![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Froso on October 27, 2004, at 7:53:31
I'm new in this site, I wrote something in the newbies but I 've got no reply yet unfortunately regarding some other matters.
The last few months I found a way to communicate with my therapist, to overcome my embarrassment. I write to her, pages of thoughts and feelings and memories, or film scripts which narrate my life, childhood etc. In the beginning I thought she would never accept it as it is an unorthodox method but she did and that made me very happy. We don't discuss much about them as she understands that they are things I find hard to talk about, my taboo topics. And suddenly I felt close to her although she looks cold and detached (I don't know what kind of therapy it is. we meet twice a week and sit on opposite chairs)because she finally saw after three years of therapy my inner thoughts and feelings but as she said herself :"this isn't therapy." Lately I'm not writing as I've been feeling suicidal and I haven't even told her about that as I don't want her to see I need her so much or that I long for her full attention. (I had a psychotic episode 3 years ago and I'm on medication too).
I hope someone answers to this. Nice to meet you all.
Froso
Posted by Joslynn on October 27, 2004, at 8:48:08
In reply to do you ever write to your therapist?, posted by Froso on October 27, 2004, at 7:53:31
Welcome! I'm a writer, so I sometimes feel more comfortable writing than talking, if the subject is very emotional or something that could be perceived as a criticism of the therapy itself. Occasionally I have brought in a copy of an email I wrote to a friend or a poem. Then I read it out loud to the T. Usually I do try to say it in unscripted words, to get out of my comfort zone, but sometimes I have to write it out first.
One thing you could do someday, when you're ready, is to go from handing your T your writing to actually reading it out loud. That way, you may begin to find your "voice" in your words. Does that makes sense? Of course, it does take longer to read something out loud than to have someone read it...
The bigger concern though is...if you are feeling suicidal, please do tell your T! For one thing, your T should know to help you, and also, I find that talking about suicidal thoughts tends to make them seem smaller and is actually sort of a relief.
Good luck.
Posted by Dinah on October 27, 2004, at 9:04:33
In reply to do you ever write to your therapist?, posted by Froso on October 27, 2004, at 7:53:31
I am in complete agreement with Joslynn.
I recently went through a suicidal period, and when my therapist wasn't around to speak frankly with the thoughts gained immense proportions. Talking about them deflated them quite a bit.
I also have written my more intimate thoughts rather than speaking them, more often in the earlier days of therapy. My therapist always made me read them aloud, rather than reading them himself. And eventually that made it easier to talk.
Do you know what your therapist meant by that remark? It doesn't seem all that helpful, but perhaps I'm not understanding it in context. Tone of voice can mean so much in therapy.
Welcome!
Posted by Froso on October 27, 2004, at 10:02:52
In reply to Re: do you ever write to your therapist?, posted by Joslynn on October 27, 2004, at 8:48:08
Thank you Joslynn and Dinah. It's nice to feel you're welcome somewhere. My T has told me that reading my thoughts out loud in our sessions would be more therapeutic but I still don't feel confident enough.
Posted by Dinah on October 27, 2004, at 10:59:32
In reply to Re: do you ever write to your therapist?, posted by Froso on October 27, 2004, at 10:02:52
I won't say it's easy. It's not. But it gets easier over time. It's funny, I used to be able to write things so cooly and rationally, then cry as I read what I wrote. It's a much different experience.
When you feel ready, try taking the plunge. You might find it a rewarding enough experience to be worth the effort involved.
Posted by vwoolf on October 27, 2004, at 11:47:32
In reply to Re: do you ever write to your therapist? » Froso, posted by Dinah on October 27, 2004, at 10:59:32
It's true, I also often cry when I read my things to my T, even though I had been completely cool while writing them. When they feel too painful, however, I hand them to her to read, while I wander around the room. It's probably not a good way, but it's sometimes the only way I can share.
Welcome on board, Froso. I hope you find lots of support here.
Posted by Bent on October 27, 2004, at 12:22:22
In reply to Re: do you ever write to your therapist?, posted by vwoolf on October 27, 2004, at 11:47:32
Hi Froso. I hope you find lots of support here. I know I have.
Every few weeks I have something to read to my therapist. It might be just my journal, a poem, sometimes it's a letter to her. I find it one of my best ways of communicating hard stuff. It's been especially helpful when I need to talk about her/us, and transference.
To me, just talking in a session allows me to censor and sterilize what it is i am talking about. What I write is the raw, unedited me. The me that needs to come out more with her.
I also at first thought she wouldnt like the idea. I even said that it was probably a cheap cop out on talking but she said it isnt. Its just as much a way of communiucating as talking, painting, etc.I highly encourage you to try to read something to her one day. Its very hard to start but something about it is empowering. It's hard but feels great when you can get those hard things out in the open, and reading your thought makes it a little easier IMO. Best of luck.
Posted by Froso on October 27, 2004, at 15:44:05
In reply to Re: do you ever write to your therapist?, posted by Bent on October 27, 2004, at 12:22:22
Thank you all and nice to meet you.
It's good to hear that other people have find similar ways of interacting with their therapist especially when they are so far away because I'm Greek by the way and I live in Greece. I'm very glad I found this website as nothing like that exists in my country. I mostly write letters to her as well.
