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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by bent on January 4, 2006, at 12:43:22
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » bent, posted by daisym on January 4, 2006, at 9:05:30
Yea, sometimes I think I need a therapist to help me deal with my therapist! That's awesome that you communicate those feelings to your T. My T surely knows I feel that way because I have talked around my feelings for her a lot. I am working on a letter to her and I just might include some of those hard-to-say feelings. She wont read it on her own, she will have me read it to her, which will probably be better for me-being more direct than having her read it. Do you share what you write with your T?
Posted by Anneke on January 4, 2006, at 15:45:14
In reply to Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 4, 2006, at 2:20:46
Daisy,
I agree with you that something seems to be in the water in terms of how painful attachments seem to be right now. I feel like I'm back in the same place I was months ago and even though I know why, it still stinks. I'm glad your therapist reassures you about the relationship and your needs and wants....mine does too. And, I loved what you said about leaving soggy but better....it's a perfect description of certain sessions. Here's hoping for drier days ahead....
Posted by rs on January 4, 2006, at 15:53:25
In reply to Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 4, 2006, at 2:20:46
Hi.
Having much confusion and etc from the attachement like I mentioned in another post.
I had an old T that moved out of state. Am allowed to call him when any questions he can help me with. I phoned him yesteray and he called twice after I left for T. Left message that he would try again today. Need to talk to him about this whole attachment thing. He knows me and hopefully will bring some light on this.
Will share what he has to say.
Thanks again to all of you for talking.
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2006, at 18:05:43
In reply to Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 4, 2006, at 2:20:46
I think it's terrific that you can talk about these things so freely with your therapist.
And eventually, I think the feelings grow less intense.
But, personally, I'd rather have the feelings be strong even with the pain.
Posted by fairywings on January 4, 2006, at 19:34:08
In reply to Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 4, 2006, at 2:20:46
(((daisy)))
I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain. You have such an incredible capacity to say what's in your heart and on your mind. I really admire that. The rules do suck, they make things really painful.
Sometimes I want to brood too, but keep telling myself I can't do that with the precious little time I have. I have limited appts. this year, so I'm trying to make the most even though I have a terrible time expressing myself. I wish I could express myself as well as you do. I think sometimes the kid in us wants to be loved and nurtured, and to have someone tell us how much they care. You said you wonder if he has other clients as needy; maybe he does have others who feel that way, but I doubt he has others who are more honest and open. I don't think you are needy at all, I just think you have needs that feel overwhelming because they have never been met.
I hope you are feeling a bit better.
fw
Posted by fallsfall on January 4, 2006, at 19:34:32
In reply to Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 4, 2006, at 2:20:46
(((Daisy)))
I'm sorry it feels so awful.
He will be able to help you figure out why this is coming up just now. Let him help you.
Love,
Falls.
Posted by rs on January 4, 2006, at 20:05:08
In reply to Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 4, 2006, at 2:20:46
hi Daisy.
Just ready your post over and over.
I send you caring thoughts and hope that you will keep on trusting your T with all of this and hang onto that he cares.
Please email me if you would like.
Caring thoughts
Posted by daisym on January 5, 2006, at 20:47:33
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » daisym, posted by bent on January 4, 2006, at 12:43:22
You asked if I share what I write with my therapist. I usually do. He prefers me to read it to him but if it is too hard I don't have to. I find that it helps me get to the hard stuff faster instead of waiting until the last 10 minutes. I find I can fuss over the words and get it just the way I want it, instead of blurting. So it makes me feel in control.
Posted by daisym on January 5, 2006, at 20:49:52
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » daisym, posted by Anneke on January 4, 2006, at 15:45:14
Do you want to share why you find yourself struggling against your attachment again?
I agree that I hate these cycles. I wish I could just sink into it, accept it as OK and use it to feel better.
But I've never doubted that the caring I feel is real. It just feels like something I shouldn't be feeling, you know?
Posted by daisym on January 5, 2006, at 20:52:24
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » daisym, posted by rs on January 4, 2006, at 15:53:25
I love you for your continued support, both public and private.
I hope you connect with both therapists soon. Remember that not all parts of you (or me) hate this. My 4-year old part told him today that she wanted to sit under his chair and spend the weekend in his office. He responded that he thought she'd get cold and miss her stuffed toy. But he was glad she trusted him.
Posted by daisym on January 5, 2006, at 20:54:19
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » daisym, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2006, at 18:05:43
I don't know if I'm brave or stupid to say everything I end up saying. I have no pride left.
As usual, by the end of the week he has made it mostly OK again to need him again. And I don't have to give back the talisman yet.
