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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 18:36:35
Saw my T today and tonite i miss that comfort and listening and sorting things out. i miss the safety of her office. As the week goes on I feel better. i have abandonment issues but this homesickness for her is so painful and she even thinks it is getting in the way of my therapy and I should get over it.I am trying, but I am sad after session.
Posted by messadivoce on February 9, 2005, at 19:30:02
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 18:36:35
Namaste, I'm sorry, I know I've felt that way before about my T. Are you sure your T just thinks you should "get over it?" Is she not using your attachment in your therapy, but just seeing it as getting in the way? I hope not, because she has a fantastic opportunity to work with you on this. All these complicated feelings we get for our T's can be useful in a way if our T knows how to use them...I hope you can talk to your T about this.
Posted by pinkeye on February 9, 2005, at 19:33:38
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 18:36:35
I don't have really too much of suggestion to offer - the only consolation that I can offer, it seems to be a very typical response to therapy for lot of us - to want to see more of the Ts, to share everything with them, to be special to them, wish they are always there with you etc.
And all of us go through it in some way or the other - if you think of it rationally, it is a very valid emotional reaction to someonw who is involved in an intensely deep and emotional relationship with you - even though it is only a pseudo relationship and only tries to mimic a real world close relationship.
You will have to accept it at some point in time or the other in life. If you can afford it, mabye you can increase the frequency of therapy so you can see her more - in the hope that you will get fed up of her or grow yourself faster and become independant - which may or may not happen for a long time. Another possibility is to try to fill that need with real people from real world - which will kind of fill the vaccum left by your therapist.
> Saw my T today and tonite i miss that comfort and listening and sorting things out. i miss the safety of her office. As the week goes on I feel better. i have abandonment issues but this homesickness for her is so painful and she even thinks it is getting in the way of my therapy and I should get over it.I am trying, but I am sad after session.
Posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 19:52:32
In reply to Re: the longing, posted by pinkeye on February 9, 2005, at 19:33:38
She says I need to indentify the longing as ancient feelings of abandonment and it not a longing for her.Yes, she wants me to move on out of the pain.I am so focused on her/us i guess that i am neglecting what I really need to talk about in therapy. Someone really caring is so new to me. I love her and a week is hard to wait when in such an intimate relationship. She has no timetable but i feel like I am not getting anywhere with this. It feels better to know these are classic feelings for our therapists. I do see girlfriends and that does help somewhat but my issues are large and I trust her.Viva Dura. thank you both. Peace
Posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 19:53:46
In reply to Re: the longing, posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 19:52:32
ps. I can't afford 2X a week.
Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 20:57:50
In reply to Re: the longing, posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 19:53:46
Just an idea I want to throw out, but I'm wondering if you yourself are so uncomfortable with wanting your therapist that you're actually making her worry about it, when perhaps otherwise she might not. I think it is perfectly natural to feel what you're feeling; I felt that way, but instead of being honest about that I tried to cut back to lessen my dependency; and I think that had the reverse effect, it made me even more dependent. So for me, that was the wrong thing to do. I should've shared my feelings of dependency instead of being so afraid of them. But I thought and I still do, that the truth would've scared him and he would've cut me loose even more harshly than he did.
I just want to send you huge hugs namaste, and advise you to not obsess or feel badly in any way at all, for needing so much of your therapist. Personally I really believe the approach of more is better but I certainly understand not being able to afford it. Therapy is unbelievably tough in times like that, and it's wonderful to have a therapist who encourages the occasional call if you're feeling like you need it. Mine does now, she's very supportive of me calling, and guess what? I haven't felt the need to ... is that reverse psychology they're using on us? Hmh.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on February 10, 2005, at 12:16:54
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 18:36:35
Namaste,
I don't post here often, but wanted you to know that I can totally, completely, 100% relate to your post. I have a hard time leaving week after week and literally feel sick; I just get so sad. I feel like I will die without her. She encourages me to call when I need to and understands that these feelings are very old. I just wish I could pinpoint their origin as it is very frustrating for me to go through.
Also, just like you, I do feel better as the week goes on (usually). Then the cycle starts all over again. Sometimes I dread going because I'm finally feeling okay, and don't want to start the cycle again.