Posted by mandinka on October 27, 2004, at 16:20:07
In reply to do you ever write to your therapist?, posted by Froso on October 27, 2004, at 7:53:31
I used to write emails to T1 once a week. Usually about what I didn't like in therapy and some more sensitive stuff that I wouldn't dare to say to his face. He didn't make me read my own writing - thank goodness!
Definitely talk to your T about your suicidal tendencies, Froso. Try asking her in what mode she's working too. It's important to know that the type of therapy you receive is a match for your problems.
Posted by Daisym on October 29, 2004, at 18:03:53
In reply to Re: do you ever write to your therapist? » Froso, posted by mandinka on October 27, 2004, at 16:20:07
I write stuff all the time and take it to therapy. I don't write "to" him, just about things. Sometimes I give it to him but mostly these days I read it. I always bring him his own copy and we go through it together. Some of our best discussions have happened this way. I need to be organized and this helps me not let the emotions take over, or conversely, to have them come up at the right time. I agree with everyone else. Write stuff and try to read it. It will be worth the struggle and initial embarressment you might feel.
Good Luck!
Daisy
Posted by littleone on November 1, 2004, at 0:52:49
In reply to do you ever write to your therapist?, posted by Froso on October 27, 2004, at 7:53:31
>> The last few months I found a way to communicate with my therapist, to overcome my embarrassment. I write to her, pages of thoughts and feelings and memories, or film scripts which narrate my life, childhood etc.
Do I write to my T? Do I ever!!!
I went to one T for a year without even realising that writing was an option. I am a very quiet and withdrawn person. If I do talk, it is not about me, ie the internal me, just superficial stuff. Even after a year with this T, I had gotten nowhere. I still couldn't even tell him what I had done on my weekend. One day during my bad spells, I wrote him a letter and mailed it (couldn't even hand it to him). He thanked me for it and talked a bit about it, but he never specifically said that he would like me to write again. I ended up leaving him not long after that.
Then I started seeing my current T. When he realised I wasn't exactly a chatterbox (his wording :) ), he specifically asked me to write out pages and pages for him. I go twice a week, so a lot of my spare time is spent writing to him. I really believe that if he hadn't have done this, he'd still have no idea about what makes me tick.
Though he does get up my nose now and then when he tries to prove he cares about me by saying that my other T's haven't tried to get to know me as much as what he has (ie they didn't ask me to write when talking wasn't working). Geez, just because they get an F from me, doesn't mean that I'm automatically giving him a AAA+. Though I do love him tremendously, so he must be doing something right :)
It's gotten a bit easier after 6 months of this. I can now pretty much just free associate on paper (or keyboard) as long as I can keep the ideas of writing and of actually handing over the notes separate. If I thought about him reading what I was writing, there is no way I could give it to him. Mind you, I do write some really hairy stuff in code. It's a pretty simple code, but it seems to have him stumped. I keep telling him to give it to his secretary to decipher, but he can't understand why she would get it when his obviously brilliant mind can't crack it. I keep telling him it's because she's not a shrink. She wouldn't try to analyse it or interpret it. She'd just spot the code.
> And suddenly I felt close to her
Yes! Even though it sometimes feels like I'm doing correspondance therapy and I'm sure I'm missing a lot by writing instead of talking, it still feels wonderful to have someone understand me when no one else has. Can't help but feel close to him. That is, when I'm not beating him over the head for not cracking the kiddy code :)
> Lately I'm not writing as I've been feeling suicidal and I haven't even told her about that as I don't want her to see I need her so much or that I long for her full attention.
I really hope you can share this with her. Someone here (sorry, but I've forgotten who) mentioned recently how the secrecy around s can really make it much more powerful than what it really is. By talking about it, it helps a lot. I've had the exact same problems you have and I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't of written to my T about them. With my prior T, I wrote him an anomynous letter. But he still knew it was from me from the handwriting and little things that were mentioned (a hobby I do, the area I live in, a mention of the accident). Though I certainly wouldn't recommend this approach unless you really couldn't communicate any other way. Plus it would be a terrible approach if you were right on the edge. Just in case your T couldn't pick the sender!
Also, I have a real aversion to the s word (and the k word), so when I write about it, I say "offing myself" which kind of sounds jokey and minimising and I know it's not giving credit to the seriousness of the issue, but it works for me.
Posted by Froso on November 2, 2004, at 13:32:24
In reply to Re: do you ever write to your therapist? » Froso, posted by littleone on November 1, 2004, at 0:52:49
I think the first step would be to help your therapist decipher the code.
I've been seeing her for more than three years and the first two and a half years I hardly said anything. She was making a great effort and I'm grateful she stayed with me. She seems to be talking much more than I do making comments and associations from what I write to her. I write less now, only two, three short paragraphs so there's more time to discuss when I can. I feel I'm much more open to people now than before when I didn't talk at all but still not with men as I feel too horrible and fat because of the medication I've been taking (I know the problem lies elsewhere.)
It's really nice that your therapist reads your stuff but once you feel more comfortable why don't you help him a little, by making them a bit more comprehensible? I use a lot of parentheses for that to explain my points. I know that everybody's advice is to read what we write but that seems to be a long way along the line.
I did write to her about my suicidal thoughts but discussed it no further.
All the best and thanks for the reply.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.