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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cerodwen on July 5, 2003, at 16:37:17
I was diagnosed Bipolar when I was 18, New Years 2000. Before then everything was going so great, I was doing well in school, getting good grades, I'd been accepted to a good school, I had great friends, we would party a lot, and have good talks, just a lot of fun all the time. I had a nice boyfriend. (I'm leaving some things out, the april before my stepdad had committed suicide so my mom was in a terrible mood all the time, crying jags constantly) but for me I was "happy" and then I went off to college and got depressed, so depressed I had to come home, and then I came back and got manic, so manic I was psychotic and had to be hospitalized, but before that I was lucky enough to alienate all of my friends except for one.
Well, now it's been a long time since then. It hasn't been easy in the between times, like gaining over a hundred pounds from lithium, I look like an old lady with all the wrinkles and stretch marks. (I lost the weight with Topamax) But NOW. I don't have any friends. And I don't know why. Well, I know I am really shy and sometimes I just can't talk and I get really depressed but... I feel like maybe I'm so damn scarred I just can't relate to normal folks and look them in the eye.
Did this happen to any of you after you got diagnosed? did you lose your friends? spend time without friends? how did you make friends again? how open are you with your friends about these issues?
-Deirdre
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 5, 2003, at 16:44:28
In reply to Friends, posted by cerodwen on July 5, 2003, at 16:37:17
deir,,
i lost all of my friends in high school ...
i still have not any..but i realize now its my fault..i cant wait for the day for a true friend to knock at my door...
?
sorry not so helpful...
i feel your isolation
j
Posted by deirdrehbrt on July 5, 2003, at 23:36:11
In reply to Friends, posted by cerodwen on July 5, 2003, at 16:37:17
Deirdre,
I don't know that I lost friends after being diagnosed, (I'm diagnosed with Bipolar, DID/MPD, and some psychotic symptoms. I was also diagnosed BPD, but I think the majority of this is the DID).
The largest problem I had was with people telling me I needed church more, that they are praying for me, and a general feeling sorry. On the other hand, I have made some wonderful new friends through support groups, and some in the hospital. These people understand me, and some have quickly become very fast friends.
As far as loss, that has occurred mostly in my family. Most of them think that I am either taking advantage of the SSDI and Medicaid system. I don't dare bring up the subject of abuse, so I've decided that I need to avoid my family as much as possible.
I guess that I don't have any real advice for you, but I can lend a sympathetic ear.
It's also nice to meet another Deirdre.
Warm wishes,Deirdre.
Posted by stjames on July 9, 2003, at 14:54:02
In reply to Re: Friends » cerodwen, posted by justyourlaugh on July 5, 2003, at 16:44:28
i cant wait for the day for a true friend to knock at my door...
I think you have to work at this, if you just wait for this to happen you will be waiting for a long time.
Posted by cerodwen on July 9, 2003, at 16:43:50
In reply to Re: Friends, posted by stjames on July 9, 2003, at 14:54:02
I guess what I'm waiting for isn't someone to knock at my door, more for someone to open my lock. if i'm not getting too entrenched in metaphors... I meet lots of people but they often seem cold or unfriendly or distant. and when I meet someone nice they already have so many friends I feel like why bother reaching out to them, I wouldn't be anything special to them.
It is really bad because isolation is one of the main determinants of my moods. If I don't have people to be with and talk to I get very depressed, and it's a vicious cycle: I'm shy and tend to isolate myself so I don't spend time with people.
I have been working on noticing what makes me feel good and what doesn't and noticing that it really helps to spend time with pleasant people was a good thing to be aware of, but how I can translate that to suddenly having a lot of loving, caring supportive friends who take lots of interest in me I have not the clue.
Mostly I am very numb and unwilling to take action, just completely sucked in by psychological pain. I hate depression. I hate genetics. I hate being bipolar and I hate not being able to talk about it.
Posted by cerodwen on July 12, 2003, at 2:42:55
In reply to Re: Friends, posted by cerodwen on July 9, 2003, at 16:43:50
well, in the last 3 days I have had a really good time. I went out for coffee with my best friend from high school, I met up with my best friend from junior college for lunch (I thought she was in san diego but it turns out she is in town), I had dinner a bunch of times with my 2 housemates, I went for a walk with my friend through Compeer (I volunteer, do any of you know this organization?) and went for a walk with another friend. I also ate a snack with a girl from my o-chem class who asked for my number and said she'd like to study together, and talked to another girl who asked me over for dinner.
even if I feel like I have no friends in the world, the last couple of days have proved that this is not true even though most of the time it feels that way. I am lucky to be where I am, and even with my illness.
Posted by fallsfall on July 12, 2003, at 6:14:58
In reply to Re: Friends! I have them!, posted by cerodwen on July 12, 2003, at 2:42:55
That is so wonderful! It is great to hear a success story.
Can you tell us how it happened? Did you track each of them down, or did some come to you? Obviously, they were happy to spend time with you. Please inspire us! Tell us how you did it.
What a joy for you! Congratulations!
Posted by Dinah on July 12, 2003, at 9:56:47
In reply to Re: Friends! I have them!, posted by cerodwen on July 12, 2003, at 2:42:55
Posted by noa on July 13, 2003, at 10:20:28
In reply to Re: Friends! I have them!, posted by cerodwen on July 12, 2003, at 2:42:55
You've had a veritable friend binge!
That is great. How about printing out your post and putting it where you can see it if you are in a mood that makes you feel pessimistic about your friendships.
Congratulations. Enjoy.
This is the end of the thread.
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