Posted by Kath on July 5, 2000, at 13:33:59
In reply to Re: Nice weekend; yucky home-coming - help, posted by noa on July 5, 2000, at 13:05:07
> Wow. You are dealing with a rough situation.
>
> It sounds like you are being reasonable.
>
> Are there inpatient detox/drug rehab places you could commit him to, or require him to be in in order to consider returning home?...........You know, that's an idea. In March, when he turned 16 & we no longer legally had to provide him with shelter, we said that while we perceived him to have a drug problem, he could live in our home only if he was in drug treatment. We then gave him a list of 6 places. Some were residential abstinence-based. He chose a day-treatment school/substance abuse program, which is more "harm-reduction" based. We felt it dealt with his school-related problems as well, and that since he didn't want to stop using, it might help him to see if he could cut back & get it under control (occasional use perhaps). He went there reluctantly (doesn't want to get a job & move out). The only reason he went there was so he could keep living here. I think he's a bit scared of where he's heading, but still is in a smoking-up daily life-style. Maybe this time, we might look at the requirement for living here to be that he attended an abstinence-based program. I did alot of research into what programs are available, and they seem to require that the person WANTS to be there. At this point, my son doesn't, but he doesn't yet know that he's not going to be able to live here as things now stand. Regarding his drug use, I think he has to "hit bottom" (different for everybody) and maybe not being allowed on our property will be bottom for him. Thanks for this suggestion, it gives me something to consider.
> What kind of school does he go to, and are there people there that could give you support around this?
.............Yes, although his day-treatment is finished 'til the Fall, I am in touch with his workers there, and will be having a "phone-meeting" with the family counsillor (sp?) there this aft. I've got friends who are good supports too, but this is a big deal for me, so I thought I'd mention it here as well.
> Dealing with this in a boundary-setting and boundary-protecting manner makes sense. You are handling it reasonably, sanely. You aren't flying into a rage, or retaliating against him as a person. Like you said, trust requires building.
...........Thanks for your support!! Feels good.
How are you doing? I really don't get time to read all the posts, so sometimes don't know how people are. Hope you're okay.Kath
poster:Kath
thread:39446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39457.html