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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on March 9, 2004, at 23:43:07
KindGirl,If you don't mind sharing this with us, can you explain to me how your T goes about holding you during sessions? I mean, does she get up and walk over to you? Do you sit in her lap?
I find this remarkably fascinating and I just can't picture how it would occur.
Maybe it's too weird a question in which case you can just ignore it.
Thanks,
crushedout
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 0:16:11
In reply to Question for KindGirl, posted by crushedout on March 9, 2004, at 23:43:07
Posted by sb417 on March 10, 2004, at 0:18:02
In reply to Question for KindGirl, posted by crushedout on March 9, 2004, at 23:43:07
>> KindGirl,> If you don't mind sharing this with us, can you explain to me how your T goes about holding you during sessions? I mean, does she get up and walk over to you? Do you sit in her lap?
> > Maybe it's too weird a question in which case you can just ignore it.> Thanks,> crushedoutI have never heard of this sort of thing taking place in therapy. What sort of therapy (what school of thought) does your therapist practice?
Posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 0:21:18
In reply to Re: Question for KindGirl » crushedout, posted by sb417 on March 10, 2004, at 0:18:02
are you talking to me? my therapist doesn't do that (not yet, anyway ;) ), that's why i'm asking kindgirl about hers, because i find it so odd (in a very intriguing way).
> >> KindGirl,> If you don't mind sharing this with us, can you explain to me how your T goes about holding you during sessions? I mean, does she get up and walk over to you? Do you sit in her lap?
> > > Maybe it's too weird a question in which case you can just ignore it.> Thanks,> crushedout
>
> I have never heard of this sort of thing taking place in therapy. What sort of therapy (what school of thought) does your therapist practice?
Posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 0:22:10
In reply to {{{ crushed }}} get busy youre way behind lol (nm), posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 0:16:11
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 0:37:46
In reply to yeh i know that's why i'm looking for tips :) (nm) » Fallen4myT, posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 0:22:10
I KNEW IT crushed...I JUST KNEW IT LOL...
Kindgirl YOUR T is nice and has good boundaries because she is kind of reparenting in a way....in a way....Your lucky
hugs
Posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 0:53:49
In reply to Re: yeh i know that's why i'm looking for tips :) » crushedout, posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 0:37:46
yeah, i so much want my t to hold me you would not believe it. sometimes i cry myself to sleep wishing for it. and on the one hand, i'm thinking, why the hay can't she? on the other, i'm thinking it could be kind of confusing and painful (given the erotic feelings between us).but i'm curious how i might go about trying for it anyway. or just how it is for kindgirl. it's very interesting.
> I KNEW IT crushed...I JUST KNEW IT LOL...
>
> Kindgirl YOUR T is nice and has good boundaries because she is kind of reparenting in a way....in a way....Your lucky
>
> hugs
Posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:13:45
In reply to Question for KindGirl, posted by crushedout on March 9, 2004, at 23:43:07
Sorry, Crushed, I didn't get on the computer till this morning. Sure, not a problem, I will share.
The first time was so awkward. I don't know if you know this is how it started. I left her a message on her machine the day before my appt and said, "I am not feeling like talking tomorrow...do you think we could just listen to some music and you hold me?".....and hung up...terrified!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She called and left me a message..."Yes, I would love to hold you. You did a very brave and courageous and wonderful thing in calling me and asking....looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!"....UGH. I was so nervous.
So I go to the appt and hem and haw around stuff for about 20 minutes and she waits for me to take a break in my blabbing and says, "I think we need to do what you asked for on the message." and I kind of moaned and looked at the ground. She said, "Let's just do it, is that okay?"...and I nodded. I gave her a CD and she put it on her stereo which is right by the sofa...she grabbed a pillow to put behind her back and sat next to me with her arms open. I kind of leaned on her shoulder/chest, and she grabbed me with her arms and held them around me.
The best part was when she put her face on the top of my head and kind of kissed my head. It was so sweet. So, that is how it started....
Now, like yesterday...we talked for a long time 40 minutes or so and she said, "Can I ask you a question?" and I said sure. "Would you like me to come over and hold you?"....and I nodded.
