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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on July 23, 2007, at 14:45:43
please help. i'm triggered and dont know what to do.
i saw a picture....it set me off.-bad. i feel like he's here,
xx xx
but im trembling. i feel scared and nauseous. i feel like he's breathing on my neck....
what do i do, how can i get this pic out of head, without hurting self.cant reach T.
Posted by B2chica on July 23, 2007, at 14:53:56
In reply to what can i do...***TRIGGER***bad, posted by B2chica on July 23, 2007, at 14:45:43
>>> without hurting self.
i mean SI...
Posted by jammerlich on July 23, 2007, at 14:57:53
In reply to Re: what can i do...***TRIGGER***bad, posted by B2chica on July 23, 2007, at 14:53:56
I'm going to chat. Come if it would help to talk....about it or anything at all.
So strange....I had a very similar experience this weekend.
Posted by slugdoo on July 23, 2007, at 16:28:46
In reply to what can i do...***TRIGGER***bad, posted by B2chica on July 23, 2007, at 14:45:43
Please be safe for yourself and your daughter. I don't know what triggered you but I am really concerned for you. Please take care
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 22:02:58
In reply to what can i do...***TRIGGER***bad, posted by B2chica on July 23, 2007, at 14:45:43
B2, you do the basic calming stuff.
Breath from your stomach.
Tell yourself that you are all grown up and you are a Mom, and you know this is a trigger, BUT THIS WILL PASS, the emotions you are feeling WILL pass.
They are just emotions, they feel bad, but they aren't living things..
They may rise to a creshendo, but they will ease again. Just like waves on the beach, the rise up and wash the sand, but then they recede. Sometimes the waves rise higher, but then they recede again.
If you have benzos, take some.
No benzos, then its good to have liquid benedryl around, works fast and is calming.
So its gonna be OK B2, you are OK.
Rock and hum, or watch TV or read or listen to music, or be around other people. All good things. Baking is good too. Or making a pot of nutritious soup.
Breath.
Its OK.
This WILL pass.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 8:13:49
In reply to Re: what can i do...***TRIGGER***bad » B2chica, posted by jammerlich on July 23, 2007, at 14:57:53
thank you so Very much for yesterday. i used your perfect excuse and it worked great. luckily the in-laws weren't there. it was just hubby and he had to run some errands so he was only there for a few minutes after i got home. i was visibly shaken so your excuse was great.
on the way home i cranked the music and sang/yelled and cried. that helped till i picked up little one. she actually helped more than i thought.it got better but i struggled when i had to give little one bath.... after that i gorged myself and ate about 30grams of fat! and topped that off with three glasses of wine after little one went down for sleep.
not a good coping mechanism...but it just took me so off guard.T never called...i told her to call unless it's after 5, then not to. i kinda figured she wouldn't. i wish she was a little more available.or had a 'crisis' number i could have called at least. that's what my last T had.
i think if i could have talked with you longer it would have helped too.
long story short. night was bad, but i didn't hurt myself.
one more crisis averted.
Thank you.
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 8:18:39
In reply to Re: what can i do...***TRIGGER***bad » B2chica, posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 22:02:58
thank you slugdoo and muffled for your concerns, it really means a lot to me that someone actually cares about me. sometimes i don't feel that so much.
muffled. thank you for the ideas. i'm going to write them down and have them handy here at work incase that happens again. it just took me SO off guard.
-still nursing so can't do benzo's but i maybe do benedryl...i see doc today (actually for little one-but might slip that question in for me)
Oh, the rocking is a GOOD idea. even little one will like that!
and one thing i did that actually helped was cleaned...it's hard with little one, but makes me feel better...scrubbing all the filth i guess...thank you.
b2c
Posted by jammerlich on July 24, 2007, at 10:14:47
In reply to (((((jammer)))))), posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 8:13:49
I'm so glad we were able to come up with something that worked and made things easier! Just call me the Queen of Excuses. I guess I seem to feel the need to cover my tracks a lot!
I wish we could have talked longer, too. I hated that you had to go so quickly. And I think the things you did to help yourself get through the night were just fine. They were certianly better than the alternative and that's a step in the right direction!!
What about calling your T again today and letting her know you'd still really like to talk to her? It really does stink that she isn't more available. As imperfect as it is (my T's system is imperfect, too), I guess all you can do is let her know when you're available and hope for the best. Blech!!! And I suppose the earlier you leave a message for her, the better chance you might have of actually hearing from her? When do you see her next? I hope it's soon.
And I hope you find some relief.
Jammer
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 10:53:33
In reply to Re: what can i do...***TRIGGER***bad, posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 8:18:39
So B2- remember this, sounds like you had a mega trigger. The sucker punch of triggers :-(
But what I want you to remember is that you MADE IT THRU. It may take a bit to get thru the fallout, but you have survived the punch, you put your ice on it, and now your healing.
Now you know you can do this should it happen again.
Your comming up w/coping strategies that work for you.
This is all good.
You reached out, and it wass successful.
Good.
