Posted by linkadge on May 8, 2005, at 5:11:23
In reply to Parnate, PEA bizarre thoughts » linkadge, posted by Sarah T. on May 8, 2005, at 0:19:35
Wow!!!! that is really interesting that you, and people you know had a similar reaction.
I think it has to do with parnate's enormously powerful dopaminergic activity.
It is a strong MAO-B inhibitor, AND it is also a powerful stimulant.
I can only describe this drug as being DEEP.
It is probably VERY active in the lower brainstem.I call it a very powerful antidepressant because it sure got my mind off wanting to die. Infact, it was almost this insane desire to live that made me psycotic.
All of a sudden it came into my mind that I the only way I could rid myself of this "god pointing the finger at me" was to live an exceedingly pure life. I had *NO ABILITY* to excuse myself of the wrong things I had done. It was like I jumped into this world of HYPER-REALITY. Coming from a dancy pracny SSRI world, this was an enormous transition.
SSRI's make you kind of feel that everything is subjective, and kind of artificial. You know that feeling that right and wrong is just in the way you look at it.
But on Parnate. Boy, everything was REAL AS HELL.
Right and wrong was as clear as black and white. There was NO middle ground.There was a sincerity to everything. You couldn't shrug off the words of the minister at church. If you saw a commercial on TV for starving kids in africa - you HAD to do someting about it - if you didn't, the rest of your life would HALT. I was afraid that people would find out about my past, although I wasn't quite sure what it was that I had done so wrong. It was very SCARRY. There is even a part of me now that has a hard time chalking the experience up to a drug. The kind of drug that leaves you in some ways begging to be on antipsychotics and lithium for the rest of your natural life. YOu know, begging for apathy.
I would have liked to have stayed on a lower dose with perhaps a bit of zyprexa. Because asside from it putting me on the brink of psychosis, it also created a profound sence of self. I tremendously enjoyed playing the piano, riding my bike, out with friends, swimming, having a horror film scare the hell out of you, running, I simply wanted to live an a way that I cannot discribe now. I remember watching Star Wars on parnate. I had seen the movie thousands of times, but it was like I was waching the movie again for the first time. Time and space became seemless, and I had that deep/wonderfull feeling I can only call "eternity". My vision seemed to extend into infinity. Something that users of high dose amphetamines report.
I was never on psyhco babble during that time cause quite frankly I was too busy Living.
This state of mind perhaps serves a purpose at some point in ones life. But certainly not something anyone can handle on a daily basis.
I can definately see how a connection was made between paranoid schisohprenia and high biological levels of PEA.
Correct me if I am wrong, but aren't psychadellics like mescaline related in some way to PEA??
But, surprisingly, I long since slipped back into apathy, and anhedonia.
Too little dopamine makes you feel you have no importance. Too much dopamine makes you feel like to have too much/universal. I call it a "cosmic responsability".Parnate was the only antidepressant that had me thinking about meeting a girl, getting married one day, having children etc.
Now I couldn't give a fiddler's f*rt. Anything like that: movies, swimming, running, friends,
biking, hiking, and playing the paino, women, etc, just seem like a *big* waste of time.
Linkadge
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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20050414/msgs/495120.html