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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rskontos on June 29, 2009, at 16:51:14
It has been several sessions I leave thinking what a complete waste of time. When have you had enough. I mean when do you know done is done.
I don't think I have the energy or nerve to find another although one has been recommended by my neuro.
I don't think therapy is going to make a non-misfit of me. That is how I feel after i interact with people. A complete misfit.
I am sad. Tired of having to keep it altogether when all is not together inside my head.
I am having nightmares but can't remember them to tell anyone.
I am having panic attacks and I guess the only reason right now to go back to t is he is my p-doc and prescribes my panic attack meds. My anxiety is super high.
It sucks because I feel like I am stuck in a vaccuum.
Ånd I dissociated today having my teeth cleaned. WTF is that? I cam e home and was screaming inside my head and shaking all over. And of course I had to try and get through the rest of the exam etc and act "normal". My anxiety is through the roof.
I am not sleeping well either. SEveral nights last week I did not go to sleep under 7 am. Told p-doc and nothing. He just looked puzzled. Maybe it is just the hot middle of the summer and he isn't on his game and I never professed to having game.
Sorry I am a complete mess and have been for weeks and I am tired of having to try and hang in there.
I told p-doc this and I can't even remember what he said. Probably wasn't anything.
I want a rock to crawl under and never come out.
rsk
Posted by antigua3 on June 29, 2009, at 17:06:39
In reply to I think I am bored with therapy and so is t, posted by rskontos on June 29, 2009, at 16:51:14
Maybe things are trying to come out and you can't let them yet? Seems like you have a lot of triggers hitting you all at once.
Would you be running from your T? Or could you explore all these heightened/disassociated feelings you are having?
I usually discover that when I think "Enough is enough," I'm either denying something important or something is about to hit.
Sorry you've suffering, especially about the sleep, but it seems to be another warning sign to me.
Please take care,
antigua
Posted by rskontos on June 29, 2009, at 18:57:26
In reply to Re: I think I am bored with therapy and so is t » rskontos, posted by antigua3 on June 29, 2009, at 17:06:39
I haven't thought about that things might be trying to come out and I can't let them. I avoid going to bed because of my dreams, which again I don't remember them necessarily, just the bad feelings.
How do you explore heightened/dissociative feelings when you don't know why you dissociated or learn to survive doing that because you dissociated. I don't know what is making the dissociation and anxiety at an all time high. I mean I do but I don't if that makes sense. I know dissociation at my extreme level is due to abuse/trauma but I can't fr*gg*ng remember it. I can remember how it felt but not visually. Just physically do I have the somatic memories.
I know I worked hard to stop the flashbacks and memories when they were surfacing earlier. Now the faces I seen in my flashbacks I don't know who they are, just that I am terrified.
Thanks, I know how hard it was for you to answer. I appreciate it.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on June 29, 2009, at 19:00:13
In reply to Re: I think I am bored with therapy and so is t » antigua3, posted by rskontos on June 29, 2009, at 18:57:26
maybe I am frustrated, sad, depressed, anxious and I feel stuck.
I don't know. I just plain feel like a misfit. Too many social things lately left me feeling like I don't belong.
Or I am feeling extremely sorry for myself.
ugg I can't stand myself right now.
It would seem like maybe one day a week for several hours I feel ok, then back to the dark pit I must hide from all but you guys.
rsk
Posted by antigua3 on June 29, 2009, at 19:19:11
In reply to Re:Well maybe bored is the wrong word, posted by rskontos on June 29, 2009, at 19:00:13
Just keep posting. Babblers are incredibly helpful in sorting out these feelings.
antigua
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2009, at 22:16:42
In reply to Re:Well maybe bored is the wrong word, posted by rskontos on June 29, 2009, at 19:00:13
Dissociative can feel disconnected, and disconnected can feel bored. Maybe you can focus on managing the anxiety and feeling connected, so that your brain doesn't need to dissociate?
Have you talked to your therapist about your feelings?
Posted by rskontos on July 1, 2009, at 12:15:33
In reply to Re:Well maybe bored is the wrong word » rskontos, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2009, at 22:16:42
Dinah
I tried. But I couldn't really express how I feel. I cried. I hate to cry. Well really I teared up and then embraced the disconnection so I would stop crying.
You make so much sense. Disconnected can feel bored now that you mention it.
I tried yesterday by exercising and today I feel still just weird.
Thanks for the thoughtful response.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on July 1, 2009, at 12:31:30
In reply to Re:Well maybe bored is the wrong word » Dinah, posted by rskontos on July 1, 2009, at 12:15:33
I think I need to stop posting on others threads because I am just so blah.
I will return when I can be more supportive in a positive way.
take care all.
rsk
Posted by muffled on July 1, 2009, at 14:01:41
In reply to I think I am bored with therapy and so is t, posted by rskontos on June 29, 2009, at 16:51:14
RSK, parts stuff is incredibly slow.
Are you working on mapping and stuff?
Trying to sort them out at all?
That would be useful if you could....
Sorry you feeling bad right now.
I don't fit in either, but now I am realizing I don't actually REALLY want to. I am more of a loner anyhow.
Take care,
Ones
Posted by rskontos on July 1, 2009, at 17:35:25
In reply to Re: I think I am bored with therapy and so is t, posted by muffled on July 1, 2009, at 14:01:41
Yeah,
it does depend on who is around. Sometimes I think everyone is around wanting time and that is hard.
thanks
r
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