Posted by barbaracat on December 8, 2004, at 15:45:48
In reply to Re: Remeron pooping out - Maybe Bipolar II, posted by DoubtingAlex on December 8, 2004, at 15:08:05
That is wonderful, Alex. Let's hope that this new found strength, clarity and purpose continues. It absolutely should, and it does function effortlessly in a healthy functioning psyche. There is a call to health, an inner call to rise above pain and stasis that is heard and followed more clearly in a mind not clouded by the fear, despair and fatigue of depression.
I like your musings in the evening as well, like a reintegration of what you experienced in your day. I have a suggestion that has helped me greatly, and that is keeping a journal. Just writing down whatever comes to me. I use it as a best friend, a therapist, a sounding board when I'm upset, a place to sort out feelings. It's truly become the best therapist and wise friend I could want. But I've been using it differently lately since I've been feeling a bit better emotionally. I've been noting down all the times I have risen up out of despair or darkness, many times on my own steam. I've hiked myself out of bad situations, I've put myself through college, I've survived a terribly abusive childhood and still yearn to create peace instead of more abuse, I've taught myself many skills, all because I answered that inner call to be better, to rise above that muck of depression. It took determination and risk, but the call was stronger than the paralysis. Many times I had to wait until a med kicked in to help me beyond the paralysis, but then the spark of Life became stronger than the darkness. I have a feeling this is what you're experiencing, and what a feeling, huh? Not drugged, just clear.
It's a great exercise to remember your amazing successes, your climbing out of the pit in so many ways, big and small, it leaves you feeling strong and hopeful and with a sense of believing in yourself. You've done amzing things many times and will do them again. So often we forget these good things about ourselves.
I wish you luck. If things start pooping, well, then you just explore with the meds some more. I think this experience is enough to tell you that there is hope. Meds are not the end-all answer, at least for me, but they do help you recircuit and remember what it's supposed to be like. Once you've experienced it, you know how it feels and can get it again. My best wishes and hopes are with you. - Barbara
> I added just 25mg of Zoloft to my 15-22 mg of Remeron and I believe it brought to me such a boost in emotions and in the period of no more than few hours. Like if I would strike my depression with a balanced spear right in the heart heart. I feel very stable, deep-minded and don't question myself why something essential is missing nor do I feel sensless and numb, I feel a satisfaction inside of me. Yesterday when I came back from my work, I layed down to my bed just from a great need to listen to and shape my thoughts with emotions. I must state that I don't feel mania or hypomania, my thoughts don't race, I'.m not agitated or hyoeractive. I am just calmed down and see everything in different perspective with all the limitations that are put in someone's life, But strangelly I feel intellectually strong. And when I went just for a walk three days ago in the late evening, I felt determined, my step was firm, not somewhat uncertain and weak like I always felt. This firmness trully came from inside of me and I could feel it. I really felt as if "I know where I'm going" in my life and didn't care for all those to whom I felt like crip when compared to.
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> Yet, I want to say something completelly different from what I'm saying, but am unable to express it. I know how devastating depression was and how my life was ruined because of it, but yet don't feel as if I lost a part of my life.
> Now in the evenings when I shape my thoughts with feelings... - just don't know how to say this, everything is taking some form and I feel great about it.
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poster:barbaracat
thread:422954
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041206/msgs/426268.html