Posted by IsoM on January 22, 2002, at 17:47:04
In reply to Re: The musical meds merry-go-round (looong) » SLS, posted by medlib on January 22, 2002, at 4:55:07
Medlib! ...and to me your story sounds like mine "except"... I know I'm not manic, but my highs on ADHD does seem manic to others at times. My doctor has looked side-ways at me a few times & asked if I felt manic. I'd laugh & say I could understand why but this is a 'normal' mood for me. If I'm happy, I'm hyper. I hope as the adrafinil settles into my system again (I finally got my order on Friday), I'll not act so squirrely.
You're fascinated by words??? Please say yes. I love words - such playthings. One son said he wished he could get a degree in etymology & just teach & research words. I keep my big, thick dictionary beside me always.
I really dislike being labeled with 'this or that' but sometimes it does help in understanding a person's condition. What have you got? Bipolar and/or? I know my hypomania isn't real as I never leave the ground, I'm always still grounded & will tire out later in the day. When night comes, I can sleep lots too.
Your comment "I won't have to worry about tripping over stray factoids; they will have joined my short-term memory in Never-Never Land." is like me. I have people say 'oh, we all get forgetful' but not like I do. I swear somedays I spend 1/3 of my time wandering about looking for things I either placed in a safe sensible spot (which never comes to mind) or just misplaced a minute or two ago with no idea where I put it down. My sons have said so many times "But I just explained that to you" or "But I checked with you & you said yes".
Short-term memory? What's that. Same with working memory. In order to think some things through, one needs to keep a list of ideas in their mind. But by the time I'm trying to think out the fourth thing, my mind's chucked out thought #1 to make room for thought #4. It becomes impossible to think something through at times. Thank goodness, adrafinil gives me more brain RAM. Like getting a whole new hard-drive & fast CPU! (Now if I could only get a 'search' feature).
Dexedrine can sometimes put me to sleep too, sometimes wakes me up. It seems that if I'm so sleepy that I go to bed before the Dex really kicks in, I'll sleep through it all. If I can force myself to keep going, when the Dex does kick in, I'll wake up most times. No longer using it since I have adrafinil. Adrafinil works better, longer-term & much, much smoother. Still can sleep easily at night too. Ritalin was just too up & down for me. When the dose wore off, I'd be so sleepy again, in a matter of minutes.
You also said "The truth is, I've been so very different from others all of my life that it's difficult to know what of my behavior is a "mental illness" and what's just me."
I used to sit outside at night as a teenager & look at the stars wondering which star was home & why I got left here. Seriously.
I know better now & while I'm glad my mind's working well again, I have sometimes felt very alone. I've never met a friend (as dear as my friends are to me) who had the unusual interests in so many things as I do. And people tend to get boring & tedious as they become adults. They've totally how to be children & what it feels like. It's so sad.Anyways, I've blithered on endlessly now & Dr. Bob's probably going to find a hacker to get into my computer to disable it just to shut me up. (just kidding.) But I'm curious to know more about your diagnoses & your interests.
JudyJust a little extra.
I never, ever would've thought of myself as impulsive. Like you, I tend to run out of things. I've never bought anything impulsively in my life that I remember. But impulsiveness can show in different ways. I tend to get very enthusiastic about something & have a strong tendency to blurt out what's on my mind (not nasty stuff - just getting real involved & wanting to sound out my ideas too). That's impulsiveness too. It's taken a lot of self-control, maturity, & SSRIs to temper that impulse. I've gotten much better but will still forget myself in a group sometimes. I surprise people often but very few are offended, I guess 'cause I don't say mean things, just weird stuff.(Wheww!) Just a little extra?
Really, this isn't hypomania. :)
poster:IsoM
thread:90736
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020116/msgs/91132.html