Posted by daisym on January 5, 2006, at 21:00:03
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » daisym, posted by fairywings on January 4, 2006, at 19:34:08
You are very sweet. I struggle with the words "need" and "want." I can want more contact, but do I NEED more? Sometimes I'm absolutely sure I need him to stay together. Othertimes I wonder if I'm indulging a childish want. Either way, he remains steady for it all.
I'd like to still know about the neediest client. It might make me feel better.
I'm not always brave at saying what is on my mind. But a while ago I asked him to push me a little if he thought I was holding back. So he will say, "what? You started to say something." My favorite is: "Try to stay here and just say words...anything that tells me what is going on." So I said, "words." He laughed.
Talking about talking really helped.
Posted by daisym on January 5, 2006, at 21:02:26
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » daisym, posted by fallsfall on January 4, 2006, at 19:34:32
I'm trying to let him help. He said I don't have to know why I need him, it is just OK to need him. I said I'll never be able to face termination. He said, "we aren't there yet. You don't know how you will feel. Can you worry about this week and next and not years down the road?"
OK -- I'll try. But -- YEARS!!?? Yikes.
Posted by fairywings on January 5, 2006, at 21:38:11
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » fairywings, posted by daisym on January 5, 2006, at 21:00:03
> I struggle with the words "need" and "want." Sometimes I'm absolutely sure I need him to stay together. Othertimes I wonder if I'm indulging a childish want.
***I know the feeling. I'd like everyday, I'd like twice a week. I love his kindness, I hate my building attachment. I keep thinking "quuuuiiiittt beforrrre it geeeeetssss tooooo llaaaatttteee!" Kind of like a whisper in my ear. ; ) I don't think it's indulging a childish want, I think it's seeking the loving parenting we never had, until we're strong enough to provide that for ourselves. Have you ever listened to any of Caroline Myss's CD's? They're wonderful. If you're interested, I'll do a double quote here, just to get you to a link "Warming the Stone Child".
>
> I'd like to still know about the neediest client.***Ask! ; ) What's the worst that can happen?!
>
> My favorite is: "Try to stay here and just say words...anything that tells me what is going on." So I said, "words." He laughed.***That's too funny. I haven't felt amused all week, but that did it. Thank you (((daisy))).
Wish I had a quick wit.fw
Posted by daisym on January 6, 2006, at 0:17:09
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » daisym, posted by fairywings on January 5, 2006, at 21:38:11
I have the Stone Child as well as her cd about dreams and another I can't remember. I liked the dream cd better than the Stone Child. I think It brought up too much painful stuff for me the first time I listened to it.
I pulled out one of my favorite books again, looking for want vs. need. It is a very clinical (but readable) book, "Treating the Self" but I learned so much about merging and why I felt so fragmented. I also have been reading "A Slender Thread" looking for new ways to view why people get to the edge and don't jump off. They reach out and connect and make it through one more day.
I guess that is what this attachment with our therapists is really about. We need to connect, to matter to someone enough to make it through one more day.
I'm glad I made you smile.
Posted by fairywings on January 6, 2006, at 11:47:27
In reply to Re: Hating the rules. » daisym, posted by fairywings on January 5, 2006, at 21:38:11
I said warming the stone child was a Caroline Myss CD, but it wasn't hers. It was Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
fw
Posted by happyflower on January 6, 2006, at 14:48:57
In reply to Re: Oops, posted by fairywings on January 6, 2006, at 11:47:27
> I said warming the stone child was a Caroline Myss CD, but it wasn't hers. It was Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
>
> fwHey, Fairywings!
I have Warming the Stone Child and it is a great CD. Thanks for reminding me to listen to it again. Yup, I am a stonechild, it fits me to a T. (not T as in T , but you know what I mean! lol) I would like to get more of her CD's, I have one of her books, which I find hard to read, but it is something about Wild Wolf Woman, lol I can't remember anything. I sure couldn't read that book right now either, but it is suppose to be inspiring. (if you can get through it)
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2006, at 18:27:46
In reply to Re: Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 6, 2006, at 0:17:09
> I guess that is what this attachment with our therapists is really about. We need to connect, to matter to someone enough to make it through one more day.
>Yeah.
I think that's why my therapist said that T3's style and philosophy wasn't the best one for everybody.
