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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 1:04:52
I called my T, I need an appointment. I don't even want to go to sleep ever.
My nightmare one of my prof and friends came over with this friends. I was with my family, but they hung out with us. Then when they left, they somehow got me in their car. I didn't know but they were poking me acupuncture needles with drugs. My prof. tried to have sex with me, and then I pushed him off of me. then they drug me more and a women and this other guy kept trying to have sex with me, I said no I am married..
Then they took me into this house, was doing crazy stuff, listening to crazy music, and I then realize they have been drugging me. I have pins all over me. I keep pulling them out, but they keep putting them in me.
I try to escape, there is just vagrants outside the house with dogs. the dogs start attaching me, biting me. I escape into a building, a noddle factory. The noddles are attaching me, sounds really dumb, but it was so scary. I can't get away. I keep trying and then get outside and there the friends of my prof. find me drug me and rape me.
I wake up freaked out, don't want to sleep ever tonight. I am hyperventilating. I am breathing okay now. but I am freaked.
Last night I was in a war, people shooting at me, I am shooting at them. I just want to eat the good food they are serving, but I can't, I have to run for cover all the time. my war buddies are all getting shot and die. I am hiding, then the other side finds me and puts a gun to my head and shoot me. I then wake up absolutely terrified.I just can't take it anymore, these dreams are making me feel insane.
I don't feel safe in this world.
Posted by wittgensteinz on January 27, 2009, at 3:40:34
In reply to I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 1:04:52
4S,
These dreams sound very disturbing. I know how vivid dreams can be and what an after-effect they can have once you wake up. I'm not surprised you are afraid to go to sleep.
Last year I had a time when I dreamt night after night about suicide, either myself or watching others and not being able to do anything about it. Some of the dreams were very abstract/surreal - in one I was in a school bus and we were being driven into an underground car park and the driver kept going down and down and down and never stopping and I felt like I was suffocating. I always had a very unpleasant 'dream hangover' the following day. I spoke to my pdoc about it and took Seroquel each evening for a few months. It knocks you out within about 30 minutes and helps get you through the night. It also seems to suppress the dreams. I still had dreams but not so vivid and they didn't have that aftereffect.
Do you see a pdoc? Definitely talk to your T but I would also contact your pdoc too as it can be there is a med he/she can prescribe to help you get through this. Talking about the dreams, writing them down in the first-person and analysing them can often help get to the root of their meaning - if you T does dream interpretation. If you are experiencing many dreams on a common theme, they could be indicative of something deeper. I'm guessing you already make the link between the violence and victimisation in the dreams and your traumatic childhood but perhaps they link also to similar feelings being evoked in the present, things that are triggering you in the here and now.
Witti
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 27, 2009, at 6:10:12
In reply to I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 1:04:52
I'm so sorry, SSSS. I wish I wasn't in such a brain, depression-laden fog so I could think of something more helpful. I'm thinking about you and hope you get in to see your T soon.
(((((((((SSSS)))))))))
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 8:18:16
In reply to I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 1:04:52
Well I did fall asleep, as hard as I tried not to, and not dreams.
I know my PTSD had been triggered due to something that happened in my internship at a juvnile center.
Things got out of control with this group I was working with, they were testing me because it was my first time alone with them. One kid got up and closed the door and when I asked him to open it, he wouldn't. So many thing went through my head at that moment of the bad stuff that could happen to me. I asked him again to open the door, and he wouldn't again. I felt really scared, and just walked out after the door was finally opened.
They got in a lot of trouble, in fact 2 of them were due to be released the next week, but now the release date was extended for months. The whole incident was handled very badly by my supervisor and others. They didn't even talk to me to have the full story and the kids got sanctioned. Now they are asking after the fact for information.
The kids are very angry, one is a high up member of a gang, it is scary. I feel my safety was compromised.
I have having suffocating dreams too, I keep waking up all night thinking I am sufficing.I am having dreams about being on an out of control roller coaster.
