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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by star008 on June 13, 2008, at 23:15:04
Seems like whenever my t brings up the subject of doing work i leave the building.. lol.. Not really but I dissociate badly and after that it takes me a couple of days,(at least), to feel halfway normal again. I am afraid of change? Afraid of being exposed? I know I am making things slower than they might be. I think I am not so easy to work with. All he has to do is to start talking about integrating and stuff and I freak out.. I don't have control over when i dissociate so it just happens..Three weeks and I have done it each time..There are no answers for me. I just wish I could get through this without going through so much stuff and we haven't even started to face anything yet..
Posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2008, at 23:43:38
In reply to saw T again dissociated again;(, posted by star008 on June 13, 2008, at 23:15:04
Star I'm sorry you're dissasociating each time but you're hanging in and working hard. Love Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on June 14, 2008, at 20:51:51
In reply to saw T again dissociated again;(, posted by star008 on June 13, 2008, at 23:15:04
Star do you dissociate outside of T, like in any other situations?
rsk
Posted by muffled on June 14, 2008, at 23:31:37
In reply to saw T again dissociated again;(, posted by star008 on June 13, 2008, at 23:15:04
> Seems like whenever my t brings up the subject of doing work i leave the building.. lol.. Not really but I dissociate badly and after that it takes me a couple of days,(at least), to feel halfway normal again. I am afraid of change? Afraid of being exposed? I know I am making things slower than they might be. I think I am not so easy to work with. All he has to do is to start talking about integrating and stuff and I freak out.. I don't have control over when i dissociate so it just happens..Three weeks and I have done it each time..There are no answers for me. I just wish I could get through this without going through so much stuff and we haven't even started to face anything yet..
*ya, thats pretty bad when it takes days to recover :-(
Arrrrggghhh! Tell me he is NOT saying the I-word????? Oh man, that really upset me initially. Integration is WAY down the road. First you got to figger whose there, get 'em calmed down, learn to listen and accept them for who they are, etc etc etc. I-stuff is SO NOT even on the table at the moment.
There ARE answers, but its a SLOW SLOW process.
Its incredibly confusing in a hundred different ways. And for me its not been all bad, there's been LOTSA good in getting to know the others. Things still get mighty confused, but sometimes I can actually figger stuff out now.
I have heard fro many that journalling can REALLY help. I don't do this, but there's some who have diff color pens for diff parts. Or diff books for diff parts. I just do it on my computer. Its helps to understand the others.
It seems to be common to have what some cal 'protector' parts. These can function in diff ways depending on your history. But their basic function is to protect and hide.
So when T starts to try and find stuff out, and esp if he been saying the i-word, well they proly pretty on guard.
There needs to be understanding and negotiating btwn parts.This may seem like an impossible task, but it has helped me ALOT.
Even w/my oldt who didn't understand DD stuff, well, she kinda served as my rock in times I'd get lost. She didn't do a whole lot of DD work w/me. She tried, but MY protectors didn't want to deal w/her for a variety of reasons. Others DID try a bit to connect, but she didn't understand I guess, and somehow that was known, and other stuff too. So while i really liked my oldt, I realized she wasn't gonna be able to help w/DD stuff.
IS your T doing research? getting consults?
This is stuff thats real hard to try and learn from a book...
Star, I think you CAN make some progress w/o DD T, using your present T as support, while you work on trying to figger whats going on internally. I find in times where there is quiet, or when I'm driving, that I can more easily connect. Try and be as kind as you can, and understand that the emotions and rteactions that you get from the others WILL relate to their age. I struggled a long time, fighting w/a part, cuz I thot it was SO stupid and acted like an idiot. It WASN'T. It was responding completely rationally given its age (around 8- 9 or so). Once I started to relate to it according to its age, and understand its responses were from someone that age, everything started to fall into place. Her responses made sense, I was better ahble to work with her, and in fact she has become a great help :-) :-)
I seem to have some sort of tentaive agreement of sorts w/my protection. It seems to sort of slowly evolve w/time and the fact that I have proven myself(and my T did) that we could do stuf OK and they didn't need to be so vigilant.
You may find that over time once your protection realizes that nothing terrible is happening, they might ease up and allow that you can be more present during sessions.
I rarely miss much of sessions now.
I used to miss most of them. Complete blank. Yet oddly, no fear surrounding the blank. You'da thot I'd have been more concered.
So this is long, but what I want you to know star is there's LOTSA hope, it DOES get better. You CAN do some of the prelim work with your T for sure, and if T gets educated, maybe go further.
Its different for each person how they experience their DD. I think I am lower on the scale, I already have much 'co-consciousness'etc. Its seems you may too.
There are also other websites that are more specifically targetted at DD, though you have to be careful as some boards can be extreemly triggering. But they can be an excellent way to get some input and ask questions and get more info(all with a grain of salt of course...)
Take care, gotta go,
M
Posted by rskontos on June 16, 2008, at 13:49:30
In reply to Re: saw T again dissociated again;(, posted by muffled on June 14, 2008, at 23:31:37
Muffled is right. It does, at least for me, get really messy before it gets better. A case in point. Friday I went out with my daughter to an outing I was looking forward to. I won't go into the specifics but I got triggered in a big way by my daughter. I will say that in looking back as I did in my therapy and afterwards, I believe that probably there were five of my parts out trying to all protect me in this situation. It was messy to say the least. And I kept coming back in between the switching. And for once I did not keep up with the conversation so I would be speaking and switch and not know what the hell to say so i would stumble and they would be looking at me while I searched for a word and then I would switch to someone that knew what was being discussed and you get the picture. I can't tell you how many times I switched. I sensed so many I can't tell how many. I did come back to realize partially I was saying something to one of the guys there I had no business saying but at least his wife liked what i said to him but I would have NEVER said that to a stranger. But before I could be too upset I was gone again. And finally after it was all over and I got home, I had the worst headache. I felt so loose and unable to feel the world in general. It took me two days to feel better. And I felt so flat and sad and so disconnected. And to make it worse I felt like for the first time people noticed. I felt I acted weird. We tried to figure out what happened today in therapy. But I just can't tell him because I don't know all the particulars. I wasn't there for all the time. M an this stuff sucks sometimes.
I have faced some things but there are a lot of stuff I know still buried. Now whether I want or need to face it is up for grabs.
I do know how you feel there girl.
Hang in there.
rsk
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