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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 19, 2006, at 11:23:53
Why am I unable to do the things I want to do?
Every day I look at my list of projects, tasks, assignments. None of which have been put on the list without my wanting to do them... and there they sit.
I have been talking about getting back to dancing (belly) for over a year, yet I can't being myself to practice. My husband comes in the room where I am warming up and I startle as if my hand was inside the cookie jar. Yet this is something that he supports me in, he wants me to be happy.My yoga teacher tells me to take just one step, no more, just one. And even that makes me feel inadequate and like a coward.
What do you when you keep yourself from accomplishing things, even the smallest of things?
ClearSkies
Posted by Declan on October 19, 2006, at 14:07:28
In reply to Procrastination and self esteem, posted by ClearSkies on October 19, 2006, at 11:23:53
Good question. I think there was a period somewhere sometime that I spent 10 years on a couch. Now I have the house to paint, my finances to organise. Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I'm cognitavely impaired, like with executive dysfunction or something. Or just uninterested. But there are some things you have to deal with.
When you do the washing up, do you ever finish it off properly? I think I flee the world with my body. I'm happy enough staring at the sky and trees and stuff. I can listen to things. Pathetic really.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 19, 2006, at 14:27:47
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » ClearSkies, posted by Declan on October 19, 2006, at 14:07:28
> I'm happy enough staring at the sky and trees and stuff.
I love to stare at the sky and look at the clouds.
Posted by Declan on October 19, 2006, at 16:15:51
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem, posted by ClearSkies on October 19, 2006, at 14:27:47
Colours, just the sensation of colour, the blue of the sky (and of course clouds) are just so pleasureable. All the more so when you think that these colours are just the mindpaint we produce in response to the varying wavelengths of light.
Posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2006, at 18:38:46
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem, posted by Declan on October 19, 2006, at 16:15:51
Declan I think you're very lucky that you are content to do simple nature things. I consider myself high maintenance with no money. Love Phillipa And Clear Skies maybe you are really not ready yet to belly dance.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 19, 2006, at 19:19:06
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » Declan, posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2006, at 18:38:46
> And Clear Skies maybe you are really not ready yet to belly dance.
So should I talk about it for another year or two?
lol
I am going to approach this one with the same way I did sobriety; a day at a time. Today I did practice hip circles and figure 8's. That's dancing, not figure skating.
CS
Posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2006, at 21:28:04
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » Phillipa, posted by ClearSkies on October 19, 2006, at 19:19:06
Clear Skies you made me laugh. Got any videos of the belly dancing? Love Phillipa ps this is not an insult just picturing someone bellydancing on the beach.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 19, 2006, at 21:34:48
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2006, at 21:28:04
I was on the five o'clock news once, belly dancing. 2000, new exercise for the millenium or some such rubblish. My 90 seconds of fame.
Posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2006, at 21:46:28
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2006, at 21:28:04
Well I'm impressed. I guess you better get back to the dancing like now!!!!!Love Phillipa
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 22, 2006, at 10:02:38
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » Phillipa, posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2006, at 21:46:28
Clearskies,
Forget about what you *used* to do. Think about yourself as a NEW person, having been given a second (or 4th?) chance at life, you feel like... bellydancing!...
Sometimes the hardest thing about starting over is that we will always FAIL compared to someone else. When that someone else is OUR(former)SELVES, it's agonizing and frustrating.
I played the violin since I was a wee one, but stopped when I started graduate school. I didn't pick it up but perhaps a dozen times in two years (this is from someone who was a concertmaster, took lessons from a master teacher, and won scholarships to do summer orchestra festivals- not just a casual player!)
The hardest thing when I started again was that my two hands were not exactly coordinated doing the fast notes. Imagine my frustration/fury/embarrassment when a college FRESHMAN was giving me "tips" during my first semester of university orchestra after that 2 year hiatus. In my mind I just told her to eff-off. By the end of the first semester, I was back in shape and got promoted, while she's still in the back of the section. grrr!
At this point, I'm not in the uni orchestra, and once again, my violin is lying fallow...
The only thing that will make me play it again is when I can have FUN to make it something relaxing, or entertaining. That will never happen if I'm constantly comparing my playing to what I used to do. I think I will pick up a new set of tunes, and get back to doing some fiddling. Bluegrass, Irish, Scottish stuff. Nice tunes for dancing. Very forgiving, in terms of technical prowess.