Posted by fairywings on January 7, 2006, at 17:42:12
In reply to Re: Oops » fairywings, posted by happyflower on January 6, 2006, at 14:48:57
Yup, I am a stonechild, it fits me to a T. (not T as in T , but you know what I mean! lol)
**Yep, me too, and I know what ya mean hf
I would like to get more of her CD's, I have one of her books, which I find hard to read, but it is something about Wild Wolf Woman, lol I can't remember anything. I sure couldn't read that book right now either, but it is suppose to be inspiring. (if you can get through it)**"Women who run with the wolves"
fw
Posted by happyflower on January 7, 2006, at 17:50:11
In reply to Re: Oops » happyflower, posted by fairywings on January 7, 2006, at 17:42:12
>one of her books, which I find hard to read, but it is something about Wild Wolf Woman, lol I can't remember anything. I sure couldn't read that book right now either, but it is suppose to be inspiring. (if you can get through it)
>
> **"Women who run with the wolves"
>
Yup that is it!!! I feel like a stoned and drunk flower lately! LOL
Posted by fairywings on January 7, 2006, at 17:53:07
In reply to Re: Oops » fairywings, posted by happyflower on January 7, 2006, at 17:50:11
still feeling off from the ambien? that stuff sounds wicked! my pdoc said soon our ins. will only cover cr, so i think i might have to do somethings else for sleep...benedryl, valerian, melatonin, none of them perfect, but better than doing strange things in my sleep, having bizarre dreams, and being groggy the next day. bleh!
fw
Posted by happyflower on January 7, 2006, at 18:09:50
In reply to Re: Oops » happyflower, posted by fairywings on January 7, 2006, at 17:53:07
Well maybe you wouldn't respond like me. My T says that is because my body is sensitive. (if he only knew!!!!!) sorry
Posted by littleone on January 7, 2006, at 18:13:04
In reply to Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 4, 2006, at 2:20:46
Hi daisy,
I figure we can hate the rules all we like as long as we follow them. You can wish for stuff like:
> I want to sit and brood. I can't -- I'm supposed to talk.
> I want to lie that I'm OK -- but I promised not to lie.
> I want more than an hour a day. I want sessions at 3am. I want to be special. I want to be rescued. I want to be held while I cry. I don't want know he has other clients or a wife that he went dancing with. And yet I want to know if he has other clients as needy as me.all you like. And I figure we can get mad at our T's because the wishes can't come true. I know I can't get mad at him in person (yet?), but I sometimes get real mad in my writings to him. A bit safer for me that way not to have the mad feelings right there, but still being able to get mad at him.
I know you talk a lot more than I do in sessions, but have you tried drawing your wishes out? I know for me that I get a different kind of release drawing the wishes. Like I can really SHOW him what I want. Which I think is different to telling.
I hate those rules too. Even though I know they're there for a reason, I still hate them. I still want what I can't have. I still want more than he can give me.
The other thing I wanted to say was re:
> Today I told him I needed a break. I thought if I took a month off I could get my feelings back under control.
I know that for me I'm only just now starting to realise how much I actually do dissociate. A big part of which is cutting off my feelings. I know you say you want to get yours "back under control", but I wasn't sure if for you that means just getting them to a manageable level, or basically cutting them off. I think there's an important difference there.
Also, I think you book link later in the thread isn't linked properly.
Posted by daisym on January 7, 2006, at 18:51:00
In reply to Re: Hating the rules., posted by daisym on January 6, 2006, at 0:17:09
Thanks for the head's up! I didn't go back and check it.
"Treating the Self" is the proper link. (I hope.)
Strange -- yesterday and today I feel better, like a weight has come off. I don't feel hugely needy, actually not needy at all. It feels like something shifted and I can let go of my therapist. I've been productive too -- got the taxes organized, bills paid, laundry done. Today I got all the billing for work done and most of the report that is needed at year end is now down. It feels good to be wrapping things up.
I even made cinnamon rolls this morning and I'm cooking a turkey for dinner. :)
Posted by littleone on January 13, 2006, at 19:04:31
In reply to Book Link » daisym, posted by daisym on January 7, 2006, at 18:51:00
> Strange -- yesterday and today I feel better, like a weight has come off. I don't feel hugely needy, actually not needy at all. It feels like something shifted and I can let go of my therapist. I've been productive too -- got the taxes organized, bills paid, laundry done. Today I got all the billing for work done and most of the report that is needed at year end is now down. It feels good to be wrapping things up.
Do you understand what has brought the change about? I wondered if it was your adult part who has organised the taxes, paid the bills, etc. And if little daisy has taken a back seat and that is why you aren't as needy.
Sometimes I can see something that has brought a young part out in me, but I have no idea what causes it to go away or what causes the adult to come back. Is it just that feelings have eased so the young part isn't needed anymore? I don't know. Do you understand any better than me?
BTW, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better :) It's hard feeling so needy.
> I even made cinnamon rolls this morning and I'm cooking a turkey for dinner. :)I lovvvvvve cinnamon. Can I have one, or have they all been gobbled up by now?
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