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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 20:32:06
Hi all,
Sorry I haven't been around. I was on vacation and am just catching up. I had a session today and wanted to tell everyone. I left feeling soooo close to him. I want to say right now that this is the first time in a while I've felt like this and I really don't want lectures about boundary crossings - I know some people might have a problem with this, but it's absolutely therapeutic in its intention and felt right to me.Today I was getting overwhelmed and dissociating a lot. He kept trying to pick topics to bring me back, but it wasn't working. I kept going away. Finally I stayed, but I got really scared. I was able to pull out of it for a second when he asked some questions about something else, but I slipped back into it again.
He was trying to think of something we could do so I didn't leave feeling scared, because I typically fall apart and cry for hours after the session if I leave feeling how I was. So he asked if he had ever told me that he had a music studio. He hadn't, and he asked me if I wanted to hear one of his songs. I said sure, and so he played it for me and explained how he was playing all the instruments and how he could put them together. Then when it was done he said I could keep the CD! So I have it. I like it, it's grounding to me. And it was such a good idea to bring me back into the room.
He told me that now I had the real part of him, the part that's hard to describe. It's a part of me I express in poetry and artwork, and he said he expresses it through making music. He said he's never played one of his songs for anyone.
I left feeling really close to him, and I still do. It was such a hard session otherwise. The prospect of 'divorcing' my mother frightens me so so much, and even considering that she really is unstable scares me.
Wow, this got long. Anyway, reactions are appreciated. Just try not to judge, please. It's hard to describe it unless you were there.
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 24, 2007, at 20:41:42
In reply to i feel so close, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 20:32:06
I think it was a wonderful thing for him to do. I can't see that it's a huge boundary crossing. Some Ts would probably wrinkle their nose at it, but I'm a firm believer in setting boundaries per individual situations. And it sounds like this was the perfect thing for you.
I'm glad it worked for you, SD. You deserve to feel safe and grounded in between sessions.
Posted by LadyBug on July 24, 2007, at 20:56:01
In reply to i feel so close, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 20:32:06
SD
I make no judgments. I think it was a wonderful thing he did for you. I can imagine how it felt for you and how it can stay with you for awhile. I think we are all individual's and our T's do things different for each of us according to our needs.
Take it in and let it work for you.
LadyBug
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 22:11:44
In reply to i feel so close, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 20:32:06
Awww SD thats so amazing!
You are a sweetie so I am not surprized, but what a great idea!Music!It can be a link from you to him, to hold onto when he's not around. I hope it will be very useful for you.
I'm really sorry bout your Mom. I think maybe I kinda divorced mine a long time ago...
Its not so bad really for me, I actually feel kinda bad how little I care, but I suspect mebbe it happened a long time ago...I dunno when, so maybe its not so much I don't care, but that I'm just over it, cuz its been so long? Dunno. So it does get better I guess. Hang in there.
I so admire your ability to allow your T close. I don't know that I could do that. You a special one all right!
Take care
(((SD)))
Muffled
Posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 22:29:40
In reply to Re: i feel so close » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on July 24, 2007, at 20:41:42
Oh my gosh, TG. Your post almost made me cry. The thought of me deserving anything good is so foreign to me. Thank you for reminding me. I feel like I need to hear it over and over and over again because it's hard to believe it.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 22:31:33
In reply to Re: i feel so close » sunnydays, posted by LadyBug on July 24, 2007, at 20:56:01
Thanks Ladybug. I know people on Babble don't judge, I guess I was feeling so strongly about the experience when I posted that I was scared that something would spoil it. But I wanted to share how I was feeling with everyone. I agree, there are so many variations in what individuals need.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 22:36:30
In reply to Re: i feel so close » sunnydays, posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 22:11:44
> Awww SD thats so amazing!
> You are a sweetie so I am not surprized, but what a great idea!Music!It can be a link from you to him, to hold onto when he's not around. I hope it will be very useful for you.*** I hope so too. I've only listened to it once, because I'm afraid if I listen to it too often it will lose it's 'magic'. But I have his voice now, because he was singing.
> I'm really sorry bout your Mom. I think maybe I kinda divorced mine a long time ago...
> Its not so bad really for me, I actually feel kinda bad how little I care, but I suspect mebbe it happened a long time ago...I dunno when, so maybe its not so much I don't care, but that I'm just over it, cuz its been so long? Dunno. So it does get better I guess. Hang in there.**** Yeah, I feel very emotionally detached from my mom. The only time I enjoy being around her is when we act like friends, not mother and daughter. I hope it gets easier. There's a lot of negative self-talk in my head that maybe I'm not interpreting her actions right or something, but my T has been helping me see that she really is not acting normally, no matter how you look at it.