I see how all these dreams could be something about the preset and the past. These dreams seem worst than any real abuse that has happened to me.
Posted by wittgensteinz on January 27, 2009, at 8:57:21
In reply to Re: I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 8:18:16
I'm glad you got some sleep in the end.
This incident at the juvenile centre does sound very frightening. I'm surprised you were left alone with them - that in itself seems inappropriate. Please make sure you do what you need to keep yourself safe while working in this setting. Is it a placement as part of your studies or is it employment? Have you been prepared/trained sufficiently to handle these situations - is there no protocol to stop these kinds of things happening? Please talk to your superviser. Keep yourself safe. It's good you got out when you sensed danger but I hope you don't have to face that again.
Witti
Posted by Phillipa on January 27, 2009, at 12:48:51
In reply to Re: I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 8:18:16
Just my take on dreams when under stress have bad dreams or nightmares. Love Phillipa
Posted by raisinb on January 27, 2009, at 13:08:33
In reply to I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 1:04:52
SSSS, I am so sorry. Those nightmares are horrible. Please try and take care of yourself. Can you take something for the anxiety? Can you get an extra therapy appointment, just to feel like someone is there trying to keep you safe?
Posted by Sigismund on January 27, 2009, at 16:10:17
In reply to I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 1:04:52
Last night I dreamed that we had an extra daughter, whose body had to be detached and frozen, leaving just the head which we kept in a drawer. I was wondering if she was hungry or if she wanted to meet the guests from whom I had retreated into sleep (interpret that!). Her head had no hair and I kissed it, and the skin wrinkled in pleasure.
I'm exhausted.
Safe?
What is safe?
History books?
Posted by rskontos on January 27, 2009, at 17:37:00
In reply to Re: I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by Sigismund on January 27, 2009, at 16:10:17
SSSS,
my take is that your work is making you feel unsafe IRL just like you felt when you were a child with your mother and dredging up all those same feelings and they are coming out in your dreams. Perhaps the prof represents someone you think might be a safe person and yet you dreamt his friends hurt you.
I think you might need your p-doc to give you something to help sleep. I am not sure you can stop your work at the juvenile center.
I can relate because I just recently took a new job and it has caused me to start severely dissociating like I have not since I was a kid. I am clueless as to why I am dissociating this badly since the job I did not think was a threat but obviously to some of us it is. All this is so hard isn't it?
Do all you can to make yourself feel safe inside and outside.
Your work sounds stressful and that is manifesting itself in your dreams. I truly believe you need outside help with T and p-doc.take care,
rsk
Posted by sharon7 on January 27, 2009, at 21:50:43
In reply to I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 1:04:52
I hope you don't have any bad dreams tonight, SSSS. I just prayed. - Sharon
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 22:08:48
In reply to Re: I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by sharon7 on January 27, 2009, at 21:50:43
Thanks so much everyone, I am just feeling really overwhelmed at the moment and I can't respond to everyone individually. I don't feel safe here even, and I promised my T I wouldn't post again here. She didn't have an opening today or tomorrow, I wrote her an email of my dreams.
But for the first time in my life I am really dissociating crap and that in itself scares the hell out of me. I feel so "not there" and it is frickin scary. I felt myself fading while driving. I am think I am going insane, I am not okay. I feel out of control.
I feel like I have to keep busy or I will start to freak out about my dreams or freak out my "not there" feeling. I am so scared.
Posted by sharon7 on January 28, 2009, at 21:49:00
In reply to Re: I need help, I am so scared, My dreams, Triggers, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on January 27, 2009, at 22:08:48
Hey SSSS. How was your day? Any improvement at all? Did you get any indication when you would be able to get in to see the therapist?
Just thinking about you and hoping today was a good day and tonight is a good night. That you'll sleep with NO DREAMS! (not even good ones. none.) just peaceful sound rest and lots of it.
Good night. (o:
Sharon
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