The other thing I'm thinking about doing is to start using my violin as an expressive device. I have a hard time expressing my "feelings" but once, a few weeks ago, I picked up the violin and played Meditation, from the opera Thais (Massenet). It's a very lush, gorgeous part. Very emotional. After I convinced myself that I still knew the notes, I allowed myself to "feel" the music. Oh BOY... I actually started weeping. WTF is up with that?!? I felt like a freak, but I kept playing. That's what this music is about- agony, difficult choices, sorrow...
At times like this, I'm glad my husband wasn't around to interrupt me during my bout of emotional diarrhea.
Your post has inspired me to try to make vln a more central part of my everyday experience. Just writing about this stuff has helped me sort out the conflict between playing/not playing. I think I can do it. I hope you can too.
-Li
p.s. If you ever need to borrow some "belly" for your dancing, I've got a bit I can spare you? It jiggles "JuSt RiGhT!" bellylicious!
Posted by Declan on October 22, 2006, at 18:54:57
In reply to Procrastination and self esteem, posted by ClearSkies on October 19, 2006, at 11:23:53
Do you just feel so very very tired, that you really almost could not be bothered to do it, and that really you are just waiting for time to pass and a little piece of peace to appear?
I know I do. (Interesting to put it into words.)
Posted by ClearSkies on October 22, 2006, at 19:16:03
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » ClearSkies, posted by Declan on October 22, 2006, at 18:54:57
> Do you just feel so very very tired, that you really almost could not be bothered to do it, and that really you are just waiting for time to pass and a little piece of peace to appear?
>
> I know I do. (Interesting to put it into words.)Yes, though sometimes it's more like I'm just waiting for something to happen. So it's not peace I wait for, but some external force to propell me to do anything.
I don't often have any get-up-and-go, except for morning after I get up, and about an hour before bed, when I realize that I haven't actually done anything. That's when I start making my lists of all the things I haven't done, or I'll tear apart the closets and pick out the clothes I've outgrown - again. Then I try like heck to calm my crazy monkey brain and get some sleep. Yoga helps, but it's not something I can sustain. I find meditation really challenging when I'm lying in bed, and feeling anxious about not being able to get to sleep. I find that babble cranks me up. I get overstimulated reading all the discussions, no matter the board (!!).
Also I have noticed that I am really intolerant of excess noise, having too many things going on at once. My concentration is pretty much shot now.
CS
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 23, 2006, at 8:05:47
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » Declan, posted by ClearSkies on October 22, 2006, at 19:16:03
My monkey brain also cherishes peace and quiet.
Noise cancelling headphones have saved me from [making] many intolerant outbursts in airports and planes.foam earplugs are also nice...
my monkey brain says it's time for the work to begin this am.
monday...
ugh-Li
> Also I have noticed that I am really intolerant of excess noise, having too many things going on at once. My concentration is pretty much shot now.
>
> CS
>
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 26, 2006, at 12:03:04
In reply to Re: Procrastination and self esteem » ClearSkies, posted by Lindenblüte on October 23, 2006, at 8:05:47
Hey!
Interesting discussion. I've been pondering these things (ie procastination and self esteem) lately too. I never used to have any motivation, and this aspect isn't helped by SSRIs etc.
Like some of my friends are just so totally motivated - for instance one of my friends idea of a holiday was to go to Spain for three weeks to do an intensive lanuage course! Crikes! And she's in grad law school, so not exactly easy either!
Anyway not only am I motivationally impaired, but I give up way too easily. Its like you don't feel you're capable of even trying to do something that might stretch you alittle bit.
For instance, I tried to jog. I gave up as soon as I was out of breath abit and it was 'unconfortable'. But then I went with some work collegues - and they forced me to keep going. They suffered too, its just that they were able to suffer through it and not give up somehow. Anyway they even suffered more than me - I was always quicker and fitter than them. So it made me realise just how easily I give up! Its like I can't even be bothered to try.
Well. Cures? One thing I have found is amazing. Rather than getting totally stressed out about all the things you have to do, just concentrate on a tiny bit. Say to yourself 'oo, I'll just start reading this paper' or 'I'll have a flick through this textbook whilst eating dinner' or 'I'll just tidy up a little bit' and soon enough you'll find you've done more than you expected. Then you feel pleased with yourself and do something more, and quickly you've accompished alot! Procastination is just you trying to help yourself, so don't feel bad about procastination. Often the thing you're avoiding is somehow unpleasant or stressing or something like that. But just like, 'I'll do a tiny bit...'....
Also try not to put things off, if at all possible. Do them as they come into your head - don't think too much about actually doing it, just do it! This saves so much mental energy its unbelieveable.
Just some ideas of mine.
Kind regards
Meri
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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