Posted by i'm_ok on February 19, 2005, at 21:39:52
In reply to Re: I thought i was ok until...., posted by Racer on February 19, 2005, at 14:37:02
> > Until I organized my closet..only to find size 6 to size 14...all worn regularly by me. I thought I was depressed and needed anti depressants. i was on lexapro and wellbutrin for a while until i finally told my doc that the only thing that makes me happy is to be thin. i convinced him to prescribe me phentermine. i have been soo happy since then. i've lost 20 lbs in one month. i dont feel well but that is ok. i dont eat and when i do i throw it up. that scares me but its a natural reaction now and i'm kind of scared but i still like it. i think once i am happy with how i look i will stop the nonsense...but who (female) has size 6's to 14's????
>
>
> I have from size 4 to size 14, so I guess you're not totally alone. And I always have a sense that if only I could get thin, empty myself out enough and like my body, that I would feel OK all the time.
>
> Guess what?
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> It don't work like that. The size portion is only a symptom, not the disease. Purging like that can kill you, so unless your only goal in life is to leave an emaciated corpse, I strongly urge you to get some treatment right away.
>
> Mind you, I'm in the midst of freaking out entirely over having gained weight -- even though I am the one who finally said that I WANTED treatment, and thought that I was sufficiently motivated to follow through with it. Hell, when my nutritional counselor set my goal for daily grain based carbohydrate consumption, I thought to myself, "Ah, hell! I can do that and more! Easy!" Since then -- that was in mid November -- I have met that goal no more than three times. I'm also in the midst of refeeding syndrome, which is particularly hellish. There's no question that it's hard. And there's no question that it's increasing my depression.
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> There's also no question that it needs to be done unless I choose to jeopardize my life in pursuit of some emphemeral concept of appropriate body size. Most days, I don't know why I'd ever thought recovery was something I wanted. But even so -- I am trying, and it is better than the alternative.
>
> What sort of treatment are you getting now? And what in the hell is wrong with your doctor to prescribe a medication to reduce the weight of someone with an eating disorder?
********************wow, I guess I am not alone. I have a couple of questions about your input. What do you mean the size portion is only a symtom? What is refeeding syndrome? And to answer your question..my doctor has no idea that I have a little problem with eating. I'm fairly new to him, less than two years. The reason I went to see him initially was for antidepressants that my psychologist suggested for me. She is not able to prescribe so she referred me to him. The depression was getting really bad so I went and he put me on lexapro first and when I gained 30 lbs I told him I couldnt stand the weight gain so he changed me over to wellbutrin. The weight gained slowed but I was still obsessed with it and it was killing me that I weighed so much. so I quit taking the WB on my own, went back to see him a month later and told him I didnt need antidepressants. What I needed was to lose weight and then I will be happy. So, he started to pull out paper work on nutrition, weight watchers, stuff like that. I was so let down that he didnt immediately write a prescrip for me..until I asked him to. I dont think he really wanted to but I said that I needed something to help me get a jump start. so he gave it to me. Obviously he doesnt discuss his mutual patients with the p-doc, cuz if he did he would know about the purging and might not have given me the script. Good thing for me. I dont plan on taking them much longer, just another month is all I want. I'm scared that he wont give me another prescription when this one is gone, but it seems that its pretty easy to buy them on the internet so i might have to do that. i have a goal to get to and once i do i will stop taking them. I would like the purging to stop but its hard when there are days i cannot control the eating and that is my only remedy. I eat like a crazed person sometimes, my hands shake as I am stuffing my face... not always just once in a while...if I can just stop having those episodes, then I wouldnt have to purge and I would be happy. Oh, one more thing. I am not getting treatment, I am not seeing my psychologist any more..it didnt really seem to help anyway.
poster:i'm_ok
thread:460213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20041128/msgs/460613.html