And I goto tell you B2, I dunno you IRL, but on babble you come across as a real nice caring person. I'm sure you got your flaws!!!LOL! we all do, but I think you sure got alot of good in you too. Your kid is lucky to have you and your love.
Bestest of calm wishes to you ((B2)),
Muffled
Posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 11:29:25
In reply to (((((B2chica)))))) » B2chica, posted by jammerlich on July 24, 2007, at 10:14:47
i think honestly, i'm nervous about talking to her. she isn't fully aware of the abuse. she knows there was some csa...and she kinda know who...but i don't know if she knows...well, i never mentioned specifics if you know what i mean. and she may only think there was 'surface' abuse.
she also doesn't know that i was molested by a few other people over the years, though most were isolated incidents.per/person...as it were.
and well. quite frankly, i've just always felt that it must be me if it happened by several people over several years...something i must be inviting. i know logically now, (from babblers) that this is not supposed to be true...but.
add that insecurity to still not very trusting of women...and it makes it VERY hard to talk to her.but if i were to call, ya, earlier in the day would probably be better. but she normally has back to back appointments so i think she only checks her messages once a day or so.
then again, i will have tomorrow off to be with little one, so TECHNICALLY i would have all day that she could call me.
but do i want to open it up again? right when i'm starting to form this nice little scab??
since i won't officially see her till 8/9/07oh...these stupid decisions.
you'd think i could decide whether or not to make a stupid phone call. but i'm lucky if i can decide to go to the bathroom or not right now.
:(
Posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 11:34:02
In reply to Re: what can i do...***TRIGGER***bad » B2chica, posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 10:53:33
>>>The sucker punch of triggers :-(
NICELY PUT!!!
that is just what it felt like. like someone took the wind out of me. i felt almost suffocated, like walls were closing in...more like people closing in.thank you for your visualization of ice and stuff, that's actually really comforting.
thank you for your compliments, but i'm not very good at accepting them.
...but i do love my little one...so very very much.
thnx muffy.
Posted by jammerlich on July 24, 2007, at 11:42:56
In reply to Re: (((((B2chica)))))), posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 11:29:25
No, I don't think it's simple to make the decision whether or not to call. I have HUGE issues in that department (and in a thread just a little above this one), so I'm totally full of hot air when I suggest you do it. And my T knows of the csa, too, but I won't talk about it. It's hard. Don't know whether I don't trust women in general or if it's just her. Anyway, are we related? Crazy mothers, trust issues, problems calling and talking to T...I'm starting to wonder.....
Posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 12:01:35
In reply to Re: (((((B2chica)))))) » B2chica, posted by jammerlich on July 24, 2007, at 11:42:56
you'll never guess.
my T just called.
she was surprised that i was still at work. it seems that she checked her messages last night and there was nothing there. she checked just a bit ago and it was there...so she thought i had just called. she said she felt SOOO bad. she was so sorry she wasn't there to help.
she wanted to know when i see her next and if we should meet sooner. i told her my delimma. do i wait and let things scab over? or do i talk sooner. i thought sooner...but she had a cancellation tomorrow...yikes, sooner than i thought. now the bad news is that since i'll be home watching little one tomorrow, i'll have to take her with me. i told T this and that i can't get into emotional stuff cuz i don't want to get to emotional for drive home and such with little one.
she said that is definately ok. that we'll talk tomorrow about 'grounding' and what to do if happens again. and then the 9th i can debrief trigger and such.
so i guess the decision is made....though i'm worried i might cancel tomorrow. why?? i don't know...fear must be.related? sounds to me like we are. tu madre loco, definate trust issues in general but especially with women.
actually it's because of my great x-T (male) that i even tried a female T. and if i'm going to trust a female T, she will be the one. so that's good. but it's just getting there i guess.i told her i thought it was SO weird that a recent picture triggered feelings of past but with current age of abuser??? confusing to me. she said it was all part of the PTSD stuff and we could go into it more tomorrow. she was hesitant to go into stuff on phone and worry about me having to go back to work ...she said she's protective of me....it's kinda stupid but when she says that, it makes me feel good...but yet disbelief...i guess it's cuz a women's never been that way toward me.
sorry got so long.
but had to tell you.
Thanks jammer.
b2c.
Posted by jammerlich on July 24, 2007, at 14:09:40
In reply to jammer..., posted by B2chica on July 24, 2007, at 12:01:35
I'm so glad she called and that she can see you tomorrow and was protective. That's a really hard thing to take in, isn't it? Enjoy it, if you can. You deserve her caring.
I think you're right about it being fear that makes you think about cancelling tomorrow. I feel that a lot, too, when big stuff starts to come up or if I'm having difficulty with my T (like now). Maybe, if it gets too bad, you could call and leave a message letting her know you're worried you might do that. That's what I did last week because I was afraid I wouldn't show up for my session today and I think it helped.
But it does sound like she has a good plan for tomorrow and it won't get too deep or upsetting. And I think easing into it is the smart thing to do.
Thank you for keeping me updated. I'm glad your T is being so wonderful. It sounds like you've found a great one. Let me know how tomorrow goes.
Jammer
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