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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on September 15, 2007, at 22:16:58
Know what someone said?
It was said that we got T to help us, but someone said, T can't save you, real loud.
And that is known and understood.
But mebbe T can use magic of words to make the badness go away and then we don't got to worry bout revenge. We can be free. We can do/say/be what we want. We don't goto hide away in shame and fear cuz then it'll be safe, and even if its NOT, so longs we don't actually die, then we can move on, and T says she don't care and she NOT ascared so fars we can figger, and she not gonna run just cuz theres revenge. Well, no guarantees right. But we tough. We got what we need to survive cuz we still HERE right , we HERE.
Damn that little kid, don't think she got the words.
But mebbe if she just comes round and sees its OK, mebbe that'll be enuf.
Prob is we dunno WHY we get set off ?
Why screamer sets to going.
Why allasudden TOWWTD starts flipping out.
There's NO reasons.
And thats what makes it so hard.
WHO is causing this?
HOW do we stop it?
Posted by Dory on September 15, 2007, at 23:19:38
In reply to Internal ruminations, posted by muffled on September 15, 2007, at 22:16:58
i want so badly to say something profound...something important that will help you. i want to not be standing still staring at my feet while you struggle. But i say this while staring at my feet...
((((muffled))))
Posted by Daisym on September 15, 2007, at 23:20:06
In reply to Internal ruminations, posted by muffled on September 15, 2007, at 22:16:58
I think that is why we need help. We need to feel safe enough to know why we get triggered and how to cope. Then we can find the answers we are looking for.
Hopefully...
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 0:09:09
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations » muffled, posted by Dory on September 15, 2007, at 23:19:38
> i want so badly to say something profound...something important that will help you. i want to not be standing still staring at my feet while you struggle. But i say this while staring at my feet...
>
> ((((muffled))))**((Dory))
You standing BESIDE me looking at your feet.
I not alone.
That is enuf.
And I thank you.
Cuz its special that someone would stand beside me, when mebbe I am so...dunno..
M
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 0:18:02
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations, posted by Daisym on September 15, 2007, at 23:20:06
> I think that is why we need help. We need to feel safe enough to know why we get triggered and how to cope. Then we can find the answers we are looking for.
>
> Hopefully...**I read this.
I thot.
We need to feel safe.
We need to feel safe?
This does not compute.
I am NOT afraid.
I have Toughie.
Toughie not enuf?
I got Nasty.
Nasty not enuf?
I got E.P.
E.P. could kill.
Noone else could.
E.P. is ultimate protection.
Emotionless Protector. E.P.
How can I be afraid?
I am not afraid.
But I AM afraid.
I am afraid.
This does not compute.
I have no fear.
I stare fear in the face.
I welcome danger.
I laugh.
I do not flinch.
I am invincable.
I am bold unto death.
I am so afraid.
Terrified.
This does not compute.
:-(
M
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 0:46:18
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations, posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 0:18:02
I think if I went to T and expressed truly who I was.
I would have to walk in and smile hugely in delight at seeing her, then proceed to tell her I'm scared sh*tless, then tell her to go f*ck herself, turn and punch a hole in the drywall, punch and punch till it broke (wall/hand...whatever), then I would have to curl up in a ball, in a corner, and rock, after that I could sit carelessly slumped in the chair, my body that is...the rest of me would be elswhere....and so on......
But of course this would have to happen simataneously.....
So,
HOW can I be HONEST TRUE me in T????
Not humanly possible...
Sigh.
Posted by Dory on September 16, 2007, at 0:47:39
In reply to Internal ruminations, posted by muffled on September 15, 2007, at 22:16:58
Posted by Daisym on September 16, 2007, at 1:21:58
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations, posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 0:46:18
perhaps you know how to be brave and face people who are mean and want to hurt you. But what will you do with someone who is nice to you and wants to love you? Now THAT is scary.
You don't have to beat up the wall to be yourself. You don't have to announce yourself either. Just be.
Which isn't easy, btw. Being is very, very hard.
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 2:03:58
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations, posted by Daisym on September 16, 2007, at 1:21:58
> perhaps you know how to be brave and face people who are mean and want to hurt you. But what will you do with someone who is nice to you and wants to love you? Now THAT is scary.
*WHY? Why is it scarey? Why am I afraid?
I am not afraid of T. She is nice.
Maybe I am afarid of rejection?
Or of hurting her?
Or of tainting her with my 'badness'.
Is that what you mean?
Love is a 4 letter word, and i'm not sure I understand it.
Love is not necc a good thing.
> You don't have to beat up the wall to be yourself. You don't have to announce yourself either. Just be.
>
> Which isn't easy, btw. Being is very, very hard.**sigh.
I not so sure I know HOW to *be*.....
Thanks for help Daisy.
Posted by widget on September 16, 2007, at 9:08:08
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations, posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 0:46:18
You said it for me. I know, I know. And, it really hurts. In the same place with different details. Widget
Posted by arora on September 16, 2007, at 16:00:01
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations » Daisym, posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 2:03:58
Maybe one thing that is scary is trusting.
Trusting someone with the pain, and trusting them to not turn around and throw it back in your face.
Maybe the anger is protection just in case they do that- you can feel you didn't REALLY trust them 100%. You saved something, that they don't know about- pain that is safe from being... I don't know- made into new scars? If that makes any sense.arora
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 16:47:44
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations, its not just you, posted by widget on September 16, 2007, at 9:08:08
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 16:50:44
In reply to Re: Internal ruminations, posted by arora on September 16, 2007, at 16:00:01
> Maybe one thing that is scary is trusting.
> Trusting someone with the pain, and trusting them to not turn around and throw it back in your face.
> Maybe the anger is protection just in case they do that- you can feel you didn't REALLY trust them 100%. You saved something, that they don't know about- pain that is safe from being... I don't know- made into new scars? If that makes any sense.*arrrggghhh, sometimes its so hard to get the concept into words!
Funny you should bring up trust, cuz that was running thru my head too.
So, the last thot, did you mean something along the lines of me keeping 'my *ss covered' as it were? Cuz yes indeedy, I AM good at that.
Thanks for the thots and support.
M
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