Posted by StillHopefull on May 17, 2010, at 19:40:48
Well, you have all read my post regarding my long time battle with depression and finally getting all those drugs out of my system. And I thank you for the information and support.
Now it comes down to this decision. I think I need to take meds. And just that thought depresses me. But I can't go on like this. The apathy, the guilt, having to force myself out of bed just to do the bare minimum.
I look back and can remember a better way to live. Yes I was medicated, but I was functioning. And yes, going through the med trials and the side effects, and the weeks of feeling terrible while giving the meds enough time to work... All terribly depressing.
But I remember being able to go to work, and fixing a meal for my family at night, and working on my little projects, and actually enjoying the accomplishment. That's what I want back.
So even if the meds only work for 2 or 3 years and then I have to go through this whole thing again, aren't those 2 or 3 good years are worth it? I think they are.
I know I became severely depressed when my meds pooped out this past September. I just thought I would see what happened without meds in my system. Well, now I know. I have been completely drug free for 3 three full months and I continue to feel like dog poop. How much longer do I give it?
And where do I go from here? How do I find a good pdoc? I moved from Texas to Seattle and I don't even know where to start looking. My old pdoc in Texas recommended someone up here, and I went to him for awhile. Then as my meds pooped out and the depression grabbed hold of me, I missed two appointments. And the new doc fired me! Can you believe it? He actually sent me a letter saying he couldn't be my doctor anymore. I do feel bad for missing the appointments. I called after missing the first one and rescheduled - but then I missed that one too. In 20 years I've only had 3 pdocs - the first one retired, the second one was super but I moved across the county, and the third one fires me. And this was the only time in 20 years I've missed an appointment.
So now that I'm resigned to go back on the meds, I need to find an expert in the Seattle area. Can anyone refer me to a good pdoc, or even a resource to help me find one on my own?
And any insight on my battle with the depression would be greatly appreciated too.
Thanks!
poster:StillHopefull
thread:947741
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100514/msgs/947741.html