> I so admire your ability to allow your T close. I don't know that I could do that. You a special one all right!
> Take care
> (((SD)))
> Muffled
**** Thanks muffled. You're special too. You always can be so kind in your posts, even when you are having a hard time yourself. It took me forever to trust my T, and I still don't feel I'm letting him as close as I could. But I guess trust takes time... Thanks for responding muffly.sunnydays
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 23:07:08
In reply to Re: i feel so close » muffled, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 22:36:30
> *** I hope so too. I've only listened to it once, because I'm afraid if I listen to it too often it will lose it's 'magic'. But I have his voice now, because he was singing.OMG!!!! SD!!!! Singing too!!! Thats even BETTER!!!!
I am SO happy for you!!!!
Wowsa!
:-)
You got me smilin girl!
M
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 23:11:43
In reply to Re: i feel so close » LadyBug, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 22:31:33
I know people on Babble don't judge, I guess I was feeling so strongly about the experience when I posted that I was scared that something would spoil it. But I wanted to share how I was feeling with everyone.
**You are a wise one SD.
I would phrase that however:
"people on babble don't MEAN to judge" but sometimes it happens. I think with only good intentions, but it does happen, so I think you were wise to compose your post the way you did. Good on ya!
And THANKS for sharing it, I am still smiling :-) BIG smile.
I am SO happy for you :-) Mebbe there is hope for trust after all.
M
Posted by JoniS on July 24, 2007, at 23:23:00
In reply to i feel so close, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 20:32:06
I'm happy for you SD. I don't see it as a boundary crossing at all.
My T is very professional and very conscious of the need for appropriate boundaries. But funny thing is that when my daughter was married 2 years ago, he did a solo in her wedding. It was really special to me, and her - whole family actually because T has held us together. (I see him, daughter, son-in-law and H & son did but not anymore) Anyway, I have a tape of my daughter's wedding and sometimes I listen to it and just feel good. I don't think it will ever lose it's magic, I just hope I don't wear it out. I probably should transfer it to CD.
Enjoy it! It's a special gift and you deserve it.
Joni
Posted by OzLand on July 24, 2007, at 23:50:06
In reply to i feel so close, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 20:32:06
So what is to judge? That's nice as now you have him present when you need him--his voice.
I remember when I was at Menninger's and my doctor was going on vacation for a month, I was beside myself. He gave me a picture of himself, and I also had one of his cigarette lighters as he smoked a pipe at the time, and back then I smoked cigarettes. Anyway, I would take out his lighter and smell it (okay no jokes people), and then it felt like he was there because it smelled like his pipe tobacco. So, I felt he was there with me when he was gone. This maybe sounds stupid, but it meant a lot to me at the time, and so I do understand.
OzLand
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 25, 2007, at 11:34:06
In reply to Re: i feel so close » sunnydays, posted by OzLand on July 24, 2007, at 23:50:06
Okay, so pretend like I'm judgemental...
I have no bad judgments about this whatsoever. You needed something to feel connected to the here and now. something to keep you from drifting. A mental image wasn't strong enough, and now you have a sound-image. I don't see how it's any different than keeping a voicemail as a reminder of T's nice voice, or finding a pic of T online and saving it. Of remembering a poignant thing that T said and writing it down. These are all very good coping mechanisms to keep us going when things get confusing.
I cannot see how any boundaries were crossed. Think about how vulnerable your T made himself. Worried that you might judge his music, and instead you responded with caring and genuine interest. You sound like a really sweet Sunnydays, and no wonder he felt like sharing.
-Ll
Posted by Dinah on July 25, 2007, at 15:09:20
In reply to i feel so close, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 20:32:06
I think boundaries are best judged by the whole of the relationship, not individual acts. And there's a big difference between boundary crossings (well thought out and undertaken for a reason) and boundary violations.
I'm glad you feel close to him, and he found a way to reach you.
Posted by Dinah on July 25, 2007, at 15:12:01
In reply to Re: i feel so close » OzLand, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 25, 2007, at 11:34:06
> Think about how vulnerable your T made himself. Worried that you might judge his music, and instead you responded with caring and genuine interest. You sound like a really sweet Sunnydays, and no wonder he felt like sharing.
That's a very good point, and struck close to home. I think I might have shot my therapist down a time or two when he was trying to share himself. He always said that he never worried about my crossing boundaries because I liked them so well myself.
You gave me something to think about.
Posted by slugdoo on July 25, 2007, at 20:28:55
In reply to i feel so close, posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 20:32:06
I think your T is so sweet, (like you). I think it was a very neat thing to do. In a way, you do have a piece of your T that no everyone has even seen, so cool!
This is the end of the thread.
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