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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 19:13:22
I called my T and made an appointment to go see her tomorrow night. I have so much anxiety about it. I've seen her for over 11 years for those of you that aren't familiar with my story. The past few months, since the first of March that is, have been a test on our relationship because of some things I said and did and some things she said and did to me.
I don't want to go into the whole thing again. I saw her one time in March, one time in April and this will be the second time in May. I don't know if I can see her anymore. One thing is that I don't have insurance coverage for her right now and I'm not getting any financial support from my soon to be ex-husband so I don't have the money to see her.
My insurance will kick in again in Sept. but I think that's too long a break for what is happening.
Can I just be honest hear and say how I feel about her? I'm hurt by the things she said to me. I'm angry by the boundary changes she made. I don't think she cares anymore and doesn't care if she works with me or not. What she said put a wall up for me. I don't think I can tell her anything that's going on in my life ever again. So why go? I don't trust her anymore. She will be frustrated with me for having such a hard time in my life.Let me list what's happened to me the past 18 months of my life.
1. Bi-lateral knee replacements, 5 days apart. Nov. 2006. It took several months to recover from and did me in physically and emotionally.2. My siblings and I moved both my parents from their home they've lived in for over 50 years into an assisted living place. We just moved them this weekend for the 3rd time in less than a year because their care is getting greater and greater. They both have dementia. We almost lost my mom in Dec. 2007.
3. My sixteen year old daughter found out she was pregnant in July 2007. I got her started seeing a therapist and P Dr. in March of 2007. Her whole pregnancy was hard, she was so sick, so young and so needy. She decided on adoption in January 2008. ;o(
4. My marriage was falling apart, I've been married 23 years. Decided to leave and moved to a new place, new city, the end of August 2007.
5. My husband gets arrested for fraud, I don't even know the whole story, he's a drug addict. We file for a difficult bankruptcy and I go to a court hearing several times only to be called a loser, pretty much. None of the debt is mine except for some back taxes we owe. That's been going on for a year or so with the last court hearing about 4 days before my first grand baby was born in March 2008.
6. The birth and adoption of my daughter's baby, placed for adoption 48 hours later. March 2008 (This is the hardest thing I've had to go through in my entire life.)
7. My, not yet ex goes to jail, in April 2008. Now I get no child support or any money of any kind from him. I can't even survive with my needs and my bills aren't paid. I have medical bills I'm trying to pay on, I know I will pay small amounts till I can pay them off but they are killing me there are so many of them. I have no money for food, I make too much to get help.
8. I started a new job, May 2008. A new job is stressful but it has been a good change for me.
And last but not least.................9. My relationship with my T has fallen apart. It hurts, I've got anxiety with it. I don't dare tell her anything, I think it's over. One more huge loss, I can't tolerate it, it's hard for me and she doesn't even care.
There, that's my life in a nut shell.
I know much of this will pass, but losing my marriage will take me years to get over even though it was time to go. The adoption will always hurt. Losing my T is going to hurt for years. I thought more of my T than anyone in my world! We did so well together. The sadness is more than I can bare sometimes.
I'm going to see her tomorrow, and I don't know what to say, goodbye? You hurt me and I can't talk to you anymore? End a 11 year relationship like this? I can't afford to come and work this out. But by Sept. I won't want to come back for sure.
Wow, I'm so alone. I spent today alone. My older daughter spent the day with her boyfriend. My younger daughter had to work all day. I've been a waste of a human today. Trying to decide what to say to her in 24 hours????? My stomach is going to fall out.
Sad LadyBug ;o(
Posted by rskontos on May 26, 2008, at 20:02:20
In reply to Anxiety going to see my T (long), posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 19:13:22
OH ladybug, my friend, I am truly sorry for how can I say it sh*tty things have been for you. And you of all people, do not deserve this hell hole life has put you in. I will try and send loving thoughts to you so that maybe some good will start and come your way. You deserve it. You do not deserve all the tough breaks that have come to you. Yet you do go on, one small step at a time. I admire your tenacity. It has been a uphill struggle through each of these emotional battles and you have fought and won.
For your T session. I don't know about that. Go and say what is in your heart. Just let it flow is what i would do . Try and get some peace from this session. Whether it is the last or not try and say what you need to. I wish you luck in this session. Make it count for you. Not her.
Go well my friend, I wish you strength and I am sending good vibes your way.
(((((((Ladybug))))))))rsk
Posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 20:50:59
In reply to Re: Anxiety going to see my T (long) » LadyBug, posted by rskontos on May 26, 2008, at 20:02:20
rskontos
Thanks for the encouragement. I need it and thanks for the hug. I need that too.