Fortunately I've actually been pretty open about this with her, and she understands, although I probably should tell her more so that she understands the intensity. One thing I've noticed, that I haven't told her, is that sometimes when I call her in an attempt to feel better, I actually end up feeling worse again. Just like being there. So while calling helps, it also feels self-defeating at times. I'm afraid to tell her that though because maybe she'll tell me to stop calling.
Just like you, I can't afford to go twice a week either. :( Lately, this is almost all we focus on. Don't know if it's getting in the way of the "other stuff", or might this actually be related to some of the "other stuff".
I'm surprised though at your T wanting you to just get over it. I really think you/we need to work through it... somehow.
And I have therapy tonight... sometimes I don't know if that's good or bad.
LGL
> Saw my T today and tonite i miss that comfort and listening and sorting things out. i miss the safety of her office. As the week goes on I feel better. i have abandonment issues but this homesickness for her is so painful and she even thinks it is getting in the way of my therapy and I should get over it.I am trying, but I am sad after session.
Posted by Susan47 on February 10, 2005, at 12:36:17
In reply to Re: the longing » namaste, posted by LittleGirlLost on February 10, 2005, at 12:16:54
Reading your post I revisited a lot of feelings I had too. I just wanted to let you know I thank you for sharing.
Posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 13:07:59
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 18:36:35
I think the intensity of it eventually passes, just as infatuation passes into mature, dull, love.
But it'll have a much harder time passing if she fights it or discourages it. It wasn't until my therapist accepted me, and my dependence, exactly as I was at that point, that I was able to move on.
It was as if we were in a subtle tug of war. When he quit pulling from his side, and I had nothing to pull against, the tension melted quite a bit.
Posted by Shortelise on February 10, 2005, at 13:19:19
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 18:36:35
I so know what you mean.
I stayed with that feeling, felt it, mourned the losses in my life, mourned that I didn't have that comfort and care what I was small. Working through that sadness helped resolve it for me.
Hugs, namaste.
ShortE
Posted by Susan47 on February 10, 2005, at 14:57:49
In reply to Re: the longing » namaste, posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 13:07:59
Your post hit a nerve; my therapist didn't encourage it for very long, a very very brief period, maybe two visits and he became very stiff and cold. I think I went into grieving almost immediately, I hadn't had enough time to process the developing trust. Then when I did get encouragement, I got it a bit too late, it was very brief, then bang, termination. So, more grief yet.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on February 11, 2005, at 10:34:26
In reply to Re: the longing » LittleGirlLost, posted by Susan47 on February 10, 2005, at 12:36:17
Thank you for saying that Susan. I struggle with feeling unheard and invisible.
LGL
> Reading your post I revisited a lot of feelings I had too. I just wanted to let you know I thank you for sharing.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on February 11, 2005, at 13:20:48
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on February 9, 2005, at 18:36:35
and, OMG it is sooooo bad today.
Posted by Susan47 on February 11, 2005, at 15:23:03
In reply to Re: the longing, posted by LittleGirlLost on February 11, 2005, at 13:20:48
Posted by namaste on February 11, 2005, at 21:39:22
In reply to ((Littlegirllost))) Mine too. . Major hugs. (nm) » LittleGirlLost, posted by Susan47 on February 11, 2005, at 15:23:03
Wow thank you all. It really does help to know other people have these feelings. My T does encourage me to talk about these feelings with others and she says I will find that I am not as i say a "freak".We are opening ancient doors where the longing comes from.Your posts and hug were really mind opening! I think maybe my T is working through it with me and i am not seeing that. The pain is too big, the longing (like you all !!!)I just want to be done with it and am impatient with myself that i can't let it go.
Posted by Susan47 on February 11, 2005, at 22:14:55
In reply to Re: ((Littlegirllost))) Mine too. . Major hugs., posted by namaste on February 11, 2005, at 21:39:22
Don't be impatient with yourself, that would probably hinder your progress. So relax, allow yourself to feel dependent, be patient and kind with yourself, and also with your T ...
Posted by namaste on February 12, 2005, at 14:16:02
In reply to Re: the longing, posted by LittleGirlLost on February 11, 2005, at 13:20:48
Thanks susan47
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