That is usually how it goes....I did leave her a message once telling her that I want her to hold me every single session but might not be able to ask and I need her to ask. The first few times I sobbed and sobbed on her...soaking her shirt I think...then I would use my sweater as a buffer and one day she said, "You need a blanket, don't you?"...and that was around Christmas time. A few sessions later she gave me a soft blanket and told me that I could bring it every time and sleep with it so it would be comforting to me and a connection for us.
does all of this sound weird? I am sorry if it does or makes you guys hurt or feel weird about me in any way. Just sharing what you asked. And I love it that she holds me. I was left alone in my crib all the time as an infant and was never held and I feel I really need it.
Posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:16:57
In reply to Re: Question for KindGirl, posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:13:45
I just realized I didn't really answer your question!!! I usually bury my head on her chest or lay with my cheek on her chest if we are talking. She always has both arms around me unless I give her my journal to read, but she always has at least one arm around me. Sometimes she will rub my head or my arm gently or grab me tighter when I am really crying. I know I am pretty lucky to have her. If you can imagine another adult sitting next to you and laying on your chest...that is how it is.
Posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:21:01
In reply to Re: Question for KindGirl » crushedout, posted by sb417 on March 10, 2004, at 0:18:02
My t. mentioned yesterday "attachment theory"....and I know this is not Freudian really....and I do know it feels right.
No, she doesn't feed me a bottle or nurse me like the one case in In Session. She always asks me if I want her to hold me and there have been a few sessions where she sat in her chair and I sat on the couch and we didn't touch because I was on another planet or something.
She also said she has very flexible boundaries and every therapist is different. I believe God really answered my prayer when he brought me to her because I need someone to hold me.
Posted by tinydancer on March 10, 2004, at 9:24:35
In reply to Re: Question for KindGirl, posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:13:45
Oh my god it sounds so wonderful! I can see how it wouldn't work for everyone but I get the sense that it works for you. I am not a believer in rules applying to everyone and I feel like she has a lot of love and kindness to give you. That's amazing. If my T said that, I would...I would.....Sorry I couldn't finish the sentence, I just melted into a puddle of water on the floor.
I would be shy too. I think what I like most is having my T very close when I'm talking. It makes me feel that he is engaged and sort of "with me". I would be even happier up in his lap with my arms wrapped around his neck. But I believe in him and his approach, which in my case involves caution with physical contact. I think he is doing that for my sake, and for my fragile soul and the hurt and misuse it has suffered. Knowing that he cares that deeply is meaningful for me. But I still want a hug someday!
It doesn't sound weird at all. It sounds like you have found a T who can help you. And that's wonderful, not weird or bad in any way.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 10:16:32
In reply to Re: Question for KindGirl, posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:13:45
No KindGirl it does not sounds weird but see if my T held me. Well....fill in the blanks...thats why its good for you and your T cause what you take from it is different than say what I and I few of my fellow posters would take away. I would be on cloud 9 ..walk on air you name it but NOT because I was nurtured ya know what I mean? It would mean a LOT to me and go a long way towards perking me up and maybe soothing and no lol I would not grope him but would want too :)
Crushed and Tiny ...I KNOW what your saying it would be so nice but way to risky for me to ask at least
Posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 10:34:29
In reply to Re: Question for KindGirl, posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:13:45
KindGirl,Thank you so much for sharing this. It was exactly what I wanted to know.
To be perfectly honest with you, the whole sounds *extremely* weird to me, and I really don't mean this in a judgmental way. I'm keeping an open mind about whether it's good or not at this point. I take it you don't have *erotic* tranference issues with your T? I can't remember. I think that changes the context a lot.
At the same time that I find it weird, I'm *extremely* envious and upset that I can't have this with my T. I want it more than anything (even more than having sex with her, which I want pretty badly). But I'm 99.99% sure she would never do this with me. And part of me thinks that's wise but another part of me thinks it's just really tragic.
*Please* don't be sorry for any of what you wrote, or for any of the feelings you evoked in me. I asked for it, and I'm glad you shared. So, thank you so much.
> Sorry, Crushed, I didn't get on the computer till this morning. Sure, not a problem, I will share.
