he can do pretty much what he wants and its been that way for a few years now so how do we pull the strings back and say ok u have to start doing this this and this? today i got a phone call about his best friend ranaway now iam worried whats he going to do? i know we dont know til it happens, man life has just been so rough here, i am battling cancer for the second time and my best friend just tryed to kill herself and i am worried about the boy and i have 2 girls 15 and 13. please help!!!!!!!!!
candy
Posted by calamityjane on March 4, 2005, at 12:52:27
In reply to please help with 16 son, posted by starrc68 on March 4, 2005, at 12:19:11
I do not have personal parental experience with dealing with this issue (b/c my daughter is only 3)...however, my brother is 6 years older than me and for as long as I can remember he has been an addict. Weed IS (as we all know) the gateway drug, and that is how my brother started. Today he is the type of person you see in movies...strung out druggie...steals...cruel. All because of the drugs.
With that said, I am not trying to scare you. I just have some advice that I hope you can take to heart....
The BIGGEST mistake my mom ever made (and still makes today) is always being there for my brother. In other words, she is a codependent and every time he has ever gotten into trouble she has always been right there to save the day. He has never had to learn from his own mistakes. He knows that if he steals from her its okay because she "will always love him".
You HAVE to nip this in the bud now. Become strict, make rules....if he doesnt follow them and chooses to run away LET HIM. It will be the hardest thing you could ever do, but I truly believe that is the only way to change a childs behavior.
Again, I don't pretend to know how hard it is to deal with this as a mother, but I do know how badly I was hurt as a child by my brother and his behavior....and I watched and learned from my mothers mistakes.
I have practically nothing to do with him to this day....not until he is changed..
Anyway, I know that was long-winded but I hope it helps. It will get better. Don't give in.
Posted by stresser on March 4, 2005, at 15:23:53
In reply to please help with 16 son, posted by starrc68 on March 4, 2005, at 12:19:11
I agree with C Jane, and I do know it's very difficult to stand back and watch your self-destruct. Some of the time it takes hitting rock bottom for most people before they learn what it takes to make their life better. You need to worry about yourself, and your other children also. I have seen it with one of my friends children, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, maybe you could get some professional help? Are you seeking counceling? I really suggest seeing a psychologist, for you and your son. He may not be crazy about it, but it would help you in handling him and dealing with your feelings. Some medications out there will take away the desire to drink, smoke, etc. (anti-depressants, topamax takes away the urge to drink) I really feel for you, I know it's hard dealing with teenagers that are strong willed. My daughter sees a psychologist and it has helped her quite a bit, at first she didn't like going and argued about it....but now she goes and I can see a difference in attitude. Her dad and I go every now and then to get an update. Let me know how things are going for you. -L
Posted by starrc68 on March 5, 2005, at 18:34:23
In reply to Re: please help with 16 son, posted by stresser on March 4, 2005, at 15:23:53
thank you so much he is on a path to destuction, not sure exa;;y what he has planed but we live in ohio and this eveing he got a strange call from someone in colorado wanting to know when he was last home. so i think the run away thing is already in his head and theres no talking to him he denies everything you can catch red handed and he will lie straight to your face, this hurts so much i have way to may medical issues to deal with this ya know with cancer i dont know how much longer i am going to even be here so this is just making it so much worse, he runsaway and then he can deal with the police because we will have no choice to get them involved. i really dont know what went wrong. he has a good life it might not be a rich one he has had to work for alot of the things he had!!! and now has sold off everything. i know signs of drug use!!!! he wont talk with me let alone a doc. i am just so tired and feed up, just dont know what to exspect from day to day.
sorry all just reallly needed to unload and more help would be great. tie him up and keep him in a room til hes 18 hahaha i am just jokin please dont anyone take that the wrong way.
candy
Posted by stresser on March 7, 2005, at 15:35:28
In reply to Re: please help with 16 son, posted by starrc68 on March 5, 2005, at 18:34:23
Is there anyone you can go to close by for help? Friends or family? -L
Posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2005, at 14:14:59
In reply to Re: please help with 16 son, posted by starrc68 on March 5, 2005, at 18:34:23
The phone call was probably someone wanting to know just how many kids ran away. Possibly a parent of the kid you know did take off.
If you think he's into too many drugs, you might want to check out the possibly of committing him to rehab. Adults can't be put into a facility against their will, but I don't think kids have the same right.
It is indeed difficult to yank back the ropes after he's experienced this much freedom. But it might be the best thing for him. I would recommend writing out some type of contract for behavior - and possibly associate some freedoms with school performance - and signing it with him. Start with it a little tougher than you are willing to settle for, and allow him to make reasonable changes. This way he'll feel like he has some input into the process.
And I would seriously recommend reading up for yourself on some al-anon type literature. It stresses taking responsibility for youself and taking care of yourself. And how to break the pattern of giving in.
Anyway, besides the kid running away and him not having the best taste in friends, how is he doing. Does he show up when he says he will? How are the grades?
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Parents | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.