Posted by jealibeanz on September 1, 2006, at 8:26:27
In reply to Tomorrow Part 1, posted by jealibeanz on September 1, 2006, at 8:03:13
I don't plan on going back to school. I can't get through it if I feel like this. Plus, I'm not sure it's what I truely want anymore.
I'm hoping HE makes my life a little easier and follows up on my complaint of depression from our last appointment, and the obvious indication from how I've described the last few weeks.
So, right, I'm not happier. It's not just since the Straterra experiments, I've been struggling with little ups and downs for the past year. The only things that help are exercise to some extent (but I'm just too tired to be consistent right now. Also, I've grown to hate working out, which is soo abnormal for me), and coffee to a larger extent. It's a major mood booster for me, but still I don't drink much because I'd have to drink coffee non-stop to be helped.
The Effexor did help, but I hated the extreme apathy. I didn't want to take it anymore because I felt that I'd rather feel horrible than feel nothing at all. Funny, it's easy to say that at the time when you aren't feeling anything.
I haven't the general feeling that I just don't like any reuptake inhibitor. While the meds I've taken are all very different (Paxil, Wellbutrin, Effexor), they all caused the apathy and weight gain which I don't want to go through again... So, I really don't think I want an SSRI.
At this point I could:
1. Ask if there's been any new antidepressants released.
2. Tell him I'd heard about EMSAM in class and ask him what he thinks about it.
3. Tell him I've read about EMSAM in my texts.
4. Agree that I hate AD's (in most GP's mind, that only includes SSRI/SNRI's) and don't want one. Pretend that I'm OK with the way things are going, dropping out of school, waiting things out. Hopefully walking out with a script for a sleeping med and nothing else. This really is the most likely one because I'm feeling tired and wimpy right now.
Ahh... I'm afraid I'll just get upset and cry and forget everything. The intelligent and informed part of me could get a lot out of this appointment tomorrow. The emotional part just might breakdown and be helpless.
poster:jealibeanz
thread:681286
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060901/msgs/681997.html