>
> The first time was so awkward. I don't know if you know this is how it started. I left her a message on her machine the day before my appt and said, "I am not feeling like talking tomorrow...do you think we could just listen to some music and you hold me?".....and hung up...terrified!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> She called and left me a message..."Yes, I would love to hold you. You did a very brave and courageous and wonderful thing in calling me and asking....looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!"....UGH. I was so nervous.
>
> So I go to the appt and hem and haw around stuff for about 20 minutes and she waits for me to take a break in my blabbing and says, "I think we need to do what you asked for on the message." and I kind of moaned and looked at the ground. She said, "Let's just do it, is that okay?"...and I nodded. I gave her a CD and she put it on her stereo which is right by the sofa...she grabbed a pillow to put behind her back and sat next to me with her arms open. I kind of leaned on her shoulder/chest, and she grabbed me with her arms and held them around me.
>
> The best part was when she put her face on the top of my head and kind of kissed my head. It was so sweet. So, that is how it started....
>
> Now, like yesterday...we talked for a long time 40 minutes or so and she said, "Can I ask you a question?" and I said sure. "Would you like me to come over and hold you?"....and I nodded.
>
> That is usually how it goes....I did leave her a message once telling her that I want her to hold me every single session but might not be able to ask and I need her to ask. The first few times I sobbed and sobbed on her...soaking her shirt I think...then I would use my sweater as a buffer and one day she said, "You need a blanket, don't you?"...and that was around Christmas time. A few sessions later she gave me a soft blanket and told me that I could bring it every time and sleep with it so it would be comforting to me and a connection for us.
>
> does all of this sound weird? I am sorry if it does or makes you guys hurt or feel weird about me in any way. Just sharing what you asked. And I love it that she holds me. I was left alone in my crib all the time as an infant and was never held and I feel I really need it.
Posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 10:42:58
In reply to PS, posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:16:57
KindGirl,Can I ask you age? And the age of your T? I'm just curious. I hope I'm not being too nosey.
Posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 12:34:27
In reply to Another question » KindGirl, posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 10:42:58
I am 39 and my t is mid 50's. have struggled with erotic dreams from time to time but those have faded since she has held me. I think of her more like a mom than anything else. Will write more later...heading out to p doc
Posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 12:41:45
In reply to Re: Another question, posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 12:34:27
Did you tell her about the dreams? looking forward to hearing more when you get back/have time....
Posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 16:50:25
In reply to Re: Another question » KindGirl, posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 12:41:45
Hi I am back now.
You asked about the dreams....geez that is scary. I have never told her the few fantasies I had about her...way too embarassing....but when she held me the first few times, while I was crying on her chest I told her "this feels wrong...I feel like my mom was right and I am gay...." and she said..."No...this is natural and what was supposed to happen. You are not doing anything wrong. This is what you always needed..what every child needs..."Since the dream/fantasy left I didn't think to bring it up. I had heard her talk (or read an article by her) about a client who told her of a dream (woman) who saw herself kissing T. on the lips and how in the dream it started out innocent but went on to further things and in the dream the T yells at the woman for the inappropriate action....T says in the article that she told the client she did nothing wrong and there would never be anything that would cause T to push her away or yell at her...that this is not what T would do in that case...that those longings are from the little kid parts of us that never got the love we needed.
Now...if I were to kiss my T on the mouth I would have a great story to tell! Lobster dinner, kissing on the mouth....phew!...Don't think I will go there...esp since I think of her as a mom now.
Someone asked if she *my T* has kids...yes and they are grown up. She frequently uses our kids as analogies and tells me that I don't think it is weird or odd or gay to hold my little girl and there is absolutely no shame in love like this. Also what I love about her is how non-ruffled she gets when I say off the wall stuff....like "what if I AM gay?"...she said, "So? Do you think that changes anything? Do you think God won't love you? No no no. Nothing will keep the love of God from you." I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!! BTW, I am hetero, married, kids...love my hubby...but I do enjoy a good fantasy now and then!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 10, 2004, at 20:57:41
In reply to Re: Question for KindGirl, posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:13:45
I always thought that if I ever became a therapist I would have a huge rocking chair and just hold my clients and rock them.....murmuring sweet loving things softly till all the boundaries would melt away and we would be in total trust.... completely safe and secure. Wow, it sounds like you may have had that with your therapist....so sweet. I am happy for you. I know I still need it myself sometimes. Thanks for sharing.
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