![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Doo on May 18, 2001, at 23:55:17
Hello out there,
just want to tell you how hard it is for me to take decisions... I have to decide where I'm gonna be living for the next year. I feal so lost, I don't know what to do, I know noone can tell me what to do, but I'm so lost, I have trouble finding what are MY needs, and what are the expectations of others. I'm scared I'll deceive some poeple too. All this takes a huge proportion, my feelings become violent and I become suicidal. Other ones like me out there?
Doo, having a hard time.
Posted by sar on May 19, 2001, at 1:07:07
In reply to decisions to take, posted by Doo on May 18, 2001, at 23:55:17
Hey Doo,
I hear you. I've been thinking lately that figuring out *my* needs will help me figure out the needs of others--if you know something about yourself, it is easier to recognize in others. What are your needs? Are you expressing yourself clearly to others?
You wrote that yr scared you'll deceive some people...in what way? I think I understand, depression can be so self-absorbing that it's difficult to understand the impact yr actions have on other people...that's the way I feel about myself, anyway, but only in the aftermath of a long depressive episode! I had no idea what I was doing at the time...I think, Doo, that if yr aware are the possibility of deceiving people and frightened by it, yr less likely to do it. I truly did not believe that I had the capacity to hurt others, even w/ the evidence served to me on silver platter. (I still don't really believe it.)Violent & suicidal urges are natural. I don't know that it's healthy to dwell on them but hey, at least yr not represst. :) I once had a dream that I was punching a good friend in the face and stomach really hard 'cos I was so angry at her...interpreting that dream helped me to be *reasonably* angry with her in real life, no violence involved...I never fight physically, but I relished the image in my head of how hard I hit her. (I'm a pacifist at heart, I aint got no muscles, I'm telling you this 'cos I don't want you to think that I'm actively violent, people call me "gentle" etc--what I'm telling you is visualization of violent feelings can be healthy.)
I dont know where I'm gonna live next year either! or even this summer!
yr fellow gypsy chile,
sar
Posted by kazoo on May 20, 2001, at 1:33:51
In reply to decisions to take, posted by Doo on May 18, 2001, at 23:55:17
> Hello out there,
>
> just want to tell you how hard it is for me to take decisions... I have to decide where I'm gonna be living for the next year. I feal so lost, I don't know what to do, I know noone can tell me what to do, but I'm so lost, I have trouble finding what are MY needs, and what are the expectations of others. I'm scared I'll deceive some poeple too. All this takes a huge proportion, my feelings become violent and I become suicidal. Other ones like me out there?
>
> Doo, having a hard time.^^^^^^^^^
Dear Doo:If you feel you are incapable of making decisions for yourself at this time, then have someone else make them for you, it's as simple as that.
Do you have family? If so, go to them and seek their help and advice. You can't go wrong with family.
If you have no family, then go to Social Services in your area and have them help you. That's what they are there for, and they are professionals at what they do. They will help you.
You do not want to resort to acts of violence against others or yourself no matter what the circumstances are, or how badly you feel. Those methods are not just counter-productive, but non-productive, and you'll gain nothing by doing either. If, however, you feel you cannot help yourself from doing something terrible, go to the local ER of any hospital and talk to someone, no matter what time of day. Hospital personnel will contact or put you in touch with people at Social Services.
If you are sincere in your efforts, you need not be scared nor worried about deceiving anyone.
As far as "Other ones like me out there?", we're all like you, in one way or another. You are not alone.
You will "find" yourself. Just give yourself a chance.
God-speed to you, Doo
kazoo
Posted by Doo on May 20, 2001, at 10:12:33
In reply to Re: decisions to take or to make ... » Doo, posted by kazoo on May 20, 2001, at 1:33:51
Hi kazoo,
> Dear Doo:
>
> If you feel you are incapable of making decisions for yourself at this time, then have someone else make them for you, it's as simple as that.I don't think I could do that! It wouldn't be so useful antway, since the big part in taking the decision is that I must 'renounce' some things, let them go away. If someone takes the decision for me, the difficulty remains...
Anyway, I don't take advice easily. I do feel the need, though, to express what my difficulties are. It helps me to clarify things in my mind and then, make a choice, act.
> As far as "Other ones like me out there?", we're all like you, in one way or another. You are not alone.
>
> You will "find" yourself. Just give yourself a chance.
>
> God-speed to you, Doo
>
> kazooThank's kazoo, it's so good to hear I'm not alone.
Read you later an thank's for your post,
Doo
Posted by Doo on May 20, 2001, at 10:32:22
In reply to Re: decisions to take or to make ... » kazoo, posted by Doo on May 20, 2001, at 10:12:33
Do we say to make or to take? (I'm french-speaking, and in french we say prendre une decision... take a decision.)
See ya,
Doo
Posted by mila on May 20, 2001, at 11:03:15
In reply to oops..., posted by Doo on May 20, 2001, at 10:32:22
hi Doo,
there is a difference between 'prendre une decision' et 'decider'. Language actually reflects rather specifically where your difficulty recides. If your difficulty is with 'deciding' (decider) then you most likely lack information. If your difficulty is with 'prendre cette decision' this means that you have already decided (the decision itself is clear), but procrastinate with acting on it for some reason.
mila
Posted by Doo on May 22, 2001, at 12:03:22
In reply to Re:decider vs decision, posted by mila on May 20, 2001, at 11:03:15
Hello mila,
my difficulty is that even if I have all the info, it's as if all of that keeps going all directions in my head and I can't "feel" what is better for me. So I tell myself that I have to choose one or the other and adjust myself if it's not okay. But then it's the same question: which one to try? And it sometimes goes very violent in my head. It sucks.
Doo
> hi Doo,
>
> there is a difference between 'prendre une decision' et 'decider'. Language actually reflects rather specifically where your difficulty recides. If your difficulty is with 'deciding' (decider) then you most likely lack information. If your difficulty is with 'prendre cette decision' this means that you have already decided (the decision itself is clear), but procrastinate with acting on it for some reason.
>
> mila
Posted by mila on May 22, 2001, at 17:36:50
In reply to Re:decider vs decision, posted by Doo on May 22, 2001, at 12:03:22
hi Doo,
sounds like anxiety to me. really difficult state of mind to manage, everything feels more like an excess than lack of data. Maybe you could try to reduce all this whirlpool of information to only two options/categories of some kind, a bottomline dichotomy of some sort, and see which one appears on your left and which one on your right side (in your mind's eye). I usually go with that which is on the left , even if I do not feel like it at the moment (I am a right-handed person)- my unconscious always wins:)
best
mila
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.