Posted by mattsit on June 15, 2004, at 7:20:40
Here's my story. I am back on Lexapro after going off it back in January on my own. Here's what caused my recent flare up of anxiety, fear, guilt. I am recently married, and my past is coming back to haunt me. During my engagement, I talked with an exgirlfriend. Why did I talk to her? Well, part of me was probably testing myself, and the rest of me is like this...I met my wife while dating this girl, and dropped her cold turkey. I always felt bad. 4 Years later, I still feel bad about the way I left her. Part of me feels I wronged this girl, and crushed her heart. Ive talked to her the past few days, and she says she is fine, over me, doesnt want me baack, and I need to move on. What's bothering me, is last summer, while engaged, the ex and I talked a bit. She sent me some questionable photos which ive deleted a long time ago. She gave me some phone sex which i feel god awful about. Its not even that I was into this girl last summer, just into the phone sex like watching a porn...you dont like the people in it, you just like the idea of it. I guess I used my ex basically? Anyway, Im afriad my wife will find out about last summers activities.
I cant tell her about it....being newly married, i already told her a little about wha the ex and i did last summer...meeting up, and besides a little touching, nothing happened. I couldnt let it...i didnt want it, it was the wrong thing for me. The wife was of course deeply hurt, and cant understand why I would have done this...i cant understand completely either, and my guilt is overbearing my life. I cant think of anything but this nagging situation. I talked to the ex and she said she would never mention anything we did, and considers what we did only hanging out, and nothing wrong. I think I can trust ehr that she wont say anything, but still it scares me. I dont want to lose my wife. Advice? Should I let it go and move on with my life? The past is the past and cant be changed, but i seem to be dwelling on it.
poster:mattsit
thread:356826
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040614/msgs/356826.html