Posted by PsychoSage on March 20, 2004, at 3:40:04
In reply to Re: I've Made A Mess of My Life, posted by SummerSanders on March 19, 2004, at 16:36:04
> I hear you. Please get some help, it will pass.
Are you the real summersanders?
Sandyweb,
Don't fret. Maybe you need some buddhism or something to get you off your false ego trip. I imagine you've had a rough time, but join the club. Self-loathing is just the polar opposite of grandiosity. I'm not criticizing you as much as wanting to point out something I find valuable to remember because I identify with your first post. You have to carry your scars and failures for the sake of others and yourself. Actually, you can't extricate yourself from the lives of others and make believe you are something terrible on your own.
One thing I have learned is that if you hate parts of yourself but then generalize your negative aspects or shortcomings then you quietly hate all people with your same shortcomings, failures and defects. Even if you think you just judge yourself, that is not entirely true. You can't generalize hate/self-hate otherwise you reject so many people who you would not entirely reject. You reject yourself, then you reject others. It's weird, but it's true.
This self-loathing/punishment thing is tricky. You thing you deserve it, but even if you were trying to do other people a favor by beating yourself up and thinking you should just end it all you are hating them and hurting them.
Imagine if your kids had a favorite dog, and someone stole it and beat the poop out of it. Well, you are probably the favorite dog or at least something your friends and family are very accustomed to. You need not hurt them by going mental about being mental.
You are not going to be validated for making up for the past. You just have what you can do now. No matter how much you do there will be more to do, and your failures will always be in place in the past. Learn to breathe with them and make friends with your ghosts and the demons torturing you. You can't annihilate your crummy past or present. That is life. Of course there will be better times when you are not thinking about th bad so much, but we all carry our bad records around with us.
I hope I am getting my point across.
It's not any more considerate and loving when you hurt something/someone {yourself} that other people care about.
Bottom line is that when you hate yourself you hate others.
poster:PsychoSage
thread:326123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040319/msgs/326352.html