![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Amanda29 on August 2, 2008, at 14:35:43
I just recently talked to my therapist about some transference issuest that I was experiencing with him..and the session went really well. I left the session half upset though because I found out that I am apparently a lot sicker than what I thought..and he has noticed but hasnt said anything... so I am a little bent out of shape. BUT. He told me that our therapeutic relationship was not changed and that we are OK. SO that makes me feel good. BUT, when I went home...(this was this past thursday), I went to my neighbor and was talking to him about my session and about my anxiety being through the roof...(I cannt use anxiey meds because of my addiction to them..amd I just went to rehab in october...so I cannot take ANYTHING...and anyway, his roommate came out of the house..introduced himself to me...heard me mentioned that my anxiey was so bad and that I was struggling...and he went back into the house and brought me 2 pills...vicodin and valium. I looked at him and put them in my oocket. I didnt take them. When I went back to my house I called my therapist on his cell phone and asked him to help me. I knew the right thing would be to flush the pills but I Couldnt bring myself to do so. He told me he wasnt going to tell me what to do because that is part of what being an adult is...being able to make your own mind up.He told me good luck and we hung up the phone.
Last night my neighbor saw me walking my dog and asked me how I was feeling and if I needed another pill. I told him no. He told me he had a little bit of everything. But I told him I wasnt going to need anything.
Today, I gave in and took the Vicodin around two pm. It has done absolutely nothing to me which is good. Maybe it is God's way of keeping me from getting back on the pills. The thing is I emailed my therapist right before I took it and told him that I had gotten rid of them and that I no longer had them in my possession...(which is true)..I wanted him to be proud of me for remaining strong.
Basically I lied to him. I have only lied to him once before. I believe that a therapist should not be lied to..yet here i go lying to him. I feel bad. I am scared as to how he will react if I tell him I took the pill.
When I got out of rehab I didnt want to go to support groups because I didnt want to surround myself with people that had the same problem that I did. I was afraid that if I was arround them, I would want to use again. So I was going to prove to everyone that I can kick this addiction in the butt and that I am OK...and so far I have..until today. I Read thought that many people have a "Lapse" and that this doesnt mean that their treatment didnt work. So I am just going to stand back up and move forward and hope for the best.
I am just struggling emotionally right now and my thearpist seems to not care...which I know he does he is just being really hard on me..he is giving me "tough love" and I cannot handle it coming from him.
Posted by no_rose_garden on August 2, 2008, at 14:55:33
In reply to lying to therapist., posted by Amanda29 on August 2, 2008, at 14:35:43
I think the best thing would be to tell him the truth and tell him why you lied. It can only make things easier. Keeping the lie would probably be a lot harder and he won't be able to help you if he doesn't really know what's going on.
:)
Posted by Amanda29 on August 2, 2008, at 14:57:21
In reply to Re: lying to therapist., posted by no_rose_garden on August 2, 2008, at 14:55:33
He will make me go to a support group and I dont want to do that...I dont want to have to deal with any of it...I am a strong person..I can get through this...
Posted by antigua3 on August 2, 2008, at 18:36:05
In reply to lying to therapist., posted by Amanda29 on August 2, 2008, at 14:35:43
Oh, I can feel the hurt coming through and I'm so sorry. I hate "tough love." I usually rebel against it no matter the good intentions, but it is often the best way for me. My pdoc always turns it back to me, too, that I'm an adult when it is the child who is hurting.
You didn't have a major slip, lapse, or whatever you want to call it. You took one pill. You didn't go on a wild binge and you should be so very, very proud of yourself that you took control, despite how you felt. It can be the hardest thing to do in the world when temptation is presented to you at the perfect time when you were in a less than strong state. I know, I've been there.
But you didn't harm yourself, or anyone else. Be proud of yourself, don't beat yourself up; you made it through!!!
Is it a condition of your therapy that if you slip you HAVE to go to a support group? I'm not advocating for a particular type of group, but you know, you don't have to go it alone. There are other people who have been through what you've been through and sometimes can help you lessen the anxiety around the addiction.
Telling him would be best, especially if you think you could slip back into the pattern. But protecting the therapy is important too.