I will post when I can about my appointment tomorrow night. Man, I can feel the energy drain out of me just thinking about it. Weird huh?
Thanks for being my friend.
I'm more worried about my T and I's relationship that anything at the moment. Sad isn't it?
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 20:59:42
In reply to Anxiety going to see my T (long), posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 19:13:22
> Can I just be honest hear and say how I feel about her? I'm hurt by the things she said to me. I'm angry by the boundary changes she made. I don't think she cares anymore and doesn't care if she works with me or not. What she said put a wall up for me. I don't think I can tell her anything that's going on in my life ever again. So why go? I don't trust her anymore. She will be frustrated with me for having such a hard time in my life.
Absolutely you should be honest. Apart from all else, what do you have to lose?
The only thing I might add is that my therapist and I had a fight a couple of weeks ago that seems to have deepened our relationship. It was an extraordinary experience. The first thing I said to him was how much I cared for him, how much I respected him, etc. And throughout everything I said to him, I made sure to touch on that fact frequently and fiercely.
"I care about you, and I am angry with you. You've hurt me, and you mean so much to me. There are things I need from you, and I do not want to lose this relationship."
That sort of thing.
To express it in similar terms that I used for something else this week in therapy...
It is so easy for me to say good things then follow it with a "but...". The good stuff and the bad stuff gets hopelessly confused until I just can't experience the good stuff. But it is probably better for me to be grateful for the good things "and..." feel the bad things. The two things can coincide. The good things don't ease the pain. The bad things don't destroy what is good in a relationship.
My therapist followed my lead when I started off the session by saying "I care about you, not only as my therapist but as a person. You mean so much to me. You've been so important in my life. It means a lot to me to keep you in my life. I do have needs that I feel must be met, and I respect that you have needs and values that you don't feel you can compromise. But given all that, it is my goal to work things out, and I hope you are committed to that as well."
That's a slight paraphrase, but not much. It was such an extraordinary experience of fighting to relationship that I wish it for everyone.
But I recognize that not all therapists are willing to fight to relationship. I hope your therapist is.
If that's really what you want and need at this point in your relationship.
Posted by muffled on May 26, 2008, at 21:32:29
In reply to Re: Anxiety going to see my T (long) » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 20:59:42
(((((((((((((((LB)))))))))))))))))))))
Dunno what to say cept I wish you the very best.
Take good care of yourself.
M
Posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 22:36:54
In reply to Re: Anxiety going to see my T (long) » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 20:59:42
Dinah,
I like what you said and how you and your T can fight for this relationship. I got some ideas from your post. We'll see what happens.
Posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 22:38:45
In reply to Re: Anxiety going to see my T (long), posted by muffled on May 26, 2008, at 21:32:29
Thanks muffled!!! It means a lot.
I know I'm the worst when it comes to helping others that are hurting. I can hope for the best but I have so much fear of the outcome. It's not all my choice. She may hurt me even more, thats a fear of mine. I can't bare it.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on May 27, 2008, at 7:58:53
In reply to Anxiety going to see my T (long), posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 19:13:22
My poor sweetie: yes, I do know your story......I am still trying to recover from a 31 year "marriage" divorce....of abuse.
You have just been through too much.
Can you tell you all you have said here? Would that be safe, or will she make you feel worse?
I wish I could help. Feel free to e-mail me anytime (wacalice@aol.com)
Love, Sassy
Posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2008, at 13:02:04
In reply to Re: Anxiety going to see my T (long) » muffled, posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 22:38:45
Too much stress in a year or so are you going it alone or taking some med to help? I admire you and your strength. Phillipa
Posted by LadyBug on May 27, 2008, at 15:34:52
In reply to Re: Anxiety going to see my T (long), posted by sassyfrancesca on May 27, 2008, at 7:58:53
Thanks Sassy.
I know you know some of what I'm going through! It stinks! Do we have hope things can get better?
I HOPE so!!
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on May 27, 2008, at 15:36:26
In reply to Re: Anxiety going to see my T (long) » LadyBug, posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2008, at 13:02:04
Phillipa,
Yes I'm on meds and had the dose increased about a year ago. I know it helps me keep things at bay but I still cry every now and then.
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on May 27, 2008, at 21:31:05
In reply to Re: Anxiety going to see my T (long), posted by LadyBug on May 27, 2008, at 15:36:26
This is the end of the thread.
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