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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Impermanence on August 11, 2006, at 1:03:14
My tongue, lips and nose go numb just thinking about the stuff. I've been clean from coke, weed and prescribed diazepam (other drugs too but I only care about those three) for a couple of months now, it was hell but I got myself through it somehow. I'm a binge drinking type of alcoholic / drug addict that has been battling for ten years now. I used to come here last year and the year before, I was getting better and in a way I am, I'm no longer on (non benzo) pharmaceutical poison or feel depressed anymore but I've never stopped drinking or falling back on my chemical friends. A couple of months ago 'for example' during 10 weeks I spent E4,000 on cocaine, e and weed. I really miss weed, I really do life is so boring without a spliff. I also find it very hard to go outside with my prescribed diazepam (which again I came off by my own choice and was BLOODY THOUGH). But that was then, what stuck was I CRAVE cocaine so badly, like no other. All I have to do is make one phone call and I have as much as I can afford delivered to my door right now, and I can afford plenty. Every night I dream about the stuff, every day is a battle for a distraction. I feel a hunger like a monster in my chest, I'm like a beast when I think of the stuff. I don't know how long I can hold off, it's getting really boring now, so is being afraid, which is why I wonder why I'm not going back on diazepam. I guess I was on a high after my last proper cold turkey, as always, just gave it all up like some magic bastard. I'm drinking tonight, my old pal brandy, two weeks ago I had such severe alcohol withdrawals I was hearing voices in my head for three days, it was horrific, but here I am drinking, only to stop me buying cocaine though. I'm so bored with life yet have so much to give, Meh, it means nothing, I just wanna get f*cked. I hate being this way but I can't feel, I can't feel full stop. I'm dead inside, an empty shell. But hay, God is with us all, yeah.
Posted by working on August 11, 2006, at 13:15:13
In reply to I CRAVE COCAINE, posted by Impermanence on August 11, 2006, at 1:03:14
stay strong- you can get thru today without using coke. just a feeling i have.
Posted by llrrrpp on August 12, 2006, at 17:45:37
In reply to Re: I CRAVE COCAINE, posted by working on August 11, 2006, at 13:15:13
I think you can get through it too. Are you seeing a therapist? He/She can give you some hints on ways to distract yourself from cravings, and may help you identify things in your environment that lead you to abuse.
see? in the last 20 seconds it took you to read my dumb response you did okay, right?
-ll
Posted by GatorGirl on October 9, 2006, at 7:36:23
In reply to I CRAVE COCAINE, posted by Impermanence on August 11, 2006, at 1:03:14
You can do it. I suffer from alcoholism and sometimes I have to tell myself as long as I don't leave the bed I'll be okay. It's a rough road, but one that most people do not see. I personally believe addicts are the strongest willed people. Because any "normal" person says how much nonsense this is. Do you attend any 12 step meetings? I follow some AA culture, but in the past it has helped to get on the internet or to a face to face meeting just to get me out of my head -- and the people there (most likely) are aware of how you feel, they've been there.
I also wanted to say, burn the number of your dealer -- that person needs to be out of your life immediately. Also, walk yourself through each high (mentally) -- "so the coke is delivered and then I do this and that" -- you could even role play it and pretend -- just to get your mind off perseverating on it.
You can do it! You've made it before. And, you are aware of your problem and cared enough to post here. That's a great sign and dedication. Thinking of you!
This is the end of the thread.
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