Posted by iforgotmypassword on April 16, 2008, at 14:28:55
In reply to Re: how long until you noticed effect from amantad » iforgotmypassword, posted by SLS on April 16, 2008, at 5:07:03
feel completely stuck and stiff, markedly even more so, blinking hard repeatedly again, now i'm getting distracted and losing people today. went home, took day off from the programme.
i cut short my strattera trial (15 days) as it would be another 140 dollars and i didn't expect much change from original response, which, although it was beneficial, no functional benefit. i felt much happier tho, as i felt i could see a lot more in my field of view visually and that i was a lot more present, oriented, and seeing things in that sense. it hinted it could have helped my creativity a lot, and i could literally see photographs i would take if i could hold tasks together, aim, and execute them. not a feeling i have had in a very very long time. (the feeling that i see and want to take a picture creatively) again tho, still no functional benefit. bottom line is that i am in an employment programme that ends in weeks, i have little time to try and not blow it but that's exactly what i am doing.
i'll write more later. i'm writing in short bursts when i am lucky and find myself typing along. i had another one that was too long and the burst overelaborated, unusable. i can talk a lot, that's all i can do. a neuroscience book a social worker/academic counsellor at carleton ~2 years ago said people with frontal lobe lesions "can talk a good game about doing things, but fail whenever faced with actually doing anything they can describe" (i cannot remember *exact* quote, partly paraphrased) i don't have frontal lobe lesions, but i relate very strongly with that. in fact i did tremendously when i read it, repeated it a lot, got and carried photocopies, but it got nowhere with any professional, they can play supportive and passionate, but it is just beyond what their fields care about. in the end it's as if most people around like to live by that idiotic bromide "no one can help someone who doesn't help themselves" or related dismissive stupidity, while thoughtlessly never facing how extremely right-wing the attitude is.
and rocks aren't patient. rocks are rocks. i think used figuratively you can be flexible. no one would say they felt like a rock if they weren't unhappy with the state.
sorry if the post is a mess.
poster:iforgotmypassword
thread:823549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080412/msgs/823620.html