Try not to beat yourself up over this, unless you are afraid that you're going to slip back into a destructive pattern. Then you do need help, but you already know that, but you don't have to do it alone. You don't have to be Superwoman!
antigua
Posted by Amanda29 on August 2, 2008, at 18:50:49
In reply to Re: lying to therapist., posted by antigua3 on August 2, 2008, at 18:36:05
Thank you. The thing is the Vicodin did NOTHING for me. Which is GOOD. I am just going to stick with this white lie and let it go. Because I told him that they were no longer in my posession and that I got rid of the medication...so technically I did get rid of it. (I still have the valium)but I havent taken it. I am starting on Seoroquel XR for anxiety..(it just got approved for the use of anxiety) so I will start that Monday night and my hope is that it will calm me down to where I won't be so anxiout all the time and I won't care as much. That is my goal.
When I decided that I Wasnt going to do a support group, my therapist said it was OK that support groups werent the answer for everyone..and he said that if I found myself using again I would tell him and he would help get me into some kind of group. (so ..yeah, if I told him I would be forced into a group).
I think groups are good...dont get me wrong..I just dont want any part in them. IF that makes sense.
I am going to be ok...I just need to breathe and get over my anxiety which ..living with severe anxiety and not having medication to control it..is extremely hard. I have been without since September and I have done well until now...my sister just got a bottle of Ativan for anxiety and Ativan was the first medication that I abused..and I am jealous of that..and she is afraid to use them so they are just sitting there...anyway, I started craving them and it has just gone from there.
I need to know from my therapist that he understands where I am coming from and that he understands what it feels like to crave something or to feel numb...he makes me feel like I am going to hell for having these feelings. At the same time he does care about me.
Posted by Nadezda on August 3, 2008, at 11:36:49
In reply to Re: lying to therapist. » antigua3, posted by Amanda29 on August 2, 2008, at 18:50:49
Hi, Amanda. Can I just suggest an opposing view? I think it's important to tell your T and work through the issue of his wanting you to join a group.
First of all, by keeping the secret, you open yourself up to other, secretive slips-- none of which you'll feel you can tell him, because it will open up the issue of your prior dishonesty.
Second of all, you deprive yourself of a support system, ie your therapist, who is there to help you when you make mistakes, do things you don't think are healthy etc. If you keep yourself from this help now, what will you do if you do even more destructive things? This could be relatively minor-- but how will you admit more serious problems, if you can't go to him now.
Third, he can't "force" you to go to a group. On the other hand, if he, someone you trust and whose opinion you respect (I hope), tells you that he thinks, in all truth, that you need that support-- which a group can give-- maybe you need to consider it. The fact that you're afraid even to allow him any voice on this-- suggests to me that you know, and don't like, the idea that you may need to go to a group-- which, I guess, isn't consistent with your self-image.
Fourth, what's so terrible about going to a group? why would it be so hurtful to your self-image? you have been addicted to something; there's no shame in going to a group and working to maintain your accomplishments-- with other people who are dedicated to the same thing. Don't you respect others in such a group? I would, personally-- I think it's heroic to make the effort and to go through the struggle, even if it's difficult to go.
I sense that something's really not quite right with this situation--- and I hope you don't mind my asking these questions.
Nadezda
Posted by Amanda29 on August 3, 2008, at 11:53:46
In reply to Re: lying to therapist., posted by Nadezda on August 3, 2008, at 11:36:49
"Fourth, what's so terrible about going to a group? why would it be so hurtful to your self-image? you have been addicted to something; there's no shame in going to a group and working to maintain your accomplishments-- with other people who are dedicated to the same thing. Don't you respect others in such a group? I would, personally-- I think it's heroic to make the effort and to go through the struggle, even if it's difficult to go."
I agree that there is no shame in going to a group..but my issue is that I have never been able to accept myself as one of those people. The entire time I was at rehab, I wanted to get better but I didnt see myself as one of those people, I was in denial. I did everything I was supposed to at rehab, and I went to every meeting and suppport group that was there, but I told myself that once rehab was over, that would be it.
I dont like the idea of living with this label the rest of my life. And yet I have no choice.I respect the people that go to support groupw, I think they are the strong ones and I am the weak one, but I just cannot go..I know people tell me to suck it up and just go, but that is easier said than done for me. I am afraid that just being around them would make me want to use again...hearing their stories and all would just trigger me.
I know this all sounds stupid and I probably sound like a baby but, it is really hard for me to accept the fact that I did this to myself..and it is something I will have to live with the rest of my life.I dont like talking to my psychologist about this because in his eyes, what I did was wrong (he is right) but he doesnt like talking about it. He makes me feel like I made a serious mistake and that now I have to deal with the consequences of it...(which he is right again...) but I just dont want to deal with any of it. I want him to tell me that yes I made a mistake but that I will be OK and everything will turn out OK. :)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.